Nightside's Journal

Fuego1 · April 2, 2018, 12:03am

Followup on morning entry 4-1-2018
4-1-2018

Dreams - None

Physical notes - Was feeling rundown until I realized I hadn’t showered in four days minimum. Went in, showered and changed into fresh underwear, socks, and my running suit.
Felt much better until I realized that I am severely overweight, well, realized that last night while masturbating and looking down over my stomach.

So… None done yet today.
Time to do exercise cards .
Wands - Burpees
Cups - Side to side crunches
Swords - One leg dead drops
Pentacles - Sit-ups
Princesses - Canoe planks
Princes - Pushups
Queens - Knee-Chest tucks
Kings - Roman Shoulders
56 cards, 120 minutes goal
Whatever card is drawn that count of exercises done.
Set timer on phone and flip cards.
Record actual counts done by alarm chime.
No break in between cards.
Overall span - daily in mornings over eight weeks, record weight and take before-after photos since not sure how to record or measure fat/BMI.
Drink one gallon spring water daily.
Do not adjust diet.

Mental notes - None done yet today.
Work through Ravens list. Daily
Work Lady Evas list. Daily
Work OAA exercises. Daily
Work GD exercises adjusted to Celtic names. Daily
Daily tarot card meditation/path working.
Daily evocation of at least one god or goddess. Start with Bel and Merlin or Danu and Morrigan.

Meditations - None done yet.
Stop mental chatter day three today.
Core shamanism.
Tarot pathworking.
OAA meditations.

Rituals - None done yet.
Banishing using specific Celtic symbol
Sacred space casting
Circle casting, grounding, warding
Will strengthening
Invoking Celtic version middle pillar
Evocation
Main working
License to depart
Banishing

Synchronicities noticed -
Scored a dime of weed at a corner store this morning. Took a very short walk in with a one hitter. I get home and five minutes later the guy I got it from was knocking at my door, we talk for a few and it just so happens he lives across the street.

Turomir · April 3, 2018, 2:50pm

Good job!

Fuego1 · April 3, 2018, 3:07pm

Hmm … I still have a lot of work to do, past, present and future, but thanks

Fuego1 · April 3, 2018, 3:22pm

4-2-2018

Dreams - None

Physical notes - Was feeling rundown and tired most of the day.
Napped three times.
Ate cereal, grilled cheese, and chicken.
Realized that I am severely overweight, wheezing.

Time to do exercise cards .
Wands - Burpees
Cups - Side to side crunches
Swords - One leg dead drops
Pentacles - Sit-ups
Princesses - Canoe planks
Princes - Pushups
Queens - Knee-Chest tucks
Kings - Roman Shoulders
56 cards, 120 minutes goal
40 cards, 90 minutes time goal.
Whatever card is drawn, that count of exercises is done.
Set timer on phone and time flip cards.
Record actual counts done by alarm chime.
No break in between cards.

Overall span - daily in mornings over eight weeks, record weight and take before-after photos since not sure how to record or measure fat/BMI.
Drink one gallon spring water daily.
Do not adjust diet.

Mental notes -
Work through Ravens list. Daily
Work Lady Evas list. Daily
Work OAA exercises. Daily
Work GD exercises adjusted to Celtic names. Daily
Daily tarot card meditation/path working.
Daily evocation of at least one god or goddess. Start with Bel and Merlin or Danu and Morrigan.

Meditations -
Stop mental chatter day one today
(reset due to failure to follow directions).
Core shamanism.
Tarot pathworking.
OAA meditations.
Astral Temple building.

Rituals -
Banishing using specific Celtic symbol
Sacred space casting
Circle casting, grounding, warding
Will strengthening
Invoking Celtic version middle pillar
Evocation
Main working
License to depart
Banishing

Synchronicities noticed - None.

4-3-2018
And still procrastinating. I may alter the evocation today or over three days …
Day one - Celtic deity that smashes procrastination, and helps build/instills will, diligence, and self discipline.
Day two - Celtic deity that smashes fear and builds/instills courage and will.
Day three - Celtic deity that instills balance of love and hate, with passion.

Dreams - None

Physical notes - Fatigued but rested.

So… Exercise cards
Wands - Burpees
Cups - Side to side crunches
Swords - One leg dead drops
Pentacles - Sit-ups
Princesses - Canoe planks
Princes - Pushups
Queens - Knee-Chest tucks
Kings - Roman Shoulders
56 cards, 120 minutes goal
40 cards, 90 minutes goal
Whatever card is drawn that count of exercises done.
Set timer on phone and flip cards.
Record actual counts done by alarm chime.
No break in between cards.
Overall span - daily in mornings over eight weeks, record weight and take before-after photos since not sure how to record or measure fat/BMI.
Drink one gallon spring water daily.
Do not adjust diet.

Mental notes - No procrastination.
Work through Ravens list. Daily
Work Lady Evas list. Daily
Work OAA exercises. Daily
Work GD exercises adjusted to Celtic names. Daily
Daily tarot card meditation/path working.
Daily evocation of at least one god or goddess. Start with Bel and Merlin or Danu and Morrigan.

Meditations - No procrastinating.
Stop mental chatter day one today.
(Reset due to failure to follow).
Core shamanism.
Tarot pathworking.
OAA meditations.

Rituals -
Banishing using specific Celtic symbol
Sacred space casting
Circle casting, grounding, warding
Will strengthening
Invoking Celtic version middle pillar
Evocation
Main working
License to depart
Banishing

Synchronicities noticed - None yet.

Fuego1 · April 3, 2018, 10:29pm

This procrastinating is pissing me off.

Fuego1 · April 3, 2018, 10:43pm

Okay …
Let’s skip P.E., as that seems to head the entries not being followed.
At least for today, just for today.

Today’s to do…
Ravens list…
Meditation
ancestral veneration.
banishing and protection
godform work
divination before spell casting
6)go read his post.
Add to this list from @Raven_Maleficus his teachings on wards and shields,
Also the core shamanism and astral temple work per @Lady_Eva.
Integrate that from Raven, and what Lady_Eva has sent me into daily practice.

Project - Rewrite RHP rituals as self initiations using pantheon of my choice, or aspects of myself.
Evoking for aspect…
Any aspect past present or future of my self as god/dess is as that I’ve done to my recollection.
Schooling - communication, writing and magic aspect
Martial Arts - war aspect
Gardening/cooking - agriculture aspect
Etc.

Mental note … Consider within the next couple months to setup a blog site for the journal, learn what I can, pass on the blogsite to a select few and take a year break from BALG.

Physical note -
Drink one gallon spring water daily.
Do not adjust diet.

Mental notes -
Work through Ravens list.
Work Lady Evas list.
Work OAA exercises.
Work GD exercises adjusted to Celtic names.
Tarot card meditation/path working.
Evocation of Danu.

Meditations -
Stop mental chatter day one today.
Core shamanism.
Tarot pathworking.
OAA meditations on chakras and visualization, casting circle and calling the gates.

Rituals -
Banishing using specific Celtic symbol
Sacred space casting
Circle casting, grounding, warding
Will strengthening
Invoking Celtic version middle pillar
Evocation
Main working
License to depart
Banishing

Synchronicities noticed -

And still procrastinating. I may alter the evocation today or over three days …
Day one - Celtic deity that smashes procrastination, and helps build/instills will, diligence, and self discipline.
Day two - Celtic deity that smashes fear and builds/instills courage and will.
Day three - Celtic deity that instills balance of love and hate, with passion.

Fuego1 · April 3, 2018, 11:09pm

NO MORE PROCRASTINATING! I FINALLY STOPPED IT! YAY!

Reset - Day one meditation
4-3-2018, 7:05 pm.

Location: Back deck looking forward on a folding directors chair.

Asana: Sat in godform position, arms and hands on armrests comfortably.

Environment - Back deck, lawn chair, feet flat on floor, hands in armrests, eyes closed. Relatively low noise environment, aside from loud cars here and there.
Stopwatch set.
Total time was 4 min.
Even breathing obtained quickly,
in SAT, out NAM.

Immediate mental distractions -
Some visualizations within first thirty seconds. Concentrated more on breath than visualizations

Lady_Eva · April 3, 2018, 11:59pm

ANYONE would procrastinate with these crushing lists of must do’s and cannot-fails!

Damn dude I want to crawl back under the duvet just looking at them, and I’ve been doing magick 25+ years.

Can you just ease up on pressuring yourself? The lists are getting longer and vampirising any joy from your life, it seems.

I used to do this myself, so I know what I’m talking about!

Fallen_Angel · April 4, 2018, 12:00am

She’s right.

Fallen_Angel · April 4, 2018, 12:00am

Tina Turner didn’t become famous overnight.

Lady_Eva · April 4, 2018, 12:02am

If Fuego’s Tina, these lists are his Ike!

Fallen_Angel · April 4, 2018, 12:03am

I was about to type that. That means his lists are gonna kill em.

Fuego1 · April 4, 2018, 1:34am

Okay, I will take a step or ten back.
I just want to get good quick.

Fuego1 · April 4, 2018, 8:26am

So I lay there, partially awake, with the thought of a woman to see my kingdom,
But it was not finished.
A sandstorm drilled the ground for foundation, and water and clay poured in between wood. A golden throne I sat on in the end, but there is much more to tell.
The source was a blackened mountain that arose after a ring of volcanoes erupted. Soon this mountain became lush, with vegetation covering it and several waterfalls of pure water rained down from the sides.
One had to disrobe and walk through a waterfall arch and sun dry walking up to the front.
There, a charming house that you might find in England or Scotland, faced you.
Walking into the doors of this charming cottage has spiral stairways leading down to a high tech command center in the basement.
In the back of the cottage was a marbled patio with rose bushes and grape vines lining trellaces on either side, which led to the hall of the gods, ivory columns and pomegranite trees down the center, at the against mountain wall, there was the Golden throne among a few other thrones.
So, I took the throne, and proclaimed I AM I, and I felt electricity in my hands, and at one point hurled lightning bolts into the air, mingling in the clouds as in the Bornless Ritual line, the skies thundered and poured down lightning.
And a green eyed brunette approached the throne.
That’s about it for the meditation.

Fuego1 · April 4, 2018, 8:41am

And a little rise and shine music …

Fuego1 · April 4, 2018, 10:26am

See, this is what I’m talking about at a level of sum power …
The grades you might find in orders such as Thelema or Hermetic Order of Golden Dawn, Order of Dragon Rouge or ONA.
The self initiations of those plus others such as OAA, BOTA or FLO.
The sum knowledge, understanding, wisdom, talent, ability plus those enhanced by spirits as the ‘Adept’ or ‘Magus’.
In HOGD, or Thelema, you had the Study Series, and I’m sure Thelema had a similar series if not the Equinox. One in the GDSS was on powers from completing the qabbalistic paths. My understanding of true initiation is that one from any of these initiations place the candidate in the right place and time, but true initiations come from beyond, whatever or wherever that may be.
In the OAA work, Ive been working material from lessons 1-4, but I do want to apply myself more, while not pigeonholing myself anywhere mundane or whatnot.
So actually focusing and improving daily in whatever I start. That should tell me where I could use more focus in practice or study or exploring.

levilevi · April 4, 2018, 11:46pm

I concur with @Lady_Eva and @Raven_Maleficus, regarding your rigorous daily training lists. I think it may behoove you to focus on one thing for a week or two, move on to the next thing, etc.

For what it’s worth…when I first got into magick, I didn’t do ceremonial work. I just did a fuckload of energy work and lucid dreaming, astral travel, and other purely energy-related things. I gave zero fucks about pantheons or Orders or process.
Fast forward several generations (I’m fuckin OLD), and while the growned-up version of me does have plenty of knowledge regarding Thelema, Solomon, Goetia, and so on…well…90% of the time, I chuck the rulebook out of a very large window and I do what Feels Right.

True magick is deeply personal. You, sir, have a ton of knowledge from reading and trying things out. I can guarantee that if you were to go into a ritual/meditation/operation/whatever and perform it according to what YOU think should work, it will be more effective than following the works of others.
Before ya know it, you’ll be the guy writing the books and offering folks new ceremonial circles, sigils of heretofore-unknown-entities, and so on…

Fuego1 · April 5, 2018, 2:32am

4-4-2018
Dreams - None
Physical notes - Good for now
Mental notes - Had a blowup argument with my roommates wife and how may he facing my homeless situation again in a record time of two months.
So now what. I can only depend on myself.
I really don’t appreciate whatever the driving force behind al of it at all, but that’s life. You can’t always get what you want … I beg to differ, some get what they want in drives for little reason. But that’s them, not me.

Lady_Eva · April 5, 2018, 2:34am

Can this be fixed?

Fuego1 · April 5, 2018, 2:35am

I don’t think so. Not unless she sees her flaws and changes too.