My Permanent Journal - Silent Seeker

This is my permanent journal. I begin this journal for the primary reason that I don’t see divisions that I previously did. If you observe a battery, it seems flawed to obsess over the negative pole or the positive pole - while ignoring the other. That’s my rationale.

I am blessed with an abundance of time. I have used this time to go all in with spirit work, taking time to ground myself physically via exercise and diet. Sometimes, I meditate and spirits approach me - which has not been common in my experience.

I’ll post a backlog of my spirit work here. Angels and Demons are my main course. Eventually I am to invoke the 72 angels and 72 demons, and then progress to the Watchers.

Words in italics are what my brain interprets as the spirits speaking.
Words [in parentheses] are narrative, they explain my set up.
Words written without any of the above are myself speaking to the spirits.


Energy Work
There are three primary exercises that I use before working with a spirit.

1: Above Below Heart Meld
This is a work in progress. I begin by observing a green sphere below me, this is the Chi of the Earth. I breath, and this sphere grows stronger and brighter. I then raise this energy into my root chakra, sacral chakra, solar plexus, and 99% of the way to the heart chakra. It almost touches the heart chakra, but not quite. I think envision a white sphere above my head (basically Kether from the Middle Pillar). Using a variation of the sword mudra, I draw this energy into my third eye chakra, throat chakra, and 99% of the way to the heart chakra. I then “release” and allow these energies to flow into my heart chakra. They merge, as one. I sometimes find myself using my hands to form a diamond shape over these merged energies.
From here, I sometimes do “love blasts”. I radiate love into my surrounding environment. This has a cleansing effect on my environment, as lower vibrational nasties don’t’ like love energy.
I have begun to experiment, in leiu of the love blasts, I form a bridge that I suspect will serve to connect with spirits via their calling cards.
This is my first exercise.

2: The Sword Banishing
Straightforward. The only item worth mentioning is that I take time to consider what is unwanted. I’ve had amazing success approaching this from an elemental angle. For example, I was prone to anxiousness and excessive emotionality. The unwanted, in this example, is “too much air, too much water”. A broad approach to the unwanted works best, in my experience.

3: Stoicheia
This exercise is from a post by Lady Eva. I do this twice a day. I have made modifications, adding gestures and feelings. I encourage all people who perform this exercise to experiment with it. Make it yours. Spirits will reference lines of this exercise, it is worth committing to heart and memory.


Session One
Day of Venus
Hour of Saturn

Note: I agreed to post these notes as a way to honor him. I agreed to post these notes some time after our first scrying session, to develop the clair senses.

This spirit has a “get to the point” energy. I planned to perform my three exercise, but this seemed wrong. As I prepared to work with this spirit, he dropped a phrase in my mind.
Burn with the fire of a thousand suns
I meditated on this statement, in leiu of the three exercises. I saw a thousand suns within me, they merged into a honeycomb-like structure.

I had a large sigil of this spirit, it’s calling card, and a candle. I sat within my circle. I saw a fire being sent from the sigil to myself, it felt like a heat blast from an oven. This increased my focus.

I began to narrate, as if this whole operation was a story. Odd.
“In the hour of Saturn, Balam arrived in the presence of {my real name}”
I spontaneously spoke titles for Balam
“He of a thousand hydra heads”
“He who is Saturn & outline is the sun”
I spoke, “As leader of the Infernal Hierarchy, I command thee, Balam, to come into this circle, into my time and my place”
This commanding is that of a Commander to his stewards, I wasn’t being a threating a-hole about it.
I saw a figure in chain mail upon a bear. I saw a bat fly from this spirit into myself. I began to ask it some prepared questions.


What manner of spirit are thee?
Stern. I don’t fuck with the weak willed. I reveal fortunes and blind people
What sort of blind?
Keep sight on what matters and do not be persuaded otherwise, neither by the hosts of heaven or the kings of hell [Basically, remember how the hierarchy goes, YOU first, then all else. Respect yourself, and you will be respected]
What should one know before working with thee?
I don’t care who you work with. Where I burn people is they commit and don’t meet. [I saw an impression of meat on teeth] [Basically, if you say you will do something to or with Balam, you better freaking mean it. This is NOT a “teehee I forgot” spirit.

Here, the spirit became pushy and tried to boss me around
glorify my name
I stated that I would assess this spirit, and I’m not one to be pushed around. It then had a reaction that I saw as this

This spirit definitely has a unique sense of humor. It told me how his energy interacts with mine, and the importance of planning our interactions wisely.
What do you gain, Balam, by working with me?
A portal. That is All [double meaning]
I thought to myself that a portal means people.
No no no. Not people, you [not ego]
[I suspect the you he is refering to is referenced in the Stoicheia exercise, this line “the power behind all powers the form behind all forms”. That you, not the ego-you]
Do you mean the power behind all power the form behind all forms?
Yes, him.
What is the usefulness of clairsentience on my path?
You could crawl up a/the mountain or you can chart a path. Your energy is too low, end this now
[I’m not sure if this was arrogance or genuine experimentation. I recited parts of the Stoicheia exercise, and radiated massive amounts of energy. I felt like a supernova. I wanted to let him know I can connect to infinite energy. I suspect Balam wanted to see how I would react to his above statement]
You made your point
Does it interest you to work with me?
Speak plainly, what interests thee?
public praise
We agreed that I would publish the above notes within 72 hours of our first scrying session - to develop the clairs.
I ate Takis before this, and I felt Balam’s presence when I ate them. At the end of this session I recreated the impressions and asked him about them
They intrigue me.
End of Session One with Balam. Our agreement has been fulfilled.


Belphegor, or Belphegore
Session 1-3
1-4-22 : 1-9-22

Disclaimer: This is Belphegor. If sexual frankness isn’t something you are comfortable with, skip this entry.
Note: I originally communicated with this entity several months ago. I will state that my energy bodies were in need of serious work. So, everything about this Belphegor entry should be taken with a grain of salt. This is how Belphegor interacted with myself, to you it may be entirely different. This is the sigil I will be referencing.

Session One

The bottom triangle is a powerhouse, a torrent of power below masculinity. It has a strong connection to the anima and animus.
The portion that looks like male anatomy is Baal Peor. I was told to travel to Baal Peor, location, and the male anatomy part of the sigil was show to me.


Scrying, I felt the impression of a vast amount of sexual ecstasy. I thought of it as the sort of ecstasy with a person you really love, it was deeper than just lust. A full bodied ecstasy. It felt like this was ~3 seconds before sexual release. Time was paused. This entire sexual ecstasy became the focal point. Here and now, it is no longer about bodies or people or feelings. Just vast sexual ecstasy. It felt like an awareness “point” began somewhere in this mixture. Think of this sexual ecstasy as a circle. An awareness point begins somewhere in the mixture, and circumambulates the circle. It has a gravity to it, like a wrecking ball.
It rises. This is Belphegor.

This spirit asked me,
Are you suited for my energies?
Spoiler alert, I was not. However, it guided me to some basic sexual type magick. It was kept simple, as I have no experience with that. It involved receipts, fluids, and the word gratitude.

The image of Belphegor
Glass painting
I look up a hundred foot painting
At the Anja, the green glow of an emerald
Panning down, a title:

an approximation of my…me
[This is how I first “saw” Belphegor. It was like a surreal painting. I used the above, imagining it as a grand movie to connect with Belphegor. I had the impression that the inverse, the upside down “version” of this glass painting is the Qlippothic take of this spirit. I gained the impression to write his name top to bottom. I was shown the E is for Emerald, and the B is for Base. I suspect this relates to sexual alchemy. I have not pursued this alchemy item further.]

Into the Underground
This portion concerns Belphegor and the subconscious. This spirit is mighty in this field.
Let’s go to your subconscious
I arrived at a beach, a storm was brewing. At the shoreline, I saw mossy rock and concrete as from a castle. It was used to create a safe walkway, and it was ~3 feet tall, protecting my left and right sides.
That is a residence. We arrived at a place I dreamt about for years, but kept forgetting.

[I dreamt about key points in my subconscious, but it is Belphegor who helped stich it all together. Think of it like this: you dream about certain rooms and forget. This repeats for decades. Eventually somebody comes along and explains how these rooms are in a vast castle that is your subconscious. Suddenly, you are illuminated and remember all these forgotten “rooms”.]

Arriving, we saw underground caves. The predominant color is brown. I hop on a rollercoaster [the first instance I can consciously direct travel in my subconscious]. The rest it private, but it concerned transmuting beliefs about wealth and sources of income.


Working with The Watchers

This work uses the book “Pathworking of the Watchers” by Ars Aurora and Churaki Ashan. Raziel initiated events that led me to the Watchers, thank you Raziel.

I know this work will teach me to use Air to direct Water. Using thoughts to direct emotions, to calm the waters. I have more or less been dominated by my emotions all my life. The outcome was often harmful thought-loops: water dominating air. Not this time. We have some neat tools now.

Session 1
Tuesday, Hour of Saturn

I had a chat with Beleth, concerning a long term relationship that recently ended. Hearing the facts, from a third party (Beleth) was really damn difficult to hear. She was speaking, and then said
I’m told to not comment further
Respectfully, her tone had a “boss looking over your shoulder” vibe.
I asked, who? Who told you to not comment further?
Which you?
the death you
How do I spea…

Shemyaza and Azazel

The book uses Shemyaza as a guide, much like a Raziel or Hermes. I performed the Shemyaza p/w and then journeyed to Azazel.
I was in a dark f***ing place and Azazel said
gods too weep/gods do weep
[feeling, emotions… these are kinships with all sorts of “things”]
I heard Shemyaza and Azazel speak “off camera”, maybe about me, maybe it’s just my ego wanting it to always be about me.
They asked me a question, and I responded “burn me with truth”. Not being edgy, I freaking mean it.
Talk, more, daily
An impression of breadcrumbs. I felt this weird mirroring-effect, where I began to reply to Azazel in their sort of style, I suppose. Can’t explain it.
I say, “Not all games are worth playing”. One of them turns their head cockeyed and half smiles.
Not all meats can be consumed in one sitting.
I say, “And some appetites remind me of us”.

The rest was a bizarre conversation. I’m not writing it because it sounds like fragmented spirit talk that may be profound or may be bs. Either way, this was weird. Ego-me definitely took a back seat here, even the stuff I responded back, I’m reading it and it doesn’t make any sense. I’m not sure what talk of meat and games has to do with anything! Maybe it’s the sort of thing that will become clear when I finish this first round of working with the Watchers.

Edit: Azazel has ~5 pathworking steps. Around the 4th step, something bizarre happened. I saw the me/self/whatever in this pathworking. It shuddered or shook, and this stuff like slag vibrated off. I felt myself turn into a bunch of wheel things with eyeballs. I know that’s a type of angel category, but I’m not really sure about why that happened, or what it has to do with anything.
Edit 2: This stuff makes my brain hurt. More questions. A good sign, in this case.



Not a session.
Day of Saturn
Hour of Jupiter

Note: This touches on sexual topics. If it isn’t your cup of tea, skip this entry

I now understand “being drowned by Asmodeus”. That was a phrase some of the Goetic Kings used. Drowning.

The pursuit of my passions (sexual conquests in college, pleasure for the sake of pleasure, self image depending on the amount and variety of my partners) this yielded: resentment, jealousy, rage, and envy! There is nothing wrong, innately, with pursuing one’s passions. However, a bone headed pursuit of passions can produce slag.

Slag, in this case, being envy, jealousy, rage, resentment, powerlessness manifest as an egoic addiction to using control. My “issues” with Christianity blinded me to the above fact. I essentially dismissed the possibility of envy, rage ect existing due to the fact that it sounded too Christian. That is foolishness.

This isn’t my usual sort of entry, but it is very much worth sharing. This insight was spurred after a brief visit from Azrael, and to him I give thanks. Death is not the enemy. I am my own worst enemy. (Azrael likes copal resin.)



Day of Mercury.
Planetary hour unknown.

Balam’s Pearl
You need to read this.
Balam manifested as a titan on a great bear. I focused on a peculiar bird, perched on his arm.
Whispers of madness and light spoke Balam, referring to the Bird.
I asked Balam about this Bird.
can remove madness
What of the light?
he can remove madness

This Bird who often appears with Balam can remove madness. I know this because I worked with this spirit for nine days, per Balam’s recommendation. What constitutes madness, for myself, are lower level mental states. I tasked this Bird to remove madness once a day for nine days.

I would encourage those who are established to reach out to Balam and inquire about this Bird. I’ll write less rather than more, because I don’t want to influence your rendition of Balam and this Bird. I do suspect the Bird is it’s own entity.


I just purchased “The pathworking of the watchers” by Churaki Ashan. Is it a requirement to have the incense and crystals… in order to do the pathworkings in the book? I ask because I only saw a " must have" oil for the watcher Danel.


Not a requirement. All you do is Shemyaza’s pathworking, then the pathworking for the Watcher you will contact.


It’s called Big Picture, my dude

At a deep subconscious level, I viewed magick as a vending machine. I’m not self-immolating here, I’m just being frank. I wanted magick to give me a wife, house, kids, and a dog. I was on my way to that, and now I am not.

My Lesson? Find the gold in the bucket of shit. Losing the above is a bucket of shit, it stinks. The gold? Power of the Present Moment.

I spent a bunch of time daydreaming about what I lost. I turned my heaven into hell, via unhealthy rumination.

I can die daydreaming about what was, or I can grow TF up and create new memories instead of reminiscing about what was.

I choose to embrace what is, rather than longing for what was.

Thanks to Malkuth, Yesod and Amon.



The Angels of Omnipotence

I saw a cube. I saw the Angels of Omnipotence standing at each face of a cube. They had their backs turned to the cube. In the direction each angel faced, light expanded out, precisely as a prism does.

I may have seen the angels stand at the corners too. (I’m at Yesod, so this is as I was in a hypnagogic state.) I was then “pulled up”.

This entire event/structure/angels-being-weird-with-a-cube took on an aura of grandeur. A golden throne, tall, immense. (Metatron comes to mind.) This throne has ornate somethings along the rim.

I “choose”. I find myself sitting on this throne. I feel a “line” from each angel, which connects to the corresponding cube face, and this flows up the golden throne, into myself.

My Opinion

I think this was not a test. I think it was a way for me to understand in my own manner if and how I connect with the Angels of Omnipotence. It seems like I click with this well.

The next day I asked two of them to unlock their abilities within me. Oh boy. Shadow work time. It’s tough, but you know what? I’ve spent my whole life very close to my shadow. In a uncomfortable sort of way, I feel at home.

I’m crying at random, I worry to the point of arguing outloud with myself. But you know what? I feel right at home. My inner work is picking up, much like when I worked with Belial (unknown to me) several years ago.

I’m a person that “overshares”. Cool. I know at least one person benefits from this post. They may not like or comment on this. Just know, this was for you.

Edit: This spurred me to resume drawing. Basically, I’m drawing reoccurring dream locations, along with whichever symbols or spirits come to mind. I decided to categorize these drawings as thus: A-Z, 1-24.

So, my first set of drawings are A1, A2… A24. My intent is to then complete this up till Z24. Then, I will plug the letter number combos into excel.
Would ya look at that? It’s my astral world, on an Excel Spreadsheet
I then take these combos and digitally overlay the alphanumeric combos onto a digital sphere.
Dude. It’s literally a digital-physical representation of my personal Yesod.
Indolence into Individuality. The vice of yesod into the virtue of yesod.


Very creative!

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Thank ya friend! :metal:t4:

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Ancestors and Andrealphus
I detected a paradox regarding my Meso-American Ancestry, of which there is minimal material on. I always felt them, but did not know how to communicate with them. I often felt my ancestors just waiting to express themselves, as they were, before authoritarian religions overtook them. I felt a gentle sorrow, as if an entire civilization wanted to do nothing more than dance their native dances, just for a moment, in flesh.

Long story short, I looped this song and fell into a trance. I was simultaneously aware of my body, and equally focused into a sort of dream world. I saw a great fire pit, and people dancing around it. My ancestors invited me. Collectively, they manifested as a great Chinese dragon with the colors from the above song. Meanwhile, my body struck various poses. I stopped my fervent dancing, in the pose of a bird. Andrealphus was present, and provided me with a headdress. It stretched to my arms, much like feathers. I was made aware of Camio, and how he transforms one into a bird. I felt this feather headdress as literal extensions of my body, like having an extra set of fingers. Kind of freaky.

Somehow, I spoke with Darkness itself. I called it Tezcatlipoca, other times Lucifuge Rofocal. Darkness, as Lucifuge Rofocal, offered to remove my Darkness (here, as addictions). I declined. There is a gem in my Darkness; there is a gold bar in a bucket of shit. Then, Tezcatlipoca called me his son. I was reminded of a BALG post written to all those who think they are incarnations of spirits.

The headdress itself spoke, and I channeled it. This entity is best embodied by the Feather. The type of color of the Feathers produce different “tones” or “personalities.”

Silver Feather
Outside times and spaces,
Silver Feather.
Thy time and thy space is as sand beneath my feet,
A wave which I surf upon.


Silver Feather is a consciousness. Consciousness exists beyond time and space. Therefore, Silver Feather is a consciousness beyond time and space.

I worked with Gabriel and Raziel to ensure the validity of these experiences.

This is a fresh and new direction, and I am jazzed to see how this goes!


Tezcatlipoctla and Quetzalcoatl

Working with the Angels of Omnipotence, I connected to my ancestors. My ancestors led me to Tezcatlipoctla and Quetzalcoatl.

How did I connect to these spirits, who have been forgotten in this age?

K.I.S.S! Keep it simple and sweet. I worked myself into a feverish trance. I fasted most of the day, and aquired a small amount of alcohol and mushrooms. These are sacraments. I used a hard seltzer and blessed it to connect me my ancestors, and I prayed to the mushroom. (Like 25% the size of my pinkie nail).

Then I played the same tribal song for an hour. I began to dance to the point of exhaustion. I did wierd yoga poses (I don’t know yoga), and sweat was dripping off me.

I had a drawing of Lucifuge Rofocal, and I took my sweat and applied this to the drawing. I did bird type dances, and was pulled into a sort of fireplace where all my ancestors danced.

Lucifuge Rofocal was always present. He told me that he “approximates” Tezcatlipoctla. This was confirmed in Jareth Tempest’s facebook page.

I forgot to record, but here is a transcript. I look forward to deeper, more fleshed out conversations.


Seems like expectations be the wrong approach with thee.
You’d be correct
The night hawk king

The song changed.

Just play Quetze” - Tezcatlipoctla
Referring to the song “Birth Song for Quetzalcoatl”
You don’t understand”
I feel beautiful tears swelling up on Quetzalcoatl’s face.
I state “Quetzalcoatl I channel you and your brother.” At this time, I didn’t know they were related.
A sensation of frustration arises, not of I.
We don’t know
I ask them if they mean they don’t know how to express themselves/how they fit into this time and this place.

They move the right hand and arm to the heart. They take a deep and respectful bow to me. Which is confusing.
You write
I assume that conscious contact with them, coupled with a desire to document it, is not common.
I pull a taro card, 3 of wands.
Don’t muddle” - Tezcatlipoctla.
I think this means to respect what I am doing, and to not corrupt it with Kabbalah, correspondences ect. I don’t recall what followed.


Meso-America Stirrings






I enjoy drawing spirit-y stuff, more than writing about it. I feel something related to madness here, but we are kin somehow.


Yes me too to be honest…It‘s an intuitive way to communicate.