got COMPLETELY off track in the last few days.
it’s been almost a week since i’ve done the skrying exercises. i was just distracted and not focused and didn’t know why. there were a lot of really wierd things going on in my life, different people demanding my attention, different things taking me completely away from what i need to be doing.
i HAVE been doing magick, though. just not sticking to the script.
in the last week i did three different radionic broadcasts, two of them multi-day. the feeling i got while doing these other radionic workings was that i was being blocked. on a couple of days i felt something in my legs and one day my eyesight just went all blurry on me. so on the weekend i did one radionic broadcast to banish and clear myself and the next day i felt much better. better than i have felt in about two weeks.
sunday night i did my first really serious skrying work in almost a week. i used water. i called the watchtowers and then sat down to skry. i used the sigil of azeziz from the grimoire conjuring demons by dezadar (http://bit.ly/17Uyg26).
i gazed the sigil and made my request for azeziz to teach me how to skry and structure on any surface at any time, because i was tired of looking for the right surfaces to work with and i want to be able to do skrying and structuring at any time in any place. then i pulled my vision back, gazed at the pencil lead, and i turned on a steady breathing audio i created to help me get into tgs faster.
my eyesight was still all wonky from the week so it took me a good while to get my flash but eventually i got it. that is why i use the lead and breathing audio. they stop me from letting my eyes wander or my breathing get shallow. great training wheels for when i lose balance which happens sometimes.
as i got the flash i noticed the air moving around me. i felt a LOT of tension around my eyes and i began to close them and squeeze them. i could feel tension being squeezed out of different muscles in my cranium, around my nose cheeks and temples. it was a lot deeper than usual, and it helped my eyes. i kept breathing and the flash got heavier, the room got darker, and my tgs got deeper. i also felt the air moving cool around my legs, and began feeling different muscles in my legs tighten up, especially my front thighs and shins/ankles. i got a feeling that the blocks were being forced open a bit. blocks that i didn’t even realize were there. after about 15 minutes of this, i finally cut through the block that had been on me for nearly a week.
when i got through the struggle to keep my body in state, i went into a VERY deep trance. in that trance i asked azeziz to teach me how to skry at all times in any surface. at that point i remembered an exercise i came up with when i used to use tarot cards. it is a simple exercise where i’d ask ‘what do i see?’ and then i describe from general to specific exactly what i see. i see a card. i see a card with x. i see a card with x and a. i see a card with x and a and b. i see a card with x and a and b and c. and i would add detail upon detail each pass.
so i began doing that as my structuring in the water. what do i see? i see a glass bowl. what do i see? i see water in a glass bowl. what do isee? i see water in a glass bowl with darkness forming a c shape. what do i see? etc.
i never actually saw any fog or shapes in the water this time but after 10 minutes of that i went deeper and deeper into trance. i fell close to sleeping i was in so deep. at that point i went to lie down. strangely enough the deep trance went away immediately.
i fell asleep and had a bunch of very strange dreams. i don’t remember most of them but i did get some kind of instruction in them. the last part of the dream i was in a room with the lights off, it kind of looked like the room ea filmed the evocation course in but the walls and windows were different, they were higher off the ground. i saw somebody walking through the hallways trying the doors. anyway, he looked in the room i was in and i locked eyes with him. at that point he turned away but then he tried the door i was in and it opened. he tried to ambush me but there was some kind of stand, it was built like a music stand. and i shoved the sharp part of it at him into his throat.
i woke up before it hit him. i haven’t had a dream like that in a long time. that felt like i was there. it was a very lucid dream.
i think i made contact with azeziz, but it was a off not a direct hit. yesterday and today i’ve been in a bit of a haze. the weather was wonky as fuck yesterday, it got COLD and dropped as low as 9C (48F) overnight. only 24 hours later it’s 30C (86F). i have noticed that many times when i conjure, the weather will either rise or drop by 10 degrees celsius (18 degrees fahrenheit). there was also a lot of dampness in the air and now i have a cold. that also happens a lot when i conjure and get contact. often i get a ton of dampness or it rains cats and dogs (enough to cause basement flooding and sinkholes at times), sometimes sharp thunder, or other times the sun will shine very brightly and there’s not a cloud in the sky but that’s rarer. all of that comes along with the temperature drops/raises.
last night i tried to skry again but it just wasn’t working. and i’ve been trying to figure out what i learned in the dream because i don’t remember any of the instructions i got in it. i have to work on remembering my dreams better. so close and yet so far. things that are working but don’t connect.
i get the feeling i’m close to actual evocations now and am wondering what to do next tbh. a bit disoriented. i’ll get back on track soon enough.
at least i know i wasn’t just drifting. something was in the way that needed to be moved.