It still makes zero sense to me.
All the “energy sensing” I’ve done is unreliable, if it is true that a certain King is blocking everything.
If it is not true, then perhaps the young teachers are in fact very competent.
Salt for my foot … Where did that go to…
Even though I’m just talking to myself … Just don’t get any of this. Perhaps it is not my calling. Perhaps I was born to be screwed over. Just don’t know absolutely anything any more.
Logical breakdown …
Demons want to help us ascend, but not me.
Everyone gets along famously with them, except for me.
I attempt to ascend and am blocked with not only no good reason, but no possible way to do anything, as I cannot see or hear them, and thus no way for me to find out why.
???wtf???
Sit in meditation and talk, just talk. Let everything out. If you have issues with a demon, work it out. If you have problems with yourself dive in and figure out why. Doubt from what I’ve seen seems to be the root of many of your woes. If you need to cry or rage do it.
I’ve stated my case. Now to wait.
Since when? All of what I’ve seen has had meaning to the person you read.
We are, and we dont appreciate being played down due to age. We have feelings as much as you.
Which leads me to the point about demons. If someone cussed you out, would you wanna help them?
You can do this. Its just a matter of letting yourself.
A song for you:
Yes. I would still help them.
Wanna know why?
I’ve been treated worse in my life.
It was unfair. However, I also know about hormones. I also know attitude. I also know feeling discriminated against.
Yet I do still experience worse, believe it or not.
Yet I still help.
A point I brought up to them.
Yes it was mean.
Yes I apologized.
Yes I’ve ignored offerings, even to the most demanding god.
I’ve been called names, including worthless.
Far worse names.
I know feeling outcast.
I know walking out in rebuttal, cursing the place as I walked out.
I help friends who have not treated me as a friend.
Emotion is one thing. One thing I’m sure they’ve experienced before.
If I could take the pain others felt from me, I would take it to transform it.
2-24-2018
Interesting, the variety of curses and self protections.
It was so cool to find cleansing essential oils, and the diffuser is interesting to use it with. Florida water and other waters mixed with sage and stuff. That clearing oil brings immediate relief. Will get some black tourmaline and shungite to use that and the Guardian Angel essential oils.
2-25-2018
Dreams: @GOZER and his wife made guest appearances. We had a conversation iirc.
About what unsure. Was either between 12-3 or 4-7. Up now greeting the sun.
Rituals:
Salutation to the Lord of the Universe
Morning Adoration (Ra)
Invoking spirit LRP w QC.
Physical notes:
Tired and fatigued easily but good.
Mental notes:
Feel a bit calmer and renewed.
To evoke or not to evoke … What a question.
2-26-2018
Dreams - none recalled
Physical notes - woke at 4:30am, roughly six hours sleep. Helped my roommate with tearing out the floor from the kids bathroom, getting over from lowes, and cutting plywood sheets for the base floor.
Mental notes - A lot of home repair to get done over the next couple days. They’re stressed over coming up with 3000 for a lawyer by Tuesday to request a motion for a new custody hearing. The child is a victim by the guardians for retaining custody which greatly angers me. No child should be a poker chip. Will work my ass off to retain employment and give half my money to them to bring the child back where she belongs. These are teen years for her which concerns me more. Seem to be getting better at sensing people. Need to master OAA lessons 1-3 to be on track for adept level within a year. Same with modern magick exercises and all I’ve been taught here.
Rituals -
Meditations -
Evocations
5:45-6:00 am - sensing of Thomatos.
“Thomatos, appear and speak to me in my minds eye, that I may behold you and know you”
Eyes closed, A brilliant cascade of light, as if a starburst or flame of white and yellow, amidst darkness bursts forth. A wrinkled face, terrible to behold appears. There is no speech as of yet. It is as if he is somehow bound.
Eyes open, and looking around in the dark overcast sky, white clouds appear in the northeast-east sky, low hanging to the treetops.
The clouds appear as I saw him, wings or arms outstretched, as if freed…or saying “what the heck?”
==============================
"Benesser, second genii of The Old Man of the Pyramids, appear in my minds eye, that I may behold and know you."
6:17 am … Initial sensing of Benesser, second genii of The Old Man of The Pyramids…
First eyes shut call to Benesser spiked a wind, short and small burst which rotated the sigil 90 degrees.
My skin is prickly, as if wrapped in ash and sackcloth. I see a swirling array of white light amidst darkness, as if an electrical storm. A face appears and quickly vanishes. A frog croaks amidst chatter of squirrels and birds.
