: autogenic training + gazing practice with a breathing audio and a pin
notes: i actually did two trial runs of this one for two nights as well as doing it officially on saturday morning. each time i saw the same thing, and it was pretty remarkable how similar it was. here’s how i did it:
i did the autogenic training protocol one time. then i took a mechanical pencil and pushed one of the leads out until it stuck out 2 inches. then i pointed it at the middle of a blank piece of paper (on the first night) and in the middle of a sigil of dantalion (second night and this morning). i put the lead about 5 inches in front of the page. i stared at the very tip of the pencil lead and saw the sigil peripherally, it was blurry. then i focused on looking at the tip of the lead and not moving my eyesight from there while i did deep breathing to an audio i created.
the reason i do this is to get myself practicing staring into the void, and putting my eyesight on a place in midair BETWEEN objects. i have a feeling that is a very important part of doing evocation and i wanted to give myself a way of practicing that act by using the pinpoint as a kind of training wheel.
the first night i did it on a lark to test it out beforehand. after about 3 minutes i got the sigil flashing in blue with a purple tinge. then the whole paper flashed. then everything i looked at was flashing, very psychedelic. then i got the static rain but it looked more like a nebula, especially across the bottom of my vision. then my eyes started jumping and they started to close. i closed them and i saw a nebula clear as day but i was still alert. i stopped there.
: autogenic training + open sigils
notes: last night. instead of a blank page i used dantalion’s sigil. everything that happened above happened again but this time a couple of other things happened. almost immediately i felt what in the new avatar power manual is known as the tickling of the ant, it was really strong over both my ears and especially behind the bridge of my nose and in my forehead, it felt like something was brushing my skull from the inside out. at one point my head started vibrating. i paid it no mind until all of a sudden i felt like i fell back into myself from my right ear! that’s when i realized. i was beginning to astral project while i was wide awake. after that i tranced so deep that i started to fall asleep. i didn’t fight it i just closed my eyes and rested for a while. i got up about 20 minutes later and skryed a bit more and asked why did i just fall asleep? dantalion said ‘hacedic.’ i was like, what is hacedic? in the middle of the night i woke up and remembered the old fashioned vice of acedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acedia). sure enough, once again the goetic spirits were right. i just don’t fuckin care about anything at all.
woke up this morning and said fuck that, i’m doing the whole thing now. so i went to a food court, set up at a table, and quickly ran through my autogenic training. maybe too quickly, it didn’t relax me at all. anyway, while i was skrying the sigil two women walked by saw what i was doing and began laughing derisively and gossipping. in my mind i was like who gave those shits permission to interrupt me? and then i laid into dantalion and started to give him a good piece of my mind. when that happened the sigil started flashing like crazy. matter of fact, EVERYTHING around me was flashing. and i kept going. i kept speaking into the sigil and i got it moving around so much i thought it was going to slide off the table. things in my vision were tweaking. everything got darker. i felt like i was looking down a tunnel. saw the nebula. the whole nine yards. NONE of that impressed me. when i make up my mind i’m not falling for parlor tricks. i just kept breathing and was like i don’t care what time it is, i’m seeing this through to the end and dan better stop being a lazy dick and show up and DO something. 42 minutes later and it was all done.
lesson i learned: don’t rush through the autogenic training, do it properly and in its time. where you direct your vision is very important.
sunday i was supposed to do the ceiling/wall exercise but it wasn’t happening so i repeated this drill. did my autogenic training and got into a good relaxed state but was still alert. then did the skrying sigil while looking at the pencil lead. saw the usual, sigil flashed, paper flashed, then everything flashed, it looked like i was taking a bunch of pictures so many flashes were going off. my mind was wandering all over the place and i didn’t even try to get it back i was just breathing and kept my eyes on the pin. i was so alert the whole time that i thought i wasn’t in trance. it wasn’t until i ended and tried to move after that i realized i was in a heavy magical trance the whole time. it took me almost half an hour to shake off the grogginess. now i know why ea says make a sandwich afterward.
one thought came to me on sunday. i don’t want to be a spiritual trekkie. i am here to find magick that cuts through and gets results, this is not a pastime for me. i’m wary of magickal ineffectiveness and broken promises. having said that, i feel good about the possibility of making spiritual contact on a higher level.
after skrying the sigil, i re-read some magickal accounts at the world’s biggest bookstore to see how what i’m doing with mastering evocation will fit into the evocations i plan to do soon. i finally saw how this missing link works in some of the accounts jason black, lon milo duquette, crowley, and others. aaron leitch’s solomonic preparations to me are just to create over the course of days or weeks the same altered states of consciousness that tgs/rapture create in a matter of minutes. it’s beginning to make sense to me now. now i get it and this information is going to be very useful when i apply it.
when i finally get to doing my evocations with these new skills, i’m going to push the whole thing to the limit until it comes through or breaks down, one or the other. can’t wait to get started.
but first, i have to finish doing these drills and really get my tgs down pat. then i go on to learn the rapture state and that’s when the rubber hits the road