Anything you run away from becomes your GOD, your ruler and overseer, because it starts to dictates what you can be, or think, or do.
I found that out the hard way, so I’m not being smug saying this… 
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I’ve never really looked deeply into the practice of Kundalini so thanks for the suggestion, I’ll look into it.
Another thing i wanted to ask earlier but forgot was that, does your environment contribute to you being depressed and stuck in life? For the past month, I’ve been spending most of my time in a local abandoned graveyard, where i just stare at the graves while smoking cigarettes. I feel deeply drawn to places where there are no people because for some reason, I just feel agitated when I see people. (Which isn’t normal behavior).
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Edit to say: I typed the reply in this post, I care, but I was also wussing out - hey fuck anyone who’s never done THAT.
My best mundane advice is in this post - my best occult advice however is in the reply below. And please ignore both if they seem like bullshit to you! 
Ask yourself this - if a cheerful upbeat person lived as you’ve been living recently, would it have any effect on their mood?
I think so!
Don’t worry, I used to live in depressing ways when I was depressed, and that then made me even worse, the thing is in that state you’re drawn to things that echo your mood and don’t rattle you up, I used to feel too raw mentally and emotionally to do anything else… but the reality is, you need to push yourself a bit, if you don’t make the effort you’ll end up living a lifestyle that would drive anyone into despair.
There’s a time and a place for graveyards but IMO you’re not really in a position to benefit from it. I could be wrong, but it’s a bit of a risk.
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Fuck it - if you really want to push where you’re at, I’ve posted on here before about how I did some awesome magick even though I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night, suicidal, and crying myself to sleep on the nights when I wasn’t numb enough to not care.
So, fuck anyone who says you have to be perfect (grounded/balanced/powerful in material ways/at peace) to do effective magick, by the way! :o)
Try this question to yourself when you’re numb, or hurting the most - “What thinks?”
“What feels?”
“What loses hope?”
“What am I?”
“What is hope?” (Questions like that - you get the idea. You’re looking for the guy behind the curtain, the light behind the projected imagery in the cinema of your world.)
What you’re looking for is the “back of, and behind” placement of your TRUEST self, as outlined in the Kybalion - the seat of all power.
Don’t like kill yourself and come back to haunt me, but I did this, and I was on the fucking rack as far as “let’s all feel chirpy and optimistic because yay” goes, I posted about some of the findings from that here.
I on the one hand don’t want to push you through the singularity that makes you realise there is NO FUCKING THING and NOTHING and also, nothing you ever cared about, does, will or can, matter - because you know that already, but only in a bad way - but oh, sweet Child of the Universe, sweet God of All that YOU are - on the other hand, maybe you can break on through to the other side, as I did, when it all suddenly becomes daffodils and roses, and you really don’t give a fuck!
I should probably have posted this before, but I wussed out. Yeah, it happens.
Even for a Living Goddess! 
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As strange as it may sound, but I always got my focus strengthen during intensive emotional outbreaks. Sensitivity is a part of my nature and my spirits are emotional in a degree that even outperform myself by miles.
Even when I write this post, I am saddened and a little depressed since I lost my job last Friday. My spiritual senses are hightened and my spirits attached themselves closer to my heartchakra, and they sort of “sparkles” above my ears. They have pretty much done this all day.
I think the biggest problem is the thought of depression as something that makes magic “less effective” than a positive state of mind. I don’t agree about that.
As I see it, the biggest problem is when we pretend to be in a state of mind when we actually are some place else. If you are yourself, whether you’re happy or sad, the magic will adapt and adjust with the same result as intended.
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[quote=“succupedia, post:25, topic:7299”]I think the biggest problem is the thought of depression as something that makes magic “less effective” than a positive state of mind. I don’t agree about that.
As I see it, the biggest problem is when we pretend to be in a state of mind when we actually are some place else. If you are yourself, whether you’re happy or sad, the magic will adapt and adjust with the same result as intended.[/quote]
Wish I’d typed that, because it really does sum it all up. YES.
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I’m in the middle of post acute withdrawal from suboxone and it’s the low mood that’s hindering me the most. Something I found that’s helping tremendously is a supplement that I’m feeling within an hour of taking it it’s called dlpa increases serotonin and dopamine and it’s not an antidepressant shit is really working great look into it
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[quote=“Lady Eva, post:9, topic:7299”]I think most people on this forum have been hooked on something, at some point - we’re magicians, we like power, and the feeling of power, and we want it all right now, if not sooner. And we don’t listen to reason, or fear taking certain kinds of risks. To be like that is to lay down the “Welcome” mat to any activity or substance that can deliver with minimal fuss!
I think some questions you can profitably ask yourself are, “What would it take for me to want to stop this, for real?”
Not the negatives, you know those already - what would it take to find something more useful to your life?
Because just cutting out an addiction without having something inspiring to replace it with is a fool’s game, it just leaves a gaping roaring hole in your life that works to justify going right on back to it.
“What goes on in my mind that makes the case for going back to it?” - backtrack yourself, find out what feelings precede making that choice after you’ve intended to stop, and then see if there are other things you can do that answer to those feelings without being as destructive.
“What would make me want to stop?” - this is getting a bit more practical and down-to-earth from Q. 1.
“What beliefs underlie my caving in?” - do you feel helpless against it, like the pain of it nagging you is too much - what can you do about that? People are problem-solving beings by nature, sometimes you can solve these things and make that next onset of craving (or however it feels for you) that much easier to defeat.
(My definition of addiction is having the whiny toddler from hell inside your mind, ike some hellish car journey with a horrible brat and all it does is whine “Are we there yet?” at any stimulus - sad, bad, happy or just bored - “there” being back to the stuff or activity we’re addicted to. Glamorous, it aint!)
“What would I have to believe about myself, my life, the world - to make refusing to do this worthwhile?” - that one’s also worth some thought.
I’m not trying to TELL you to stop, I’m just sharing some ideas, these helped me and I just recently found a bunch of old Word docs with a lot of this kind of stuff in - and it DID help me. :)[/quote]
After some reflection on the root cause of this addiction, I’ve managed to pin point it to a lack of intimacy in my relationships (family, friends). The only thing that managed to kinda get me off my addiction for a decent period of time would be romantic love. Visualizing & “Interacting” with a “lover” (I’m single) in my life allowed me to forget that I had an addiction and made me “feel” the emotions of intimacy, love, trust & acceptance.
By the way thanks for your suggestion to stay away from graveyards for the time being, it did help me feel a bit better. Thanks for your help.
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That might be placing undue power in the hands of frankly unworthy human scumbags, who happen to be of the opposite sex.
I get that, because I did it, my 20’s were a fucking train wreck because of it.
I can’t say don’t go there, but the “oneitis” concept has a lot of tyruth, and although I’d got mine sorted, you might find this useful, so your can stop looking for a gooddess, and just look for a suitable comp[ativle paryner instead?
Evocation Of My Personal Daemon/
Big love, “sturm und drang” and the dramatic chaotic is all fine, but if you want to be happy, find within yourself first, what you desire, then you can evaluate partners as they pass by, and not be looking to pin the crucial elements of your own soul among them.
I got lucky, but it was only by a dose of pragmatism, and this exercise could have saved me SO much pain and loss, if I’d had it sooner.
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I have made a list of the traits that I would like in a partner & I’m trying to manifest one via the LOA. Yea, it looks like I’m trying to run away from the actual, painstaking process of fixing the pieces within to make myself feel happy with myself by basing my happiness on another person.
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We’re brought up to KNOW to wash our hands (germ theory is recent) and to know how to use technology, but sexual/romantic love, the most primal need, that’s left to the toxic shit of songs (no, seriously, copy out some lyrics then analyse them) and Hollywood, which tells men to be stalkers (persistance pays off) and women to be either whores or princesses, who need saving.
THEN we wonder why so many people are unhappy in love, and the quest for love?!
Take that to - for example - cookery - make every song about “I tried to eat, but it was a toxic mould and I died” - “I wanted to take a bite off a live cow, but she wouldn’t let me, then I finally succeeded, ohh yeah” - I mean come on, it’s a blatant bullshit CON!
So, look at what your cultural programming is round this, then you might find some things to challenge.
It’s not your fault, that you were born into a toxic sewer as we all have been since about 1960+ - I just hope you find a clean way out!
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