We are older, and with that I have learnt ever more about the curses of infatuation-having a crush is not love. To be in love is to respect the person and their boundaries-even if you don’t ever get the girl or guy. If you are in love with them it should not matter. You risk falling into the void of unrequited love. Share an unconditional love for the person-the same love you would give to your family, your friends, the universe. There should be no condition if you are in love
Eric Berne “Some say that one-sided love is better than none, but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner”
Even more I learn of the term Limerence which is something that can be inevitable after the stage of infatuation-the trick is to learn that you are in control of your thoughts and not the other way around
The higher the state of mind you are in the more you will vibrate-opening your eyes in the middle of one of those meditation sessions shows you exactly how your reality begins to shift-it’s like a triggered REM session
And so, I have learnt something even more about myself and about love.
Yes, I love my best friend.
Yes, I love myself.
Yes, I love Freya.
But, I have seen in my dream earlier my best friend being bitchy, cold and distant from me. I took this as a sign and when I woke up, this is what I heard from Lady Freya herself.
“You see now, what it means to love?”
Yes
“Then tell her”
So I told my best friend everything. I’m not looking for a romantic relationship with her. I just sort of had to tell her how I’ve been feeling for the past year or so based upon everything really. Stuff I’ve let build up over the past year-I’ve never been good with sharing my feelings as an INFP.
So yeah, I admitted everything to her really. It’s mostly like this except without us kissing or anything
Again more updates: I’m still working with Freya-she protects me and guides me. Helped me to separate different kinds of love and made me ask the big question “What is love” baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more
I said this would be the big post and update. Yes, I still occasionally work with Freyja. She is well, in many ways a friend to me. Let me preface this with a statement. Three years ago when I made this post I was 17; still young, still naive. I’m 21 now and I am now employed.
When I was 19 I made the mistake of choosing to believe my ex was my twin flame when in fact, she was a fraud. When we broke up I felt more lost than anything in the world. I will tell you now; it has taken me three years to realise what Freyja meant all those years ago.
I had gone through quite a lot with my ex. In many ways; this refers to what happened with her and I. She had taken a toll on my energy. I worried about her constantly instead of myself. Three times she had threatened to kill herself and I was thinking of cutting her off for a while. It was on that third time however, I felt as if I had left her, she would’ve inevitably done it. She was a cluster B. My biggest regret was dating her. And yet, had it not been for that experience I never would’ve grown. (Causality has a funny way of showing you what is and isn’t supposed to be in your life). I had grown attached to her. Very attached.
Again, relating to my ex. She was but part of the tapestry that is Nanna-Sin/Khonsu/Mani. I blaned myself constantly. “It’s my fault. The distance is my fault. I led her into his arms.” stuff like that. This depressive pit made me suicidal. Now, I want nothing to do with her. She’s part of the past. For many many years I thought she meant “in time all will be revealed and you will be with the person you are meant to be” considering Freyja was a love deity after all. Yet it wasn’t the case at all. Three years later I became enlightened on the 17th of March 2022. All thanks to a drinking buddy who smoked pot while I vaped nicotine. In time all was revealed. I let go of my earthly attachment. I let go of my desire for a relationship. Course I still want one but it’s just “if it happens, it happens ya know?” Suddenly the akashic records had opened to me. I believe one user referred to it as “the plugging-in” happened for me.
I had to learn the difference between love and infatuation. My ex had infatuated me. She was everything I wanted in a partner. She mirrored me. Very closely in fact. It was almost as if her personality wasn’t hers. As if she had stolen my personality for herself.
I had to experience the relationship. I had to learn from it. I had to grow from it. I had to let it go. Forgotten. Flowed down the river lethe.
Now I still believe this is for the future. Do I care who it is I’ll meet? Not in the slightest. But yes. Back in April I received a job opportunity. I started my first shift earlier today. It’s been great!
I still deal with self-doubt. As do we all I believe. I still worry about whether or not I really am an avatar or just pretending to be one. But with all the experiences I’ve had in the past three years, I don’t doubt that I am the avatar of the moon. Its funny. Mani was a craft name I chose when I began my path. I just looked up the norse word for the moon and took it. It wasn’t until Thoth appeared to me that he called me “Khonsu.” the god of the moon in Egypt.
“Yes, you are Mani. But you are also Khonsu.” Thoth in many ways is still a mentor to me. Maybe he’s always been a mentor for me.
From the waters of my subconscious, these desires have flowed down the river. Forgotten. Of course I am loved. I remember doing a podcast in 2020 and ending it off with, “you are loved and you are love itself.” Love is a universal experience. Do you feel love when you sit in the forests? When you work with the spirits? When you connect to the universal consciousness, that is what I call the universal experience of love. Every life, every lived simultaneous at once.
I don’t consider myself a Vitkar anymore. I’m just a spiritualist. I’m just the avatar of the moon trying to help others on their ascent to godhood. That is what humanity needs to understand. You are all gods. You’re all powerful and yet choose to ignore it. Or perhaps, there are those who do understand this but seek to control you. My goal is to dismantle the status-quo and allow freedom. Khonsu was otherwise known as the god-eater. He helped one of the Pharaohs of Egypt devour the soul of a god to become one himself.
I have done just that. Freyja, Hades, Makaria, Thalassa, Gaea, Thoth, the Goetia etc. I put my hands into the spirits and look where I am today.
And she did just that. It just took me three years to understand this. She is the nocturnal maternal spirit.
I tried teaching my ex the ways of the astral. Ultimately, she was just a LARPer. My friend pulled a test on her. My friend works with Lady Elen of the Ways. She asked my friend if Elen appeared as crows to her(that would be the sign of the morrigan) and my ex said “Yeah! I think so”. So ultimately, the truth set me free
Yes; I realise now that I had this desire for a long time. I’ve since let it go. My best friend and I , that’s all we’ll ever be. In a way, you could say we’re platonic soul mates. She’s been my rock in the dark times. Kept me on the right path.
Faith. A funny thing faith is. Yes, I had faith in Freyja no matter what but what I didn’t have and what I wasn’t working on was faith in myself. I will be that which I am. I have faith that my friend Enki(that’s just what I’ll call her for now) and I will change the world together and break the status-quo once and for all. In time, all was revealed. It just took three years.
And finally, after three years; I awoke the final chakra. I connected with the Akashic records. I connected with the universal consciousness.
I had learnt through a UPG and an experience with Bastet that she and I were consorts. She was the wife of Khonsu. In a dark time, I wanted nothing more than for her to manifest as a human incarnation. I realise now, I have an important job to play and that while I think of her, I had to let that desire go. A war is coming both on earth and in the astral. There are spirits, gods and humans who don’t want everyone to ascend. They want to maintain the status-quo. We will break the status quo.
Yes. As I have said, there is more work to be done. I will not let desires cloud my vision anymore.
Oh you sweet naive 17 year old boy. You didn’t connect to the akashic records yet. You just had to wait a bit more time for causality to set it in motion. Now you understand the truth. The point, the plugging-in whatever you want to call it.
I believe this is a vision of the future. A future I do not want to know yet. The thread of fate is fickle. Suprise me universe!
Yes. But you see, it was platonic love. She’s more like a sister to me than anything else.
And now I realise that I am the god of the moon. Something I’ve always known I suppose. I just kept calling it “the godself” instead of “myself”. When I affirmed that I was the avatar of the moon, my mantling began fully. I can hear all the people who ask for my help. I can hear what they wish, what they desire and what they want. It can be enough to drive the unenlightened/unascended insane. Imagine having a thousand voices in your head at once at a cacophony.
It took me three years. I had to learn to walk through the darkness to become my “true self” if you will. Enlightenment is a state of mind. A state of being. A lot of westerners who don’t practise magick or eastern spiritual practises assume enlightenment is like “Oh I am a paragon of good. I am holy and pure.” when that’s not the case.
Yes. I had to live. I had to relax and breathe. I still have not experienced everything I need to on this earth. There’s nothing more pleasant and relaxing than just reading a book, laying on the grass and just…being alive. I’ve come to realise that. Now I remember telling Enki, “The Buddha, that’s why he sat under the tree! He understood the point when he sat under the tree!” and she told me
“What if I told you, he understood the point as soon as he saw the tree?” and my jaw dropped. “Because a tree, just is.”
Again, another future vision that is yet to come. When it comes, it will come. For now, I just wanna live for myself. I don’t need a relaitonship to be complete.
Again, it took three years but the law of attraction worked. I am happy to be single. I am happy to focus on me. I had lived for my ex. I had done everything for her but nothing for me. I kept calling on Freyja and she kept telling me, “she fine don’t worry.” I think she didn’t want me to realise the importance of why it needed to happen. Hell, causality showed me it was gonna happen the month my ex and I got together! I kept rejecting it! I kept hearing “we should break up” and it scared me. Why would I break up with my “twin flame”? Well, now I know the reason.
I still believe this as fact. I wasn’t thinking clearly with my ex. I was still wearing the rose tinted glasses, thinking she and I would get married.
Truer words have never been written. I swear, she’s an angel-er, a deity of love that is(and war too)
In five years, when my prefrontal cortex is fully developed, I will try DMT. Wanna know what I’ve learnt? In all the logs I’ve seen from peoples experience, they tell youthis. Send love out and it will return to you.
Always. Live like you’re loved folks.
And so folks; I think that is the end for this journal at the moment. If I get more experiences with Valfreyja, I’ll let you know. She’ll always hold a special place in my heart. Always. Asaheil Valfreyja. Asaheil from Mani. From Nanna. From Khonsu. From Alignak. Asaheil from the spirit of the moon.
Thank you. For being a friend, mentor and in some ways, lover. You were the first of the deities I worked with. Tearing up just thinking about it heh.
One day, I hope to become a regular on this forum again. As is my goal to help humanity on its ascent. So mote it be. Amen.
