Hello, I have read some of your posts and some of the answers you’ve given to some other posts.
In your introduction post you said "I practiced dark shamanism for about 2 years. Used to practice basic shamanism until I had bad experiences with the light-side path " Could you please explain “dark shamanism”, practices, rituals? . Because I think you could be being deceived by negative entities and they are just feeding of you and making your life a mess.
You could start by trying this Unofficial Tutorials: Spiritual Hygiene & Defense Collection