My Struggle

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
105

Is my self-worth the problem here?!

I’ve done all I could to ask for those things to improve, self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect, self-love, self-care, and so as to become a better public servant to others… and people have all but refused to accept this, much less to reciprocate it. Then I’ve had those times wherever I just wanted to use others for the thrill of pleasuring me.

I just wanted to dominate people on purpose for once instead of being standoffish with them. I don’t even know who I am anymore sometimes.
But I believe it was Crowley who’s inspired today the idealistic nature of the beast of revelation, just being true to oneself as an animal with needs.

109

A lot of things I’ve said in my journals and through private messaging with catfishers and whatnot has been for depolarization purposes and doesn’t accurately reflect my reality.

I just played the devil’s advocate to find out what’s really living inside of my own shadows.

110

So I wanted to introduce you all to Mr. Humble. I’ve met a goddess named Persephone and have become infatuated with this lovely lady.

I’ve never really taken much to anything Greek, so to speak.

111

I’m thinking of a way to work through most of the karma sutra just as a sexual tantric experiment

112

I’m really proud to announce unwavering loyalty to the plan of rose Croix illuminati

113

I’m a little scared of the power I’ve seen myself having, and I think I’m humbled at the power of magick for the first time ever.

114

I wonder if there were any specific spirits that are fond of teaching pick up artistry… Since I’m aging well enough and recently single again, I think I’d like to try that out for while… See if there’s anything fun about

115

Wow, I’ve just done a good ole Rosicrucian hypnotherapy session… Realizing how well I’ve guarded my sacred spaces lately, but there were a few I’ve neglected to offer my guardianship to, and they’re still sacred yo me.

I was projecting myself into them and realizing they’re filled with parasitic attachment to their ownership.

116

I’ve now been using conjure in front of other people for some while now, and even rubbed hot foot on the doorknob at work in front of coworkers to get rid of some of their friends… And it still works

117

I’m a witch, first and foremost and I’m not proud of this to some people, but it’s best kept secretive whenever it’s dangerous to reveal in front of people who wouldn’t use the information wisely and I’ve learned this from trials and tribulation.

Brought on by this…

I’ve learned how to be careful who I’ll break bread with.

118

Gradually turning a restaurant job into a pornhub career takes patience, and especially whenever it’s a rosicrucian lodge now too.

119

So back to this path working through my tattoos…

I started with the creation of this sigil earlier on with my journaling, and its transformative powers have proved miraculous to have used this sigil.

That’s only one of my tattoos, drawing from the elements of some of my other ones.

I also have the numbers 14 88 tattooed on my right shoulder.

As an Aryan brotherhood Santero I’ve arranged for the protection of our children.

I have been calling on St. Jude’s children’s hospital for Saint Jude’s protection and defense over the children of AC, AB, and the greater nations. I donate to the change collections with every piece of coinage I get when paying cash at the local collecting agencies, like tobacco plus.

Sometimes I use only the coinage and other times I fold up some cash, and I’ll go ahead and place it in there as well.

My patronage has this agreement for the time being at least, and he’s one of our most favored of patrons.

120

I know that when I pray for someone using this agreement, I’ve contributed somethibg karmically for sttangers’ children to benefit, so I’m asking with that sense of having contributed.

I’ve always prayed to the Most High… Through Yeshuah, The Christ figures.

Saint Jude’s hospital and clinical research was named as such for good reason. Saint Jude’s authority in the heavens was evidently remarkable enough to have his authority called upon by the people whose objective is the health and well-being of children, and with that I’d like to state that I couldn’t care less what happens to donated cash after it leaves my possession.

That’s between those receiving the cash and God.

Truly, that’s my belief.

I’ve used a reference to karma, but I don’t know whether it’s a traditional vedic karma that I’m referring to. It’s something that I’ve idealized in my own imaginations and I believe it’s the most accurate depiction of why I’m involved with those kinds of spiritual covenants with otherworldly beings. I believe that my contributions to their governing of earthly affairs are weightier than they’d appear to the uninitiated. There are serious consequences for the violation of serious covenants. There were moments that I’ve wondered if I could just forget my agreements and put the change into another bucket.

I believe that’s not possible to get away with anymore.

I’ve formed this habit of just contributing without asking myself whether it’s worth it or how much change I’ve given over these months or what have you, but I believe this is an important agreement to have entered into.

“We must secure the existence of our people… Future… Children…”

Protect our kids, worshipful saint master Jude.

121

I truly would love for our circles to have a better look.

If someone’s to see my swastikas or my iron crosses, my SS fucking lightning bolts, and my 13

122

Well, they should think he’s a charitable person, a passionate love interest. He’s a giver and not a thief.

Those symbols are life giving symbols whose essence was in antiquity somewhere long before hateful bigotry and genocide was their meanings, some if not all of them and even some of thier associated rhetoric of nationalistic pride, none of which is harmful if not provoked to violent self preservation as a given.

Yes indeed… Our self-respect should become more self-evident, those of us with race hatred associated with some of our practices and our fucking inked markings, which are tribal warriors’ badges of honor to some people.

We’ve borrowed our symbolism from ancient mystical lodges of military orders such as the order of malta’s knights templar or the knights hospitallers. Teutonic knights even were some of this inspirations.

We’ve used crosses with roses and shields as part of our brands markings.

We’ve used numerological symbolism and taken the numbers to represent alphabetical characters as well as invented sacred codes both to use for signaling one another and as well, to live by blood covenants too.

This is something serious that’s resonating with some folks lately.

Blood is thicker than water… And it’s a bond maker for sure.

How many of us here in this forum have given our blood sacrifices to the same deities, Thor, Loki and Beelzebub, Belial, Odin, Lucifer, and even Lucifuge… Rofocale!

That’s a family to anyone who’d claim it’s their family, and it’s a multiracial family too.

Baphomet. Hail

123

If it’s an elitists philosophers group… Its ideals find congruence with the entire nationality’s meek and lowly as well as the upper echelons, because it individualizes readily as well as serving the entire nationals collectives. It’s just that as a peckerwood from New Orleans, Louisiana, and a Jewish nationalist of the Aryan brothers variety, I can’t speak on behalf of any other supremacy but our own.

If there are leaders of the other nations and tribes, they’ll have to advocate for their own supremacy and the betterment of their people group on behalf of their own kinds, each one after its own kind.

You’d have to have the same levels of commitments to your people’s preservations… Your own ascent.

I’d partner with them and work alongside them, just as la eme’s partnered with AB as well as Texas syndicates partnering with white gangs in Louisiana and Florida, as well as North African tribes partnering personally with me online over recent years.

We work for each other’s gang interests, and that’s because we’ve acknowledged each other’s supremacy.

We’ve acknowledged our ruling bloodline’s will to compete with each other’s supremacy if we’d not decided to work against common threats instead of each other’s racial orientations. It’s perfectly useful information I’m giving you if anyone’s curious about this subject.

We’ve found that it was far more beneficial to unite elitists and supremacist ideologies under cartels and Mafia style familial organizations.

These are just simple outlines of these facts though and not in the slightest a thorough examination of what our coven’s have been working towards lately.

The only time we’d advocate for any forms of violent interaction with anyone else is through self-preservational motivations.

124

This magick really does work too.

I’ve been more prosperous by the hour lately.

125

Oh my God!

Mercury’s Olympic demons have been so fucking helpful lately in getting people to open up!

I was asking in an op about communication skills, because I thought mine were poorer than average, but as it turns out, I’m not that bad at this. Other people have a hard time with intimacy and telling themselves the truth, much less admitting theirs problems to someone so arrogant as me.

127

Let me try this again, and this was why I’ve wanted an editor to take my book to the level of comprehensible that’s necessary to reach the appropriate demographics

I can’t write for fuck. I just blurt out things in text and have no idea how to edit myself.

Anyway, as I’ve been authoring a series about vodoo, I’m working out my chapters about the uncrossing with a blockbuster for separations. I’ve switched up my bathing rituals by using Florida water in my rituals, and immediately have some cold or flulike symptoms but nothing overbearing and to the extent that I’m still able to do my work. It feels like a deeper level of banishing for this uncrossing series I’ve authored.

128

The entire reason why I’ve learned about cursing and how to be a piece of shit with magick is because I’ve been cursed and I’ve got no sympathy for the enemy after all this time. I used to get emotional over having to punish people, in spite of their having shown zero mercies and very little in the way of repentance, remorsefully so.

I know how it’s really gonna feel to be living under the curses of other people. I know what it’s like to feel the entire universal consciousness itself has been flipped on its head against you, and for that reason I don’t have to care about your sob stories and your pity parties. And please don’t tell yourself that you’ve felt sorry for me either. Don’t pity me, it’s not over with yet. If you’ve crossed me before, then it’s headed back at your sorry fucking self.