Maintaining Focus during depression

Greetings All,

For this past couple of weeks (1.5 months), I have been stuck in a seemingly never ending state of sadness, emptiness & worthlessness. No matter what I try to watch or read to boost my mood, I just can’t lift my spirits up and if at all I manage to do it, It comes down crashing after a day or two. I feel like i have lost my drive & ambition in life itself & I’m starting to do things that I’d kicked out of my life a long time ago, particularly, smoking & the incessant urge to spend hours on the internet finding for sexual partners.

My main problem is that I can’t sit & meditate/evoke/invoke like how i used to do in the past, despite the fact that I’ve been seeing “co-incidences” around me. e.g Finding a Fluffy white feather in my bedroom (This occurs whenever I feel terrible or lost) & dreams of my totem.

At the start of my depression, I invoked Belial once to strengthen myself & although I felt better for a few hours, it just didn’t last.

I know it sounds like I’m ranting, but I just feel like pouring out all of my thoughts & emotions because, I do not have friends nor family members that I am close enough with to confide this stuff. I’m sorry if this message sounds jumbled up.

Pazuzu

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I feel for you, depression is bloody horrible and most of the things people suggest to “cheer yourself up” don’t seem to grasp the fact this isn’t just about feeling a bit sad.

I’m obviously not a medical professional of any kind (I’m a crazy strange lady on the internet with invisible demon friends) but try the following - a walk outside in any kind of green space for about 15 minutes, once a day; find a recording of some birdsong (there are lots of recordings on YouTube) and play one for the first hour or so of the day; avoid the news and anything else whatsoever that could bother you even when your mood is a bit better, you don’t need that stuff right now.

Also, make sure you’re eating healthily, for example unless there’s some medical reason not to, try and get some oily fish two or three times a week (no need to go crazy and have it more often), and bananas and avocadoes if possible for potassium.

And try to drink a glass of water every 2 hours, unless you have a medical reason to restrict fluids, dehydration doesn’t help and it’s easy to forget when you’re feeling crappy. Again, don’t go crazy, just a normal glass will do, too much will wash away electrolytes and create new problems.

Are there any Meetup.com groups near you that you could go to once a week or once a fortnight, take you out of yourself a bit? Sometimes putting on a social face can help when you feel alone with your thoughts, and there are all types of groups for different interests in Europe & the USA at least.

Finally back to magick, try calling on the goddess Hathor, she has an image and page on Wikipedia here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hathor

You can print or just look at her image and read about her, maybe light a small candle and ask for her aid, she did wonders for me when I was really low and she’s a very loving and joyous lady.

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As always, you’re great Lady Eva. The part where you mentioned about eating healthily is true, I’ve noticed that nowadays I tend to eat a lot of unhealthy food & crave for sugary drinks and it just doesn’t feel right, even though I’m not overweight by any means.

Thanks for the suggestion about Hathor & the meetup group.

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Hey there Pazuzu, My advice in terms of what you can do to help with your emotional state is to take a bottle of distilled water. Now write on the side of it with permanent marker the words, ( happiness, joy, contentment, gratitude, peace) then freeze the water until it is a solid block. Let a little of the water off the top before you put it in the freezer because it expands. When it is completely frozen take it out and let it thaw in the midday sun.

When the water is thawed drink it by the time you get to the end of the bottle you will already be feeling better and after about five minutes you will begin to notice that it is having a massive effect on your mental and emotional state.

This is so Amazingly effective that you can actually put this water in a spray bottle and just misting the room will make everyone who comes in more friendly and agreeable.

This works guaranteed and there is actual physical science to back it up! just google structure of water and Masaru Emoto. That’s Real Magick, Cheers!

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Yes, when we feel like crap and have low energy, sugar seems very appealing, but it ultimately makes things worse for most of us, maybe you could limit it to a comforting cup of malted milk, or cocoa before bed with a teaspoon of sugar in or something? If you know you have something great waiting at the end of the day, it can make saying no to yourself during the daytimes feel less like needless self-deprivation! :slight_smile:

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I have suffered with depression my entire life. I have only found a few moments of peace. But nothing takes it away completely. For me, difficult physical endeavors help: running, backpacking, and fighting (MMA etc) helped. So does riding motorcycles. But it sounds like your depression is less chronic to be honest. So for you there is hope. One thing for sure: don’t drink any alcohol. Warn your friends to not offer you any. I don’t care if you have to kick them out of your life.

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Depression is a bitch, pure and simple. its like riding out a storm at sea: minimize your sails and ride through it. I personally find that physical exercise helps a lot - it gets me out of my mind and into my body.

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To be brutally honest (Since this is the ‘non judgemental community’), one of the main (or if not main) reason for me being stuck in this depressed state is due to a compulsive sexual addiction that I have tried to destroy, but always end up relapsing and each time I relapse, I feel like I’m sinking deeper and crave for more of it, to reach the same “high”.

It’s a good thing that in the area I live, ‘hard’ drugs are pretty hard to find, or else I am pretty sure I would end up shooting heroin or smoking meth. A few times i thought of faking an anxiety attack & complaining of insomnia to the local doc. in an attempt to get Xanax or Valium, since they aren’t illicit drugs.

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I think most people on this forum have been hooked on something, at some point - we’re magicians, we like power, and the feeling of power, and we want it all right now, if not sooner. And we don’t listen to reason, or fear taking certain kinds of risks. To be like that is to lay down the “Welcome” mat to any activity or substance that can deliver with minimal fuss!

I think some questions you can profitably ask yourself are, “What would it take for me to want to stop this, for real?”

Not the negatives, you know those already - what would it take to find something more useful to your life?

Because just cutting out an addiction without having something inspiring to replace it with is a fool’s game, it just leaves a gaping roaring hole in your life that works to justify going right on back to it.

“What goes on in my mind that makes the case for going back to it?” - backtrack yourself, find out what feelings precede making that choice after you’ve intended to stop, and then see if there are other things you can do that answer to those feelings without being as destructive.

“What would make me want to stop?” - this is getting a bit more practical and down-to-earth from Q. 1.

“What beliefs underlie my caving in?” - do you feel helpless against it, like the pain of it nagging you is too much - what can you do about that? People are problem-solving beings by nature, sometimes you can solve these things and make that next onset of craving (or however it feels for you) that much easier to defeat.

(My definition of addiction is having the whiny toddler from hell inside your mind, ike some hellish car journey with a horrible brat and all it does is whine “Are we there yet?” at any stimulus - sad, bad, happy or just bored - “there” being back to the stuff or activity we’re addicted to. Glamorous, it aint!)

“What would I have to believe about myself, my life, the world - to make refusing to do this worthwhile?” - that one’s also worth some thought.

I’m not trying to TELL you to stop, I’m just sharing some ideas, these helped me and I just recently found a bunch of old Word docs with a lot of this kind of stuff in - and it DID help me. :slight_smile:

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Ill speak from experience here.

It is imperative that someone with depression discovers the source of that depression if they want to conquer it. No matter what that source is, whether environmental, physiological, mental, emotional, or even spiritual, it must be identified to be targetable, and thus dealt with head on. If the source isnt identified, we may get some relief some times from seemingly random things, but it never lasts.

Ill not sugar coat it, because as has been discussed, sugar is bad for you…

It can be extremely difficult to identify what the source of depression is, and sometimes, even more difficult to accept it as such. For many people its impossible by choice, and they never do.

This is one place where I personally think there is massive potential medical benefit in certain psychedelics such as mushrooms. Obviously I cannot recommend doing anything illegal no matter how silly the illegality of it may be, but speaking from an academic standpoint, psychedelics open the subconscious mind to the conscious mind, blowing the door between the two right off the hinges, and unless you have done nothing but meditate under a tree for the last 20 years, its about as full access as any of us will ever get to our own subconscious while still incarnate. With that access, a person who gains it with the powerful intention of finding something, such as a source of depression, will get it, if they do not resist in the process. Resistance of the demons within is what causes “bad trips”. Acceptance of them, is nothing short of completely transformative.

But the “demons” are not really demons… they are just the things we dont want to see about ourselves, and our reality, but are still true and not going anywhere. How these repressed (sometimes not consciously repressed) truths manifest can be bizarre, and hellish, but the saying “if you are going through hell, keep going” becomes extremely apt in this circumstance.

One unresisted “bad” trip could be the equivalent of years of standard Western therapy where you pay $250 a pop once a week, slowly and inefficiently nicking away at the surface endlessly, like trying to get through a steel door with a copper pick.

Of course psychedelics are illegal because they might actually prove useful and curative, and we cannot have that, so dont do them because the gubmint knows whats best for you.

Although if you are interested academically in the potential applications of psychedelics in depression, I would recommend looking up psilocybin and the research done, and still ongoing by John Hopkins University. (https://www.youtube.com/results?q=john+hopkins+psilocybin)

Introspection is key in conquering depression, whatever method is used to do so. But acceptance of what is found is equally key. Many people have an idea of what the source might be, but many of them abjectly refuse to confront it, thus consigning themselves to its grip for their entire lives.

Ill end just by saying that as long as you are moving, in some direction, you are making progress. Stagnation is a death trap, both figuratively and sometimes literally. Its very hard to get out of a deeply stagnated state, and this is were we fall “deeper” into depression, when we cease moving and allow the crumbling ground to consume us. Moving in some direction is always moving towards your goal, and motion is always preferable over standing still, even if there is no light on the path, and you must step forward into the darkness blind.

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[quote=“BB44, post:10, topic:7299”]Ill speak from experience here.

It is imperative that someone with depression discovers the source of that depression if they want to conquer it. No matter what that source is, whether environmental, physiological, mental, emotional, or even spiritual, it must be identified to be targetable, and thus dealt with head on. If the source isnt identified, we may get some relief some times from seemingly random things, but it never lasts.[/quote]

Absolutely agree with everything here, especially this bit. I lost most of the first 3 decades of my life to this hell, and changing a few small things changed EVERYTHING.

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Agreed, there’s always a REASON, and the reason needs to be identified and removed. That said, being in a depressed state is really a bad time for making the necessary soul-searching.

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It is necessary nonetheless. Moving ahead and doing that searching will feel like wearing lead boots, but its either press forward with lead boots on, or stand still and be crushed.

Also, OP, I would suggest asking for some assistance in pinpointing the specific issue/s from an entity that you are most comfortable with. I would not, however, ask it to cure you, because I think that would actually be doing you a disservice. Depression is an extremely trying experience, and it shapes you. If you can get through that shaping, you are changed, and for the better despite its very acute discomfort (to put it mildly).

Its a trial, and it arose as such because some pattern, whether emotional, spiritual, etc, was disharmonious with the rest of your being.

Depression is a result of something. But just taking away the result, does not harmonize the underlying disharmony, and thats what needs targeting. Not the result, but the underlying function that produces that result.

And even if an entity did choose to modify the underlying disharmony, I think it would be robbing you of potentially massive personal growth.

Ive been in a stagnant depression before, and it has been extremely difficult to work out of. IMO, it was many, many lifetimes in the making. A lot of hold out beliefs from previous lives, and very long set patterns and tendencies that while may having been representative of my true self so long ago, was no longer representative of who I had become, and am still becoming. From my vantage point now, its clear the worst was some years ago, probably 8 - 10 years ago at a height of disillusionment.

And if you asked me then if I would accept the depression being lifted, I would have accepted the offer. But right now, if I were to be offered the same thing, that is to have the depression lifted 10 years ago, I would have to decline. I did not have fun the past decade (or prior to it), it wasnt exciting, and it wasnt happy in any sense of the word. It was filled with unrest, and mental torment (and still is to some degree, but not nearly as harsh). But looking back, its clear how much Ive grown not in spite of those things, but because of them.

In my own UPG, our spirits are actually quite rigid things. Like an elastic but rigid material, they are not easily shaped and left in that shape. They tend to rebound into their previous form once pressure is relieved. But that original form sometimes is not our desire any longer. We want to change. Truly. So we send ourselves into the furnace, which is life, to be crushed, heated, melted down, and recast into a stronger, more preferable form according to our desires.

And being crushed, heated, and melted down is not fun, pleasant, nor quick. And when we are molten, without memory, knowing nothing with certainty but our own uncertain, liquid state, feeling unformed, incomplete… dead, and only having the vaguest senses of who we are… that is both the absolute hardest point to come out from and the most dangerous to be trapped in, but also the most powerful, potentiated state possible. Its the state where we can recast ourselves in the image of our own choosing, and become that which our old form could only dream of.

A deep depression, spiritually anyway (such is my experience), is being in that molten state. I remember many times thinking, quite factually…

“I am nothing”.
“I know nothing”.
“There is no certainty”.
“This is literally Hell and it will never end”.
“I am dead…”

But there was a sense to keep going. A sense that it would be worth it, but I didnt know what “it” was. I thought that sense to be ridiculous, but just in the off chance I was wrong, because as I knew, I knew nothing, I kept going. The lowest point, being dead is the most difficult to pass through, and the most rewarding to get past.

Its resurrection; rebirth; being melted down and the impurities burned away and being recast anew. It is new life. New existence. New spirit even; the process where the immutable, eternal spirit decides to do the impossible and change itself, and become once again rather than just be.

Its why we are here, IMO. We chose it, to change. We knew the risks, but took the chance and dove into the fire.

Many fail, and are recast into their old forms, or just barely different.

But some few succeed, and become the gods of tomorrow.

Nothing worth having is ever easy to attain.

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[quote=“Pazuzu, post:1, topic:7299”]Greetings All,

For this past couple of weeks (1.5 months), I have been stuck in a seemingly never ending state of sadness, emptiness & worthlessness. No matter what I try to watch or read to boost my mood, I just can’t lift my spirits up and if at all I manage to do it, It comes down crashing after a day or two. I feel like i have lost my drive & ambition in life itself & I’m starting to do things that I’d kicked out of my life a long time ago, particularly, smoking & the incessant urge to spend hours on the internet finding for sexual partners.

My main problem is that I can’t sit & meditate/evoke/invoke like how i used to do in the past, despite the fact that I’ve been seeing “co-incidences” around me. e.g Finding a Fluffy white feather in my bedroom (This occurs whenever I feel terrible or lost) & dreams of my totem.

At the start of my depression, I invoked Belial once to strengthen myself & although I felt better for a few hours, it just didn’t last.

I know it sounds like I’m ranting, but I just feel like pouring out all of my thoughts & emotions because, I do not have friends nor family members that I am close enough with to confide this stuff. I’m sorry if this message sounds jumbled up.

Pazuzu[/quote]

I know a little about depression… When I’m depressed nothing works except self-medication for breakthrough treatment to at least get me FEELING better even though the depressive emotion is still there. Fuck the traditional anti-depressants, which don’t work for me or have intolerable side-effects, I’m a fan of opioid-type treatments – not necessarily hard “opiates” like Hydro or Oxy but analogues and such that have the same opioid-like mechanism of action like eg Tramadol or the natural tree leaf Kratom or poppy seed tea, all three of which I am very familiar with and have taken successfull for years for breakthrough treatment of depression / lowness.

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Pazuzu forgive me but i need to be an asshole for a second because i believe you need a swift kick in the ass.

IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW YOU FEEL! IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW HIGH OR ADDICTED YOU ARE!

i live in a bad neighborhood, and once while in ritual some drug dealing gangbangers started shooting right outside of my house. you know what i did?? I KEPT THE RITUAL GOING!

focus has nothing to do with one’s emotional state (for the record i was very scared and fearing for my life, but i fought through that shit) ,it is a state of mind. a state that is created by ignoring the world around you. even if you cant actually feel this, i want you to at least create the illusion in your head that you don’t give a fuck.

true focus and concentration can be achieved at any time at any moment. if you can’t then you are NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH! “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!” IS YOUR MANTRA.

FUCK YOUR EMOTIONS, FUCK YOUR ADDICTIONS AND VICES, FUCK ALL THE STUPID PETTY LITTLE SHIT IN YOUR LIFE!! YOU ARE A FUCKING GOD!!

even a sad god can unleash a storm.

go forth now and unleash chaos.

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[quote=“WiseManEcho, post:15, topic:7299”]Pazuzu forgive me but i need to be an asshole for a second because i believe you need a swift kick in the ass.

IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW YOU FEEL! IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW HIGH OR ADDICTED YOU ARE!

i live in a bad neighborhood, and once while in ritual some drug dealing gangbangers started shooting right outside of my house. you know what i did?? I KEPT THE RITUAL GOING!

focus has nothing to do with one’s emotional state (for the record i was very scared and fearing for my life, but i fought through that shit) ,it is a state of mind. a state that is created by ignoring the world around you. even if you cant actually feel this, i want you to at least create the illusion in your head that you don’t give a fuck.

true focus and concentration can be achieved at any time at any moment. if you can’t then you are NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH! “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!” IS YOUR MANTRA.

FUCK YOUR EMOTIONS, FUCK YOUR ADDICTIONS AND VICES, FUCK ALL THE STUPID PETTY LITTLE SHIT IN YOUR LIFE!! YOU ARE A FUCKING GOD!!

even a sad god can unleash a storm.

go forth now and unleash chaos.[/quote]

Lol I like your attitude

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I thank all of you for your blunt, yet useful & priceless help. After some reflection on several things that have occurred in the past few weeks associated with my depression, one of it was a dream involving my spirit animal, I’ve come to believe that this is an opportunity for myself to become stronger and to face my inner demons once and for all, for I have been running away or trying to ignore their existence all this while by telling myself that I’m in control and good.

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Have you tried cleansing and working with your chakras. I was very depressed all the time, I have scars where I tried to slice my wrists open. Learing to cleanse and balance my chakras helped so much. Also experiencing kundilini may have several benefits for you. Because when I experience it it’s like an amazing orgasm …like oh my wow!!! As long as I work with my chakras on a regular basis …my depression is gone. At least that is what has worked for me ~ arianna
[/quote]

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I can vouch for that as well. It’s like having a full body orgasm where you can feel it in every part of your flesh as opposed to just the areas where one normally feels that pleasure when experiencing an isolated sexual orgasm. It feels so good it almost hurts, if anyone knows what I mean by that, but at the same time you don’t want those sensations to end.

And it does do wonders for your mood. I used to be overly emotional back when I never did any chakra work at all and these days, I can usually tell if one of my chakras is getting blocked because my moods will start changing and things like mild periods of depression, doubt, anger, or general moodiness and cry babyness that females tend to get naturally on occasion just from having so much estrogen flowing thru them, those more unpleasant emotions will start to surface again until my chakras are unblocked.

So good suggestion, it’s worth a try and it can fix your moods much better than any chemical medication can. Kundalini is like our own version of natural built-in self medication that most people are just ignorant to!

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We’ve all been there before, not moving forwarding because we have challenges we must face that we don’t want to face. So sometimes the best way to deal with these challenges is simply ignore them and convince ourselves that everything is just fine but doing this never amounts to anything good because the problems remain unsolved, and the challenges remain unfaced, which leads to progress being unmet.

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