Thanks for an interesting reply. Yes, I get I might come off as a bit desperate, even to the point of looking ridiculous - sorry about that - but I am actually quite sincere. Also, I think you’re quite right about many of us closet people. To be honest, at least I hope so.
Alright, no need to rush anything. You begin something by putting a foot in fron of the other. Not by climbing Mount Everest. I get it.
I understand where you’re getting at and appreciate your willingness to be forthcoming to a forum such as this and to even have the etiquette to question if what you’re posting is of relevant or kind regard or not. Good work 
I hope I didn’t offend anyone with the gender dysphoria/psychosomatic illness comment that I had made. It’s a speculative viewpoint with some believing an ethereal version of them is embodying them, just of the opposite sex which is why they wish to transition. I get that as well.
Apologies to anyone transgender and whatnot, didn’t mean to accuse your identity as an illness straight off the bat. But it could be, that’s all.
This be a forum where people openly discuss cursing and destructive magick but when a few terms flair up everyone loses their mind we gon get a long long thread page going. Hahahaha OP would be laughing at this when he sees it
Yeah, I don’t get the fuss over who gets to use what words. The way I see it, say what ever you want and never place words on a pedestal. Terms hold less power that way anyway
Hey, I think it is possible to live the afterlife you want by working with Lilith. I also think that it’s possible for you to manifest soul travel and start living that life before you die.
What you want to do is advance yourself spiritually. I believe that one of the most significant things to have that will enable this is self-respect. From reading your post it sounds like you may be self-hating and that really won’t help you.
Entities here are generally very helpful, but I’ve noticed a trend on people’s posts where sometimes entities will walk over people who are allowing themselves to be walked over. And I think that is just a lesson for us to be our own Gods and have self-respect.
So my advice is do all the normal stuff to ascend and gain psychic powers: meditate, chakra work, evocations. But I believe loving yourself will really be what propels you. Not loving yourself because of any reason, but just being loyal to yourself and the personal godhood you are ascending towards. Cause otherwise if you come to Lilith with ingrained self-hate you will find yourself growing into a different place than you would if you work with her and have self-love, even if both places are more positive than your life now.
After a few critical changes you’ll embody and an advancement in magic you’ll come to realise that you’re in fact very cool.
Encore couldn’t have explained it better. Lilith would definitely be a suggestible one. It all starts with basics first and as I relayed on a previous thread, your craft has to start with self acceptance or else when you practice there’s this psychological pull that holds you back almost as if insecurity, doubt, shame, fear and guilt play these elements in really holding you back from reaching that will and focus.
This is why I like excercising and practicing MMA and going gym, I find that with spiritual growth you really have to push yourself in certain areas until it’s really fucking painful. I swim in the oceans in winter, I don’t like it, but it feels fucking amazing. I’m completely submerged within the ocean with my body achieving a heightened state of awareness due to extremely cold temperature.
Plato said it himself, what does a man truly know about himself if he hasn’t pushed himself to his physical capabilities? While you’re out there find your passion or your hobby and work on self growth, because as a person you’d want to really seek knowledge out of curiosity and fair play, magick is play.
I don’t encourage anyone to seek magick out of desperation. Self love first, then arrange your pact with Lilith after you’ve learnt all the 101s belonging to your system. Everyone’s magickal system is very unique. I suggest reading Liber Lilith as I find this depicts Lilith in its raw nature. Learn about Lilith and feel her connection. But before all this is done, have your shit down packed because she is very, impressively powerful.
The forum does have rules towards using hate speech, as well as rules concerning the handling of posts of a baneful nature. This isnt 4chan where anything goes, although it may sometimes look that way. However, I pointed it out merely because the OP really shouldn’t feel lesser than simply for being gay. I don’t really care if he wants to use the word. My comment was meant to give him a boost in confidence, not tear him dowñ. Whatever floats your boats though. However, i’d be surprised if a person with such a low opinion of themselves is somehow going to muster the self confidence necessary to summon and command entities like Lilith. Just something to think about.
I knew that from the start that you said it out of boost and not exactly being the forum police. But yeah we’ll leave it at that. Let’s keep on topic.
It’s very awesome to meet another trans member! I’m agender/nonbinary and a worshiper of Lilith. It’s been an interesting journey, coming to her as someone who once claimed a partial connection to feminity, but then doing away with it entirely. I only feel feminine energy when I do rites with her so I feel that on an astral or soul level, I still have a connection to being feminine, but not female. She’s been very helpful in reconciling my gender identity, especially after having my hysterectomy.
If you want to DM, feel free to. My mundane ambitions are to found a nonprofit to help transgender people so I’d be able to help you with resources, whatever you might need.
PS everybody watch the slurs in here… not to sound “sjw” but people can have visceral reactions to seeing these things listed out. I personally can’t see the word “ret*rd” without feeling sick (due to my history of being in special ed and other supportive type programs).
Encore19 and Whitehowlite, those were some seriously thought-provoking replies. Even had to put off replying for a few hours cause I needed to process them. The foundational take-away was this: “Hey, I think it is possible to live the afterlife you want by working with Lilith. I also think that it’s possible for you to manifest soul travel and start living that life before you die.” Thank you, Encore. Very encouraging, and yes, “astral projection” (I like your term soul travel better!) is something I’ve been wanting to do for about six years now. But I probably hadn’t calculated with self-respect being instrumental to its success, neither in getting in touch with someone like Lillith in order for her not to simply “walk over you”, a lack of self-respect or self-love becoming a block to a successful relationship with her.
That’s likely because I’m coming from a place where I’ve always seen Lilith, Astarte-Ishtar, Venus, Isis, Kubabah, Hekate, Babalon etc as essentially the same, as manifestations of The Great Mother Goddess, in whose bosom there is unconditional love, unconditional acceptence and whom you run to for protection, her slaves ecstatically happy to be devoured by her for all eternity. There was never a requirement in that line of thinking to “respect yourself”.
But if you say it’s an obstacle, what is self-hatred exactly and do I actually hate myself? Frankly, I’m not sure. Of course I suffer from a huge lack of self-confidence/-esteem due to my poor physical manifestation in this world: especially looks, but also genderwise, the latter not least lethargy inducing. But I don’t hate my soul. In fact, I’m massively in love with myself as a soul and the lusciously sweet and sinful depths to which it is able to descend. What I lack is the proper body to navigate the world we are in right now. Had I had the ravishing female body I want, I would have no qualms or hesitation for instance about what to do with this life. I’d been on the phone to Germany today, signing up at an extravagant fetish-studio as a motherly bizarre lady & switch, specializing in naughty latex slaves with particularly bad cases of saliromania. 
But still, your points are highly worth considering. What if I suffer from “ingrained self-hate”? I might be. I just don’t really know. And you’re right about psychological blockages presenting themselves as soon as I try to get serious about working towards realizing my dreams and otherwordly destiny. So it looks like I suffer from it to some extent. One main concern I have is a need for protection. I have a prostitute’s mindset in that regard, I admit it, and it’s one of the main reasons I want to go to hell, which to me is a warmly inviting, darkly protective, sleek, luxurious and sensual place. Is this need for protection actually a facet of self-hatred? If it is, I’m going to be majorly confused.
Thanks for providing guidelines and practical advice on where to begin, so that possibly I might understand the above properly. I will take the advice of both of you to start with the basic, simple and foundational things to heart. Things like meditation, chakra work etc as well as being mindful about my own godhood.
Again, much love & gratitude,
Monique
Well constructed post style you got there, you have the sensible flow that makes it easy to read.
That protection you feel may come from a receptive place, where the ‘receptive’ part of you feel like it needs guarding, being submissive to the one(s) ‘actively’ protecting you. A woman feels much safer walking home with a man she knows than no man at all at night.
She feels comfortable because she knows she could be potentially vulnerable within the perimeters, but with someone walking with her; there is this warm comfort. So, how do you identify your values with the world? Do you scrutinise your affairs and proclivities and seem unmoved because they bore you? How do you treat the life that you’re in now?
We all have our fantasies, if it it were up to me I’d want to be banging women twice my age instead of working.
Gladly so to hear that you have an innermost loving for the way you are on a soulful level, that is the self acceptance I’m talking about.
The pragmatic form of self acceptance (earthly) I’m talking about now is, what can you do for now to make this life the most of what it is whilst maintaining consistency to produce value and advance your craft? Well the answers yours my friend, we can’t provide that. You definitely know what to do, it’s a matter of when and how you approach it.
In that regard, I wouldn’t go out on a limb and call that self hatred but you probably reside on the ‘receptive’ side of things. Whereas ‘active’ is masculine, it’s leading. Have you always felt bad with confidence coz of your looks? When did you start desiring this certain perspective on things?
I’m a curious person, I just wish to know more on your side if that is okay.
Awesome and wonderful!
Pleased to meet you, SapphireWitch666! Love your idea about a transgender non-profit. YES! Know what’s been on my mind for a long time? Some organization, order, website or something that would look at trans from an occult and magickal perspective in order to cultivate our understanding, powers and trajectories into the Beyond. And here you are, a trans follower of Lilith apparently doing just that! I’m thrilled! 
As individuals we may be very different, I’m probably what you would call a “Transfeminine” MTF - as I take it meaning essentially that while in core I always identified as a woman (including loving men - I’m bisexual), I don’t deny that I was born biologically male, and in addition I’m ready to accept this fate for the duration - but we still share the fundamental trans experience of moving from one side to the other, or perhaps staying in the middle or down right exiting the spectrum altogether, so we have common interests.
I also don’t just like being feminine, I want to be female, and would love the ability to have children under the right circumstances.
This is so nice! I’d like to know as many trans people on this site as possible and I do intend to message you!
Until then,
Hugs & kisses 
Monique
Hi there Monique, it is great that you have mystic interests. Transsexuality i think is something for ascended spirits and souls who are free of gender. Maybe you might be interested to work with Baphomet but probably is better Astaroth. It is known that people are subject to alchemy with invoked spirits.
Sure, it’s very okay. You’re a real flatterer Whitehowlite, making me feel the center of attention, and that’s very appreciated. 
You’re also quite intuitive, apparently, describing the sense of security very well that’s a big item to someone like me, not least when it comes to loving the male species. Yes, I want the warm comfort of walking arm in arm with a big man, so I can lean in on him, kiss his armpit and caress his wide endless chest. Receptive and submissive goes a long way to characterize me.
But of course, in this context it’s a much bigger matter. What I’m looking for is the total protection and insulation that I imagine only a certain kind of afterlife region could offer. I need total protection from pain (I imagine various flavours of pleasure and blissful ecstacy to be the only sensations available in such a world, whatever was being done to your body - actually, that’s a requirement!) but I also yearn for the full protection from the outside, from souls not sharing a similar vibration, lust, tastes and desires, from pesky and inquisitive former family members, from judgement, from consequences, from all forms of the so-called “good”, threatening with the pollution of paradise.
I only wish that in return my soul, supplanted by a deliciously desirable body, is able to offer enough perverse entertainment to my masters, in mindless, crawling servitude, exploitation, worship and enslavement. Such is the shameless yearning for loving protection in the mind of this spineless prostitute.
As for the world right now and my ‘values’, my number one priority is to hide and keep my heart a well-guarded secret. I lead a fully fletched double-life, patiently waiting it out. It’s not that I don’t feel empathy or sympathy for others, especially if they feel trapped here like me, or even some of the wordly causes, but in comparison to what I really want, yeah, it’s mostly just another form of cover.
The only relation to this world that I would care about upon reaching my destination would be the many souls who like me had to endure this world as unloved males, and those are innumerable, with ranks growing every generation. In female form, I wouldn’t mind specializing in compensation so as to realize their every extreme and bizarre desire, tenfold their expectations. Not least in the role of loving dominatrix mother, even though I might be a slave myself in the larger scope of things (where is the gloved cracking whip emoji when you need one!) 
You also ask when I began to feel the lack of confidence due to my looks, and when I started desire this certain perspective on things. Well, I lost that confidence as soon as I turned fat at age 6, a condition I then could never shake but for limited periods of time, and I guess this specific metaphysical perspective has grown on me gradually since at least adolescence. I still keep drawings of my dreamscape that I did in highschool, and they seamlessly fit in with the metaphysics of the other world dynamics I currently imagine and strive for. I also got to know the names of Ishtar and Lilith in highschool or junior high, and perhaps my evolution has been helped along by me actually being the son of a minister. Seeing the erotic through spiritual eyes have always come naturally to me.
Sometimes I play with the thought that it’s almost like some entities have set my whole life up in order to groom themselves an especially agreeable slave girl, while creating a joke of a life that’s entirely on me. If so, I verily don’t mind the humiliation, but laugh along with it, just as long as my Master will take me back and love me forever. I know, it’s just fanciful thinking! 
On a more serious note, if this is truly what I want, you’re all doing me a service pointing out that I need to concentrate on refining my life and soul, getting my focus and current “play” shit together, so to speak. I do not wish to be deemed unworthy by The Great Goddess, meaning being able to endure her presence. Speaking of which, I believe it’s now time for my meditation!
Oh, and sorry for the extended period of time I’ve not been replying to this thread. I’ve kept it in mind, though, and the time lapse considered I can only say that I’m completely cool with no one rushing in to reply in turn. I just felt I wanted to answer your questions as best I managed in the present moment, Whitehowlite.
Good grief. I hope you do not regard yourself as a satanist? That would be an embarrassment.
Also, you do not speak for genuine satanists (followers of the satanist/Might is Right philosophy). If I or anyone else wishes to make someone feel inferior it will be done (because they actually might be), Saruman. Pity or weakness are a disease which makes sick the strong.
Honestly, Lilith is more about empowerment, whenever you worship a being, you are saying that that being has more power than you do.
However, what happens in a power Dynamic whenever one person is stronger than the other? The power Dynamic becomes skewed, and the relationship becomes abusive.
In a spiritual world, beings that are on an equal playing field are able to interact peacefully, and they are able to give each other at the very least I moniker of respect.
I don’t think that Mama Lilith would want you to worship her, although giving her thanks, working with her, and letting her Empower your life is a different story.
Regardless of your biological gender or the sexual orientation that you personally have taken onto yourself, Mama Lilith would much prefer that you acknowledge your own power, and the first part of that is acknowledge that you have power.
I’m 37 years old, I’m divorced, and I very nearly went to prison twice. Sorcery saved me from all of that, but only after I recognize my own power.
Work on the self-esteem, there are many beings that will help with that, Mama Lilith included. Recognize your own self-worth, know that you are worthy of anything you want, then, you can work on getting things to happen in your life.
Look, I understand that it is a case of easier said than done, we’ve all went through our own hardships, that’s half the reason a lot of us became Sorcerers and Black magicians, so that we could strike back at a world that has wronged us, but also, through these trials and tribulations, we have been able to grow immensely stronger than others.
The people who have lived the easy lives, the popular kids, the jocks, The Outlaws, the bullies and the rest, they don’t understand adversity the way we do, these are people who have never been homeless a day , these are people who have never been ridiculed for being gay, these are people who have never been forced to eat out of a garbage can, and these are people who have never known the darkness of suicide. We know that , we know all of that.
Work on your self-esteem first, realize that you are perfectly okay to be whoever the hell you want to be. If you’re gay, cool, be gay. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. If you are later in life, in your silver years, and you’re just coming out of the closet, better late than never.
We welcome you to The Forum, and by all means, I think that one of the first things you should do should be to put up a symbol of Lilith somewhere in your home where it is predominantly visible. This, in a subtle way, calls her to you, I recommend praying to her at night, if you want to call that you worship, feel free.
Tell her what you need, tell her your desires, maybe she’ll send a hopeful succubus to help you, to help you beautify yourself, to help you have that fire inside.
These are just rambling thoughts, but I hope they help you. I have a feeling that you’re just starting in your journey of sorcery, good luck.
Wise words. So “rambling” they deserve repeated readings. 
Just one thing: “… then, you can work on getting things to happen in your life.”
But if you are not interested in making things happen in this life, but rather in the afterlife?
Is there really not a difference?
Putting a sigil of Lilith on the wall though and let her power flow into me, that I’ll gladly do!
(By the way, you’re right about me and “sorcery”. I know next to nothing about magick or the Occult and have no access to any super natural powers, whatsoever.)
Self defeated attitude will get you nowhere.
Only meant it’s nothing I have access to right now, but if there is potential, who knows.
As a matter of fact, I was just about to edit the short reply I sent you, as I find it messy and confusing, but now I guess I’ll leave it as it is.
Whatever. Like the way you write about “Mama Lilith”.