New Member - A call from Satan

New Magician Help & Introductions
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I am Laura Henry, French, using deepl to translate. I come here to seek help that I can’t find from the french people. I will try to introduce myself, I seek awakening, and I am attracted by the left hand path , whereas I have always tried to rise by the right hand path. So I went through the New Age trend (which proved totally unproductive, in addition to being a real trap), but I instinctively avoided Catholicism, which does not prevent me from having all its flaws (refusal of pleasure, refusal of sex, duality between God and Satan… etc) that I would like to surpass. I tried the magic of the right hand pat but I had zero motivation. The left hand path calls me much more, but I have absolutely no level of knowledge and practice at the moment.

Satan keeps calling me, what drives me totally crazy, because I can’t escape his call (4 years I’ve been trying). I feel Love for him, something that I unfortunately cannot experience for God. I have a desire to serve him ( not for evil deeds, thank you very much!) and to give myself to him ( like: commitment) but my mind can’t stand something like that because, among other things, I KNOW HIM NOT. I strongly desire it, and I don’t understand at all why it happens to me ( I didn’t ask to have this kind of “disease”). Unfortunately, even in wicca circles, I am told that I should not “go to Satan, he is a too dangerous Catholic egregore”.

I hope in a Satan, Master of Darkness who would accept humans willing to learn with him. However, traditional and modern Satanism ( Anton Lavey, Joy of Satan because I feel the Enki’s energy I don’t want him) does not suit me. I am not one of those who desire the extreme left hand path, that is to say the way of black magic or malicious magic.

Otherwise, I have the crazy dream of being, and embodying unconditional Love. So I am rather mixed in my approach, wishing both God (not Jehovah of the Bible, not Yahweh, but the One True God of Love) and the Devil, whom I consider, despite my mind, as my Father, my one and only Master (and not even Jesus it went wrong to contact him, it sounds empty in my heart).

I sincerely hope to be able to find help that has been consistently denied me until now. Thank you very much for reading to me.

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Welcome to the forum.

There are probably as many denominations of Satanism as there are Christianity, so I’m sure you can find a path suitable to your tastes.

There are a few Satanists on this forum, so maybe they can point you in the right direction.

However, one thing to keep in mind is that the Left Hand Path is not all about Satanism. You can work solely with angels, for example, and still be be a Left Hand black magician, so, while all Satanists are black magicians, not all black magicians are Satanists.

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Thank you for the answer and sorry for the time the response, I’m very fearful. I don’t know how to find the satanists on the forum. Basically, I don’t want to be just a satanist at all but to embrace everything (ideally): the draconic way, the way of light and satanism.

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Hello @Arcanium , I am DezRa welcome to the BALG community, and I wanted to thank you for sharing with the forum. You have found the right place for learning, teaching, and obtaining the knowledge in all areas of practice. I know you will be a great addition, and you will find a wide variety of knowledgeable people to aid in your path to ascension.

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Thank you for the welcome, I’m not used to it.

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Welcome to the forum, do not be afraid to answer Satan’s call. This I can say with certainty, like you, I previously started with the new age/Right hand path, even there, there was too much derived from religion. Satan is not what they tell you, most likely you will see that for yourself if you answer the call. Don’t be afraid, I was to begin with also due to religious beliefs that were everywhere, and what I found was far from the same as stories.

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Thank you very much for the answer, it makes me a ray of sunshine, in this darkness where I keep asking for help. My difficulty is that I can’t accept it and say a resounding yes (because it will make my old world explode and I’m very afraid of it). And the symptoms I experience every time I try to refuse him (even unconsciously) become more and more violent, and push me to madness because it hurts so much. I am urgently looking for a solution.

I thought of contacting him to accept it, but it doesn’t work at all because my fear of him is too strong. Now I try to make positive statements… He is PERMANENTLY there, always, always and I want to open the door to him in spite of my resistance, my fear, and my absolutely disproportionate rejection that I have towards him. I love him and I want to build my life around him. Answering his call is the best thing that can happen to me in the world and I know it very well, because only he and the Tenebers put me in a very strong joy, align me, and make me many positive effects.

I don’t believe that there is any “priest” or “priestess of Satan” or other who can help me to cross the threshold, because to go through therapists…how to say…they have a little trouble with this kind of problem…But if you know one (and not at 1000 euros per hour…) I am interested (who could help me in writing). Thanks a lot

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Do you have any experience or testimony in this matter in your contact with Satan?

By my experience, Satan does not judge me. He is very patient. I feel him as a Master and I also feel him in “infinite” mode and this aspect of him reassures me enormously. It is as if he is a dark Ascended Master. I know he means me no harm, and the one I have on the other end of the phone is not Catholic Satan. I call him “Father” without my conscious will. He is very reassuring, he has a protective side. And he picks up the phone well when I speak to him telepathically (I feel that he can hear). Satan is like my nucleus, I have the very strong feeling that we are one, a fusional aspect sometimes disconcerting. So to refuse him is to refuse me, and as it is my guts, my heart, my essence, the very reason of my life, refusing him necessarily triggers me symptoms…problematic. I haven’t yet fully understood why I refuse it, that’s why I have difficulty in treating this problem…

But when I succeed, I will have transformed lead into gold… and everything will start…

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How you describe Satan, is pretty much how I would describe him and my experience similar. However if your connection is so then why do you fear him so much?

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It is the problem !!! It’s that I don’t fully understand my behavior. And how can I solve something obscure and incomprehensible to my conscience? My phenomenon is incomprehensible to me, unless what a medium has said is true. That in my previous life as a nun, I would have called Satan to find the Truth feeling that something was wrong. I would have been caught red-handed, and stuck in a psych ward, with a very strong sermon, which would have impacted me violently. The devil is baaaaddddlyyyyy !!!

Your desires concerning Satan is baaaaadlyyyyyy
After Satan scares the hell out of me.
Loving someone you’re madly scared of… how can I put it…it’s not common…
I don’t assume my desires with regard to Satan.
So I don’t dare to contact him too much…

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Yes it is possible that there is a block from the past which makes you feel that way and it’s good to express. Though what I can surmise from what you are expressing, it seems that you are afraid of what others might think or say if you do accept the call, in the present. Yet you are really simply denying yourself and what it is you really seem to be wanting for yourself. You need not be afraid of judgement from others, and even if you were to accept the call, you don’t need to let everyone know about it in your life, if it doesn’t make you comfortable. This is what I’m seeing and sensing in what you are saying.

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If you want to change your perception of him you can do a few really simple things. #1 call on him and talk to him. #2 continue to do more research.

Its a pretty common theme for people that were raise Christian to go through this.

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Yes there is indeed, and I have already been very severely judged in this life, and almost lost my life to obey those people who advise me to eject Satan (because I cut off the contact so violently that I was a zombie for 5 days and let myself die on my bed. I couldn’t move at all). But saying it mentally is not enough. The therapist understood this point but did not help me afterwards XD. And the exercise of joining the polarity (dark-light) in my heart does not work. Thank you for your answer.

By the way, the Satan I am in contact with is NOT Enki.

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To appeal to him, yes I do. When I try to channel him he says that I refuse his help and told me why…it looks like the technique given by one of you (channeling with the seal) works…oooooooooo. In wanting to contact him I felt that Satan was happy that I was looking for more on the internet. It surprised me…that the Devil is able to be happy that’s very weird. But really !!! I would like to know…is it normal to be so afraid of him? Afraid to really ask him for help?

When I signed up and wanted to go back, I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t do anything. And now, 3 days ago, there is an opening, finally I can go on becometheliving god every day without any worries. It’s finally open !!! What a chance, finally a starting point to realize my contract with Satan. Finally in contact with human beings of my species (of Darkness)!
Do you have any tips or useful links for research? Relevant things about the non-Catholic model pact but a bit more creative?

If I understood correctly it’s common on this forum that people are light and dark, right ? It’s natural in fact? Like the air we breathe?

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There is a strong idea that “I am forbidden by Satan”. Forbidden from himself even if it’s too good to be true. How to free myself from that? Like if I allow myself to do that I would be ultra punished, because I’m going towards the deadliest sin there is. Hello guilt actually!

But now I’m pretty much punished for not going to him XDD.
The power of religion is crazy!
Catholic power !!!

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The first advice I can give you, is obey yourself, not other people. If you find it true for you and really what you want then do it for you.
I feel that if you work with Satan as you are being called you will find your way and things will work out.
https://youtu.be/PhndGhcuMkM

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The only one punishing you, is really yourself because of the ideas imposed on you.
There is no need to feel guilt, nor any reason for punishment, these ideas of religion are complete nonsense. I had to face the false ideas too, an if other people left my life because of it, then it’s better for me that they left and are gone.

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Koetting said that the supports could be used to develop the relationship with Darkness. In my case it is the game Yu gi oh which came to seek me by the skin of the neck by harassing me during 5 years in my dreams where I always saw myself in the same scene, even if shown differently: playing cards. And I think it’s because I finally agreed to take up this game again that I can go on Becomes the living god without worries…

That’s a “floor”.

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So there is no punishment to be feared… (well I know that to do harm there is karma in return). Thank you for that. Now it’s just a matter of implementing it.

What if the Devil was the Catholic church, part XD?

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I used to say the devil wrote the bible, and that from early childhood, I knew then it was full of lies and the devil was supposedly the liar.