If you are feeling like hurting yourself, do you have someone you can talk to and know the number of any helplines you can call?
Magick is a path of learning, it may have a learning curve and a lot of time and effort before you get the best results. If you expect a quick fix you may be disappointed, and we would be sad if our forum made you feel worse.
You also have a challenge, as in your stressed state you will naturally attract negative entities, your first stop should not be calling “demons”, as those negs are likely to take advantage of your inexperience to feed on you and you won’t know it.
Instead I recommend starting with researching what we call “spiritual hygiene” and knowing how to cleanse your body and your space. That alone should help you feel better right away.
Scroll down to he third ost here for the spiritual hygiene link:
After that, I would recommend the entity Ant’harratu, from the Book of Azazel by E.A. Koetting. He will guide you through rebuilding you and your best life. Strap in, don’t be afraid of hard work, and you’ll find it’s worth it.
And no, no pact, don’t do it. It’s not the right tool for this job.