Not meant to be here

Ever feel like you’re just not meant to be on this planet or in this reality? Ever wonder how you came into this reality (not just thru your mom’s vagina) but how you really came here and why you ended up in this plane of existence instead of somewhere else where you’d feel more at home and happier?

There has got to be another plane somewhere where being a sorcerer is normal and not frowned upon and organized religion is viewed as heinous. I spent all night making some custom my little ponies to sell online so I had a lot of time to think while focusing on painting and I also watched some Roswell and finished the show finally and it reminded me of something.

Ever since I was little like barely even 4 years old I have always felt like I do not belong here, not talking about socially this has nothing to do with fitting in with social crowds or depression, none of that crap, but I mean like you don’t belong here with these mundanes? And not because we have different beliefs and values but like you were never meant to be here since birth.

I ask because I have felt like this since I was practically a baby, long before I was old enough to understand religion and before I was old enough to form my own opinions of it or believe in magic. I’ve just always felt like I was sent to the wrong plane. Not the wrong reality because I am prefectly happy with my reality, but the wrong plane of existence, world, whatever you wanna call it. I just find it so weird being a little girl not even in school yet and feeling like an alien in a strange world.

I wonder if it’s because I was pre-destined to be a sorcerer, like maybe I knew that before my beliefs actually came to be, ingrained in my subconscious since birth and that’s why I never felt at home here in this world, because a part of me knew I would grow up to be someone who is considered an outcast, a non-conformist, a free thinker, a magician?? Not sure, but when I watch shows about aliens, vampires, witches, and wizards I just feel like I can relate to them when they are running away from the government or people who want to harm them.

I find myself cheering silently inside my head when one of those aliens or witches outsmarts the people after them and gets away. Not just out of sympathy because I know how it feels to remain secretive and have others scrutinizing you, but because I literally feel just like them, like I am a part of their strange little Tv reality or have lived that in the past at some point. I dunno, maybe I was hung as a witch in a past life and that’s why I feel so similar to the characters on those shows?

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In the simplest terms possible, it sounds like god good was pre-programmed so to speak in you before incarnating, agreed upon. Your astrality may not be that of a mundane at all, have you thought maybe you have a purpose above the mundanes, maybe to lead or influence in some way? Possibly you are to stand above and observe, as a lesson of some sort, as various events unfold? Or possibly to teach? Just my grain of salt worth (not even) two cents. Take it how you feel it would be beneficial. But yes I know this feeling. I’m currently at a loss of purpose, and feel like I don’t belong with humanity. Existential crisis I suppose, don’t dwell too much on it. Allow purpose to guide you. That would be my advice as its what I’m trying to do for myself. Definitely got me thinking.

I’ve always felt like I don’t belong here and never really fitted in anywhere. And, occasionally, I feel like I don’t understand the collective mind of humans. Several times other people have a hard time to “read me”, and on one occasion a boyfriend of a wiccan practitioner couldn’t “read” me at all. That’s another thing that bothers me. People who tries to find a “first impression” of one another, to either praise or judge.

I think people consider me “hard to read” because I’m passive and careful around people I don’t know, which makes festivities very painful to be a part of. And with my own feeling of being “different”, an “outcast”, I was curiously drawn to the BDSM-scene, because these kind of people seemed to praise people who are outside the “norm”. But I found out it wasn’t really for me either. It was a “society” outside of the society were experience and “kinks” is more important than personality. Being judged whether you are “dominant” or “submissive” seemed more important than who you are as an individual. Being an outcast among other outcasts, did put some scars within me at that time.

I have my existential crisis, occasionally, and having two amazing spirits by my side is comforting when I question everything about this world.

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[quote=“succupedia, post:3, topic:6973”]I’ve always felt like I don’t belong here and never really fitted in anywhere. And, occasionally, I feel like I don’t understand the collective mind of humans. Several times other people have a hard time to “read me”, and on one occasion a boyfriend of a wiccan practitioner couldn’t “read” me at all. That’s another thing that bothers me. People who tries to find a “first impression” of one another, to either praise or judge.

I think people consider me “hard to read” because I’m passive and careful around people I don’t know, which makes festivities very painful to be a part of. And with my own feeling of being “different”, an “outcast”, I was curiously drawn to the BDSM-scene, because these kind of people seemed to praise people who are outside the “norm”. But I found out it wasn’t really for me either. It was a “society” outside of the society were experience and “kinks” is more important than personality. Being judged whether you are “dominant” or “submissive” seemed more important than who you are as an individual. Being an outcast among other outcasts, did put some scars within me at that time.

I have my existential crisis, occasionally, and having two amazing spirits by my side is comforting when I question everything about this world.[/quote]

I heard somewhere that in that scene they are not too fons of “Switches.” But then again, it would appear anywhere you go people try to put you in a box…no doubt so they can easily fulfill some sort of agenda. If one was too fluid and had too many tricks, one would appear more threatening or Unnerving to some =)

Dualism is kind of tricky and hard to comprehend, not only in the world of magic, but often in that kind of living aswell.

It seems intimidating to not being able to “read” someone, and put someone in a certain category. In the same way, I have felt intimidated when a few people mentioned that they can’t “read” me, like they wanted to put me in a box with a label on it, but they couldn’t find that certain box.

I think people should let others be who they are, without putting “labels” on eachother in their chase of finding a fitting community. And it’s even worse to label someone after a first impression. To been able to “read” someone more correctly is to communicate and observe, or maybe in the rarest cases, being a pretty good psychic.

Happends to me all the time after reaching the ‘‘Shamadi’’ state through meditation, feels like you’re thrown back to live in a foreing country which you just visited for a few days.

I never totally felt like I belonged, but as I got older I felt like I needed to be here to tidy the place up a bit.

Egomaniacal, but truthful! :smiley:

I’m not a big fan of Shaw, but he really nailed it with this:

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

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Yeah I like being the unreasonable one. It ceases to amaze me how the reasonable are easily hypnotized by the unreasonable. Its as if the unreasonable one is as The Adversary/Anti-Christ…

And this is actually in itself a magickal principle that even most advanced mages overlook… The bare basic meanings of the Triangle of Art.

Yes, I certainly have felt like that.
However I am going to make myself feel very fulfilled and happy while on this planet.

I definitely don’t belong here though, unless I was sent here for some purpose I am yet to discover.

Maybe all these strange sensations of not belonging has something to do with the fact that I sometimes feel like a loose spirit floating around inside of a mechanical body that my spirit is controlling, like being inside a giant robot that has a command center with seats and everything. LOL I literally feel like I am floating in my body sometimes like there is something in me that is separate from my physical body but it plays a key role in my day to day functioning, like what a christian would call a soul, I guess??? Not sure.

Sometimes this makes the entire world around me seem unreal, like one big video game that I am controlling. This is not depressing me or anything, I find this fascinating which is why I brought it up.

I can relate to this, and most of the people I have crossed paths with that have felt this way usually say the same thing, the world isn’t ready for those like us… maybe in some part we are here to help make them ready as more and more people are starting to awaken…

See, I can agree with this. It’s similar to what Eva said about cleaning things up. Normally I don’t like to discuss things that relate to possibly have a special purpose like this because it sounds so delusional and everyone already thinks that people like us are nuts, plus we do on occasion get a new member that is convinced they are a prophet of some sort or they have unrealistic powers like lazer beams shooting from their eyes, LOL, so you can see why bringing it up makes me nervous. The last thing I need is for people like me to start viewing me as crazy too.

But sometimes I do wonder if people like us were put here to slowly carve a path for a better world. Everything is possible somewhere, right? We could’ve all been born originally in other worlds and you know how people on this planet are always freaking out about aliens from other worlds, so even if there were people elsewhere that looked and functioned just like people on earth, of the people here knew they came from elsewhere they would still flip out and probably cause them harm because movies don’t help by portraying other worldly creatures as they evil beings that wanna harm humans. Maybe other worlds realize how messed up our planet is with religion and intolerance and figured they needed to step in and help if the people here ever wanted any kind of chance at a happy existence, but they knew if they tried to step in we would fear them and harm them?

Maybe we are reincarnated beings from those other worlds/planets that were purposefully sent this to this planet to help make these changes and we were reincarnated as human beings that look and function just like everyone else, even being born the same way as everyone else thru sex and vaginal births so we would seem like average humans and no one would question anything? Because think of it this way, you have seen those movies about aliens. If they aren’t demon like creatures that want to eat us, they are little green men with black eyes that wanna shove foreign objects up our anuses so of course, even if some other worldly beings came here and only wanted to make peace and could prove they were not harmful, we would still meet them with force, fear, bigotry, and assumptions.

If there really is other species out there, regardless of what they look like, and they were smart enough to know that our traditions are archaic and barbaric then they would know this and wouldn’t risk sending their own kind here straight forward, they would sneak in thru the back door and reincarnation would not only be a good way to do this but it would ensure that no one suspected anything because being born here, you would learn the same habits as everyone else and be able to blend in naturally. And being born again (literally not spiritually) with a new mind, no memories from our past lives while we are children would also serve as another safety mechanism. Because children don’t undestand danger and will tell anything to anybody that they feel comfortable around and would end up spewing out things like I used to be Valkara from planet 629-X.

Of course they would think it was just child’s play and imagination but with our personalities, most of us don’t settle for what we’re told we keep insisting and a child who keeps insisting would just be labeled as mentally ill and no one would take us serious as adults or we would end up in a mental hospital locked away where we can’t effectively make any changes, so maybe that’s why most of us never have any memories from past lives until we start prying around and doing meditation and recall exercises. The human mind seems to be slow to develop anyway, most people can’t remember back before age 4 but that’s because our memory has not yet developed but when it does, some of us feel like we used to exist once before but we cannot remember it. You know, that overwhelming dejavu sensation?

I have just always felt like my rebellion and objectionism was not a bad thing, I feel like I am supposed to be this way because I need to set an example and encourage people to speak out against control, and change themselves. And that’s not a bad thing unless you use your rebellion to steal, damage property and hurt others and end up being in jail all your life on and off. Those people are not true non-conformists, those people are just stupid because they don’t know when to draw the line and settle down because you can’t make a change when your locked behind bars. But an intelligent non-conformist that truly wants to make a change would be smart about it. Speaking out and rebelling when they can but knowing when to settle down and remain calm so as not to fall victim to the government and authority by being locked up in a cage somewhere.

I mean, you know how crazy that sounds? It’s 2016 and we are still locking people in cages like freakin animals. Rooms with bars are essentially cages. WTF? But yeah, as crazy as that sounds (everything that I just said) I was just speculating on some possible theories because I have always felt like I needed to inspire and educate others. In less than 6 months since I started adding magick related videos to my channel (I used to just use youtube for watching videos and never added any of my own before that) I have been shocked so far at how pleasant everyone is reacting to my channel. I am so surprised that not one religious nut has tried to interfere (fingers crossed) but I do make it very clear though, that I won’t tolerate trolls and will moderate every damn comment that comes thru, no matter how long it takes me to filter thru everything because I don’t want my viewers having to deal with that crap when they visit my channel or my blog. It makes something enjoyable quickly turn into something unpleasant.

I have a couple of theories on why we feel this way - that we are different, don’t fit in & don’t really belong here. Firstly is of course that maybe, like others here, that we are not from here at all, & in our purest essence are very different, that we are alien souls in human skins. I have been told this myself by several psychics through the years. My second theory is more ‘natural’. Humans only use about 10% of their brains, and perhaps we are the front runners of this evolutionary process kicking in, that parts of the human brain are, at last, opening up. Humans also notoriously fear & ridicule that which they don’t understand, especially if it makes them feel inferior. We feel like we are different & don’t belong because we have always known that we are & that we don’t. We are maybe not homo sapien sapien but something new.

We had a big discussion about the 10% brain thing back in the summer. I started a thread about something else (I forgot what it was about, been a while) and someone mentioned that concept and I agreed and a handful of people here felt the need to gang up on me and basically imply that I was stupid, yet they didn’t say anything at all to the person who actually wrote the comment, just to me for agreeing. But anyway, there is some stuff on the internet right now saying that this was proven to be a myth, that we do use all of our brain power or close to it and that’s why those people were so adamant about proving me wrong but have you heard “don’t believe everything you hear?”

There may be supposed concrete evidence to prove that the 10% thing was only a myth but unless and until someone gives me the necessary tools to conduct my own experiments, I am more inclined to believe otherwise. Call me stupid if you want (anyone reading this) but you should know by now that when someone uncovers something that could potentially put a stop to something harmful or potentially cause people to realize they don’t need to be controlled by the government, or stir up a panic and become unruly, the government goes out of their way to cover that information up the instant it makes publicity, dismissing it as a hoax, or a lie, or false findings.

As much as people here say they like to think outside of the box I was actually surprised that they were so inclined to believe the articles they had read instead of trying to find some proof for themselves. We of all people should know about government restrictions, oppression, and repression. For all we know it is true, and the government doesn’t want nerds like us researching further to find out how to use the unused portions of our brains and they forced or paid those people to release new information suggesting that the original findings were wrong. The government has pull, they could even provide fake CT scans that show all parts of our brains being active and how some parts are more active than others when performing certain functions but they can falsify anything to make you believe whatever they want you to believe.

And they know that if enough evidence is destroyed, people like us that still insist on proving a point will look mentally ill or rebellious and dangerous to everyone else so they hope that we will not try to rebel for fear of being labeled crazy. If you like documentaries like I do, you will find all kinds of evidence to suggest crazy government coverups all throughout our history. When someone comes forward with the truth about anything that could make others realize they are liars and realize the potential they have, the government steps in and tries to shut them up because they don’t want a revolution on their hands because they know if enough people realize their potential and rebel, that we would be unstoppable and they would be no match for us and that scares them, because they love their control mechanisms! And they love the trillions of dollars that they make by controlling us. Fining and charging us for everything we do except for farting and breathing but I guarantee one day they will find a way to charge us for that too (your farts are contributing to pollution, new mandatory methane gas tax!).

The government will tell you anything you want to hear or need to hear to keep you in control and keep you in their debt and reliant upon them and for those that dare to step outside of their bubble of confinement, they are locked behind bars or injured to the point that they physically cannot come forward to speak out or even worse, killed. And several documentaries have facts and evidence to support them hushing people up and support cover ups and inside jobs which is also why you never see a documentary on cable Tv like that, they are all on dvd only or Netflix only, or possibly on youtube. I have seen some of them air on cable Tv and mysteriously, every time, before the 2nd and 3rd air dates the show is suddenly pulled and restricted from being shown to anyone. So if there wasn’t truth in some of those documentaries why would they go to all the trouble to cover them up? So I think there really may be something to that 10% of our brains theory after all.

I like this forum because I can say things like this among other intelligent people and the world is clearly full of stupid people. Not referring to people with disabilities that can’t help it, but I mean capable non-disabled adults that are just as dumb as a brick. Everywhere I turn I see idiots so it wouldn’t surprise if those people really only did use 10%. And it makes me laugh that those average people look at people like us and say that WE are the idiots, the crazies, the stupid ones. But it is true, that people either make fun of or bully others who are not like them because they fear what they don’t understand. It’s a result of pure ignorance since they truly cannot understand or fathom the same concepts that we can.

But we have people here that come from all backgrounds and they are accepted, even if their beliefs sound crazy to most of us so I don’t understand why, when we have a discussion about theories like this and who agrees or doesn’t, why some members are so quick to judge? Hopefully that won’t happen again with this topic.

soz not soz

edit to add:
one great thing about magicians is that they are not sheep; they have their own views, theories, opinions etc that may differ from the status quo. Hearing the ideas & theories of another, whether you agree or disagree is a great way to evolve your own thoughts, not necessarily by taking on that opinion, but sometimes it acts as a catalyst to extend your ideas into a realm it would not have gone before ( sometimes completely unrelated to the pov expressed ).
sorry if you feel I derailed the intent of your thread but my ponderings & theorizing are my own & I’ll not act like a sheep here or anywhere else. For that opinion I am most certainly not sorry.

There can be many reasons why we feel this way… I won’t knock anyones beliefs of such… I remember being a very small child about 2 years old ish and feeling this longing for a place and home that I did not feel was here at all… I would point to a certain place in the night sky and tell my mother that was home and wanted to go back home… thankfully I was raised by hippies so they didn’t trip too much over my weirdness… I actually found others that felt that same thing as I did and have found that feeling of home right here within my connection to others… kinda like how EA says about soul traveling to the source and it is like going home to “Mom n Dad”, so maybe we don’t need to go back home… maybe its a place for us to make our own home and find a connection with others that in part resembles such… and pfft what are you talking about? I totally have laser beams that shoot out of my eyes :wink:

First of all. Thanks to you guys!
Your posts in this thread convinced me that I am not alone. Reading them, I’ve known that I am not the only one who experienced being unreasonable to the eyes of most people.

So, I shall post my share of my crazy things too.
These are from my notes, by the way. I just wrote them down 'cause I can find no one to share them. They’ll just think I’m delusional. I think it belongs here.

This was what led me to magick and I can’t understand this that time:

It’s the point where I got deep in myself and sunk in my thoughts. That point I found myself seeing everything that seems to appear like things,living and the non, that I don’t understand the existence. I see motions , the people, animals, and all but there’s something I can’t understand. Like, what are they? This people even myself, how can they be here? Or why are they here? It’s really hard to make one understand how this feels and what really this thing that have arrised mean.

This was my latest discovery relating it to what you are talking about, past lives. This was in a form of a dream.

There is a place. It is an old house. I and some familiars are in there. It was like if we were having a vacation. There, we talked and ate while like if we were waiting for someone to come. But, I don’t know who we were waiting for. After some minutes, finally, someone, an old lady, arrived with some bags and packages but I don’t recognize her much. Upon entering, she asked for some help to carry her bags and packages then she goes immediately towards one side of the house. There, she stood beside the wall that divides the guest room and the two bedrooms then talked about the house relating it to my past as if she knows the house very well. While she talks, I became conscious, I finally remembered some memories from my past. Yes, I recognized the house; the old wooden divisions, the beautiful wooden doors, the room where I slept, and often the cuts we made on the wood plank on the upper part of the door openning the time before we put the doors, I also remembered it was my father who fixed that door with me. I remembered that I lived in that house before but not the same family with what I have now and there’s this feeling I can’t explain. It is like if all emotions put together at once and I still feel it. It feels so deep. I feel the memories of joy and laughter and at the same time loneliness and sorrow and the missing of that past. But I can’t understand, I feel all this but I can’t remember everything. I can’t even remember any face from that past even the face of the one I am with while fixing the door, I only remember that it was my father. And this mixed feelings, I can’t even remember any actual happy or sad happening. It is like a void memory-- I feel this feelings, I remember being there and remember some things we did, and recognise things in the house, but I don’t have any image memory of any happening and any person from who I used to be with in that past.

After some thinking , I concluded that the one who entered the house and made me remember that little part of my past is an entity who answered my wish to see my past. I’ve been asking it many times before but seems like someones telling that it’s not yet the right time.

One last more. And this is the craziest, I think, that even I myself can’t believe I am believing it. This is the theory of a prophecy that bothers me and part of the series of supports I was just writing while they pop-up trying to convince me.

:spades:Merlin Prophecy: Arthur Is The Once And Future King.:spades:
~“He will return when Albion needs him.”

“Like what always happen
Cycle it’s what it meant.
It breaks in pieces
Then forms from pieces.
Again and again,
This will never end.”

After watching and reading stories about this two personalities, something came out of my mind. What if it is real? What if the story came from a real event? It is obviously just a fantasy, a myth. Regardless of how varied stories portray it and how it came out as an entertainment, what if there is a reality behind? There is no proof to believe it’s real. Maybe it just came from a delusional mind, just a creation of imagination. But what if, even the story is not real, that mind really knows it will happen? Well, we can’t prove that.

These thoughts had bothered me since. I can’t deny the truth that many have tried to find evidence and to find it’s reality but failed.

We can’t explain all things that happen. We do not understand all things. The world is a big mystery to almost if not all of us. Things happen and we don’t know how and why. We are blind, we can’t see what’s happening. Blind? YES! Maybe we’re just blind. We are being blind. Many bits of information, clues ,and maybe even vivid, bare, or naked reality about what’s happening sprout openly in front of our eyes, our nose, our forehead or slammed right onto our face but still don’t see them or we pretend not to see them or just being ignorant.
Somewhat like:
An honest girl had just given birth, goes to the long forgotten father of the child then tells him that she had given birth to a child and he is the father.
Then the guy was like," HOW??!“
Logic and wisdom answered,“Maybe the child came out after staying for 9 months in a womb.”.
Time and math says,” Approximately past 9 months since that time.".
Memory and history says," You probably did something that time.".
Feeling and experience says,“She had been honest.”.
Still he asked," I have no idea about this. How could you prove it?".
(What the hell of a question was that? You just did AN ENJOYABLE RITUAL before with that HONEST girl and DURING THAT 9 MONTHS since then, the UNPLANNED grew then came out so is now here. You blind guy.)

So do we get it? The way to understand a mystery is to collect the pieces from different sources. That way, we can then put the pieces together to form the whole picture.

I’ll not tell much about it for still my being argues about it. And here it is:
Arthur and Merlin are one(the 2 sides of the coin as said)
They portray the qualities of the great leader.
And, the great leader will come back in this age(he will return when Albion needs him, as said)
And he will come from the line of magicians.

That’s just what I can say.
Yeah, I’ll really sound crazy to other people thinking about this useless one if I tell them.