Notes from a Diosa de la locura

Hysteria · January 16, 2020, 9:20pm

Alright so it’s been a bit. I can say that if Lucifer did grant me a new best friend I haven’t actively noticed, but I also didn’t do a large ritual or really have a good reason for wanting one so, I’m not surprised if he rolled his eyes at me on that one.

Something good I can say is I reached out to a Demoness, and recieved her personal sigil (that I won’t be sharing out of respect). The night she arrived my hearing began ringing quite loudly in my left ear, while in my right ear a Radio static kind of sound began humming quietly and growing louder to the point where I had to cover my ears and ask for whoever was causing it to stop. It’s not often that I’ll hear things in my waking day to day life, let alone something so apparent. Normally if it was JUST ringing I’d write it off as a coincidence but that was two different sounds at two different levels of loudness and they both lasted and went away at slightly different times as well…

Hmmm. I’m not sure what it was, but after the sudden worry of my hearing leaving me left, I found it kind of cool. Especially since I’m not used to having spiritual experiences every other day. I’m the Kind of person who’s lucky to experience something once a month.

Hysteria · February 13, 2020, 5:09am

I’m gonna be lurking around once a month to see if people are trying to get in touch. The forum topics tend to repeat themselves and every time I login I see at least four “help me” threads that make me unreasonably agitated. As if they’re entitled to the help.

I dunno.

I figure the forum is so repetitive that any real guidance I could get would be through books, private messages, and other more organized sources. That’s not to say this forum is bad - - - I’ve been on bad forums - - - it’s just not my cup of tea due to the rampant population of youngin’z and ignorant folks. Not always both, but usually one or the other.

I’m certainly not perfect but I at the very least have bothered to do basic research and ATTEMPT not to burden people with delusions, backwards theories, and pleas for love and riches to be dropped upon me. So, I think I’m at the very least better than that group…which is unfortunately the majority of what permeates most of the threads. Hence my disgust.

That said, messages are available, and this journal still exists. For those who care for it. I’ll also still occasionally post a meme or an update or something once a month. Who knows. I know I definitely won’t be regularly participating much with the current crowd.

Small thanks to those of you who walk the path and put in the effort. You guys rock at keeping threads sane. Have a beautiful evening.

Hysteria · March 25, 2020, 12:02am

I’ve called upon Marbas for aid on a personal matter having to do with illness. I’ll keep you guys Updated via journal regarding the outcome.

Hysteria · June 1, 2020, 3:22pm

Alright so two small updates:

Marbas is an amazing demon to work with if you want answers, particularly with the medical. I requested that he ensure something pretty intense, and about a week later learned that an individual was basically being ignorant to and is likely going to make her stage 4 kill her a lot faster than it otherwise should. Whether she’s naturally this dumb, or she’s just being extra incompetent due to my request, is unknown. But I have met her, and she is indeed a stubborn and dense woman. So it’s a 50/50 shot.
Marbas is personally a demon I don’t see myself calling on often. He and I are both exceptionally hard workers but that’s about all we have in common, and our sense of humors will clash often. I’ll be leaving out offerings and thanking him in an official manner sometime soon, but likely won’t request much of him in the future unless I require his particular skills…which I don’t see happening often anyway. But, again, he is still an awesome demon to work with. He just intimidates me a tad bit too much for me to feel comfortable.

So, success? Eh. More than I expected, but not what I expected. But hey, that’s just magic right? I’m not at all disappointed.

As for the other update, I figured I’d share a super weird dream because I’m trying to write them down more anyway.

6/1/2020

I can’t quite recall how the dream started, but I remember main portions of it.

My ex:

My first ever boyfriend was there, and trying to reconnect with me after years of silence. While he was romantic, he wasn’t necessarily trying to be romantic with me. He’s just naturally a loving individual.

He seemed upset that I was so against a lot of basic love related things, and concerned for my wellbeing with where I live. He expressed interest in my Servitor creation, even the parts which he found a bit gross, and informed me that they were indeed working which made me happy.

My Servitor:

My servitor made a guest appearance in the dream, and took the form of a robotic creature that i like. Their task was rather disgusting. They were to bring my used lady products out to the sea, and then leave them by a doorstep of an individual. I would like to hope that this has deeper meaning because it is a very unflattering image.

That said, they did accomplish this according to the above segment and I felt really happy knowing that they were with me and listening (even in dream form). Though to clarify, I didn’t task them with this in day to day life lol.

The parents:

At some point in the dream I was in the house of a loved one. Her mother isn’t a fan of me, but her dad was chill. Her mother pretended to be okay with me for awhile, but she had said or done something that just blatantly pissed me off - I believe she called me lazy or something similar to that insult right after I’d worked four fifteen hour shifts in a row.

I became increasingly hostile and told her exactly how I felt, that she had no right to judge me and I’d likely done more and been through more than she had in fifty years. She didn’t like that, and went back to not pretending to like me (oh no, bummer). However the weird part of this is that she was still asking me to hold her towel, which as she described, was special and absolutely no one else could hold it.

I don’t know if the towel was actually meant to be a towel or stood for something else, but she claimed I had soup on my hand when she asked, and then proceeded to tell me that it felt crowded and she wanted me to take care of it. I, still being mad, hesitated because it had only been fifteen minutes since the fight but…it wasn’t her house that I was worried about, it was the loved one’s dwelling. So I got up and ensured that everything was out in the most amusing imagery ever (imagine those guard dog videos on YouTube, or the attack dog clips of them lunging themselves into cars - that’s basically what happened).

Two Notable things happened after; i didn’t remove the father, as said prior - he was chill. Everything else evacuated though save for her loved ones. A crowd came out to congratulate me and gave me a police hat, neither of which I like. I hate crowds, and cops bring back real bad memories. I did like the hat though. It looked good on me.

One of the officers said that if I tried hard I’d be a sheriff with a family like him. I sarcastically answered back, “Great. Just what I’ve always wanted.” But in reality it’s not really that far off. I do like the concept of family, I just don’t wanna be the mom. No offense to moms out there, but kids creep me out when they’re under the age of seven and I’m too much of a child to take care of a goldfish let alone keep another human being alive AND teach them how to function in society.

So yeah, there’s my weird dream of the week. Moving on!