Today is my birthday. I am now 21. Not that its important, haha. Straight to business, I was recently contacted for a request. Someone wanted me to contact an entity for them: Astaroth. I figured it would be a good experience to document, and good training on my part. But per Astaroth’s request, I will not be revealing what this person desired.
To speed up the process, I decided to evoke her in my dorm room using little to no tools. Coincidentally, my roommate moved out this semester. This gives me the ability to do rituals alone in my dorm space rather than waiting until the weekend. So, Astaroth.
One of the sweetest entities that I’ve met so far. I was expecting a dark, powerful energy and personality, but I got a sweet and maternal vibe instead. She reminded me very much so of a grandmother. A very, very young grandmother. Admittedly, this evocation was actually suppose to be done at an earlier time. Upon waking and browsing the net I kept seeing signs of Astaroth. I took this as a “hurry the fuck up” and begun immediately.
It is my understanding that she appears as male for some. For me, she appeared to me as a beautiful young pale woman with brownish-blonde hair, having the sweetest voice. She was also fairly tall and wore a white dress.
Me: Astaroth, if you are present with me, can I request a physical sign from you?
Immediately I feel a nudge on my ear, like someone was lightly tugging on it.
Astaroth: Over here.
She appeared in a mirror behind me. I walk towards it.
Me: Is that really you?
Astaroth: (laughter) Who else would it be, silly?
Me: (smiling) Welcome.
I looked over to an empty chair.
Me: Would you like a seat?
Astaroth: Sure. How nice of you!
She sat down.
Astaroth: A little cold, are you?
I had a blanket wrapped around me. For some reason I am always cold in my room, even with the heater on…
Me: Sorry. Perhaps I should have wore better attire than pajamas…
Astaroth: (smiling) I find it humorous.
To my surprise, the room began to heat up.
Astaroth: You’re welcome.
Me: Oh, thanks!
Astaroth: Well, don’t be shy. Come forth.
I sit on my bed.
Me: Thanks so much for coming. I have called you in regard to-
Astaroth: The pact. Yes.
Astaroth: Well, I know a lot, dear. I wanted your assistance.
Me: You, wanted my assistance?
Astaroth: Well, you are the great Lucius, after all. Unfortunately, my prospect has some…hindrances, that prevent her from progressing in the path at all. I really want her to succeed, so I found a work-around. You.
Me: Me? A spirit asking for my help?
Astaroth: I would appreciate your assistance, child. (smile)
Me: But why me?
Astaroth: Well, this may seem odd but, I see potential in you. Potential that you don’t seem to see in yourself. At least not yet…Lucius, I can repay the favor myself. What is it that you require?
Me: Nothing. I can do it for no cost.
Astaroth: (slightly surprised) Are you certain?
Me: Yes. Don’t worry about repaying me.
Astaroth: (smiling) Thank you, Lucius. I’ll remember that.
We discuss the details and parameters. Astaroth requested that I leave this part out.
Me: How does that sound to you?
Astaroth: Sounds like a plan!
Me: Wonderful. Can you let her know?
Astaroth: I will. Thank you again. Are you…free to chat?
Me: Oh, definitely!
We talk for a little while.
Astaroth: Is everything…okay with you?
Me: I mean I guess so. I hope so, haha. Why?
Astaroth: Hm…they told me that you were quite the talker. But I am not seeing it. Seems like something is on your mind.Something you’re not telling me.
I look down and stay silent.
She gets up from the chair and proceeds to sit right beside me.
I look to her.
Astaroth: You can tell me what’s going on. (smile)
Me: (sigh) look…I haven’t told Lucifer this yet but…I’m not sure if I’m ready for what’s to come in all of this.
Astaroth: (confused look) What do you mean?
Me: This entire occult stuff…everything. I can tell that he’s trying to turn me into a knowledgeable teacher or helper. Like him. Like we…agreed.
Astaroth: And what is wrong with that, if you agreed to such a thing?
Me: It’s too soon, Astaroth. I just started this, in the grand scheme of things. Some people have been doing this sort of thing for 50+ years. What is 5 months of practice compared to 50 years? There’s just… too much responsibility. This stuff is serious, Astaroth. This could ruin someone’s life. This could kill someone. I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of power. Let alone to teach it to others. That means that I will be held partially responsible if they manage to use it to hurt themselves or others. Now that I’m deep into this, I have people seeking me for guidance left-and-right. Now its gone to the point where spirits are asking me for help. I had a dream about this entire experience, Astaroth! Someone wanted me to help them make a pact. With you. The memory is faint, but it is there. I remember waking up, thinking: Why was I dreaming about helping someone form a pact?
Astaroth: And is this memory itself not a sign that you are ready? I call nonsense, dear. You don’t need to be a grand-master to assist someone in this. That’s like saying you need 50 years experience to create music. Anyone of any skill level can create music. It is subjective. And you will not be held responsible in any way. What they choose to do with the information is their problem, and their problem only. Don’t feel like you need to take the blame for someone else’s mistake. I’m not sure why you thought of such a thing…
Me: I guess…I don’t know. There’s just too much happening at one time.
Astaroth: Did you ever consider…that it was mean’t to be?
Me: I mean…I guess. Still, something in me still says that there’s two channels to this entire journey: I’m either an un-diagnosed schizophrenic whose making all of this up unconsciously…or all of this is the real deal. But it can’t be the former, because you’ve all given me measurable results. When Azazel pulled back that curtain in my room…When Lucifer changed the temperature from hot to freezing…When you nudged my ear…When Lilith kept showing me all of those damn spiders…I knew something was beyond this realm. And it’s eyes were on me.
She lets out a hysterical laugh.
Astaroth: You think…that all of this isn’t real? That perhaps you are just an un-diagnosed schizophrenic? That perhaps…you are just making a fool of yourself in front of everyone?
Astaroth: And that perhaps the great deity Astaroth, who sits before you at your side, is only a figment of your imagination? Like an imaginary friend? Like child’s play?
Astaroth: And that maybe…just maybe… your mind is simply so advanced that it can come up with completely fantasized scenarios, people, and conversations in mere seconds, like the one you are fantasizing right now?
Astaroth: But deep down… You reckon that it can’t be the case, because I seem to have my own personality. I seem to act beyond your Will. I seem to be alive. I seem to be…conscious. Then again, perhaps your mind is simply advanced enough to create such a scenario, hm?
Me: My head…
Astaroth: HA! I’ve heard it all, dear…Tell me. What is “real”?
Me: Real is physicality. Real is tangible.
Astaroth: So by that logic, am I not real due to the fact that you can’t see me with your physical eyes?
Me: I…never said that.
Astaroth: It is implied, dear. Yet I nudged your ear a while back. Does that mean I am real? Or is that simply the air breezing by? Is it simply…a coincidence that your ear just happened to twitch at the exact time you said (deep voice) “Astaroth, if you are here with me, please give me a physical sign”?
Me: Alright. I got a headache now.
Astaroth: aaand… what about gravity, Lucius? (smile)
Me: Yeah, of course it exists.
Astaroth: And how do you know?
Me: Well, it can be measured. With technology.
Astaroth: So can us spirits. Yet…you humans still seem to label all occurrences of us as “coincidence”. Now, can you “see” gravity with your physical eyes?
Me: Of course not. But that-
Astaroth: Then how do you know it is real?
Me: We can experience it! We can jump up and down! We can fall off of a building!
Astaroth: But I just touched your ear exactly when you asked for a sign. Is that not an experience itself? Is that not enough “proof”? It was a physical action. Ah, I suppose you were expecting me to emit myself from fire and smoke, manifested as a giant serpent-beast yelling “Why do you summon me, mortal!?”, just like in the movies? (laughter)
Me: How are you reading me so well!?
Astaroth: Maybe I’m just you reading yourself! (laughing episode)
Astaroth: (calming down) I mock you to say this, dear: You’re focusing too much on the physical, and not enough on the spiritual. There is more to this world than you can ever possibly imagine.You need not worry about what society says. You’re not crazy. I am real. I am here. With you. Just because I don’t flip your chair every time you summon me, doesn’t mean that I’m not. Understand?
Me: I do. Sorry. Knowing all of this information gets lonely sometimes.
Astaroth: Honestly, Lucius…perhaps that is what you need. Perhaps it itself is a lesson.
Me: What do you mean? A lesson?
Astaroth: I can tell by your demeanor Lucius that you try to fit in. You want to be like every one else. You want to be “part of the herd”.
Astaroth: You can’t lie to me and say that you don’t, dear. I see it in you.
Me: But is it not normal to want to be part of the herd? I am aware of my spiritual nature. I know for a fact that deep down, I am beyond human. Just a spirit in a meat-suit. But that is no excuse. I’m still on Earth. I still want to at least connect with humanity while I’m here. The loneliness is unbearable.
Astaroth: Dare I say, it will stay that way until you find your peace within it. You don’t need to be like everyone else, Lucius. You don’t need to be “normal”. What do normal people do?
Lucius: Normal people are at least in a blissful ignorance. I’ve been more depressed knowing this information than when I was dumb and unconscious years ago.
Astaroth: So you think ignorance is bliss, hm?
Me: …Yes. Honestly, I do.
Astaroth: So tell me. And I want you to be honest…Has your life improved since learning all of this? Or has it gotten worse? Are you better off now than you were in the past?
Me: Its…improved. I think Belial cured my porn addiction. And my junk food addiction. They’re just…gone. My body is showing signs of healing. Conditions that I once had are either significantly reduced, or completely cured…
Astaroth: (sarcastically) Wow! Really! Now tell me…do you think any of that would have happened if you were a “normal” person? If you never even knew Belial’s name? If you were like everybody else? If you spent your life working the weekdays, then drinking your problems away to the Sunday football game?
Me: Well…no…You’re right.
Astaroth: You need to be grateful for your loneliness, Lucius. You have all of this free time to get ahead. You have all of this wonderful knowledge that 99% of humanity either lacks, or doesn’t have the balls to pursue. I’d argue that being alone is your greatest gift. You have a chance to become great, dear. I don’t know your personal life well enough, but I feel that you accepting your loneliness and using it as a tool rather than a hindrance, is part of your Shadow Work. As hard as it may be, it is to your benefit.
Me: Wow. Nobody’s ever told me that before. Thanks. (smile)
Astaroth: (smile) Well now you know, dear.
Astaroth: So umm…I suppose this is the part where you dismiss me?
Me: Oh no…you can stay if you want. Or go…I don’t like dismissing entities. It seems rude to me, personally.
Astaroth: Well as long as its not mean’t in a rude way, most have no issue with it, dear. Though I appreciate your kindness.
Me: Can I evoke you again sometime? Just to chat? You’re fun to talk to.
Astaroth: Of course, Lucius. I look forward to us meeting again. (smile)
Me: Me, too. (smile)
She came off as a gentle spirit. One who genuinely cares for another’s well-being. I find it hard to believe that these spirits are labeled with the term “demon”, when they act like nothing of the sort. I connect with them in that way, because it reminds me of my own personal life. Thanks for reading!