Lovecraftian Journal

To state the obvious, this will be a record of meditations and rituals involving beings known from the work of H.P. Lovecraft as well as colleagues after his death. I have been curious about this current for awhile now and been meaning to see what it has to offer for me. No real plan going into this, which seems appropriate for working with beings known in the stories to induce maddness. Without further delay, I hope this serves to be both interesting and possibly useful.

“That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange Aeons even Death may die.” -H.P Lovecraft, The Nameless City

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Meditation with Nyarlathotep Day One

Considering the inspiration for Nyarlathotep’s original tale came from a Nightmare Lovecraft had, I felt it would be fitting to use a little mental technique I use to help me to get to sleep. To begin, I visualized a fog appearing before me. I watched the fog being to swirl gently into spirals, in and out of each other as I breathed normally. I focused on watching the spirals as I called out to Nyarlathotep, using this name as a chant allowing me to drift into the trance.

The change of presence here was different here than with other spirits. It felt more like I was being pulled up to his level of existence more than feeling the atmosphere here shift to welcome his into it. It is really hard to describe without sensing it. There was a even a bit of that shifting in the stomach one may feel when going up or down really fast. Feeling like got his attention, I put my intention that I wanted to understand him a bit more and the role of fear and maddness with this group of spirits.

I saw a brief visual of a web forming around the world, connecting to each individual. Millions of streaks of color shot through the various “threads” given a impression of a light show for those beyond. Each emotion (no matter the type) expression caused the threads to light up and vibrate, giving music to the show. But there seemed to be the idea that if a thread took on too much or too little, it would become too fragile and snap.

As much as the lust for knowledge leads to destruction in many of the tales from Lovecraft, so does the fear of change, which is what Nyarlathotep may have represented to him. But I will have to learn more before I can say on my end.

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Record of a Dream

Well, I tried to meditate today on Azazoth today but ended up falling asleep for the first time in years. I dreamt of existing in space, observing true silence. I could sense another observing me and drawing my attention, so I focused at the direction. I watched planets form from star dust and form bodies of water on its surface. I sensed life emerge, flourish and then slowly wither, turning the planet grey before it was pulled into its sun as it grew. I watch the star begin to die as it went super nova, breathing in the fumes of a dying star. It formed a black hole and consumed all in its area.

There was no emotion in that state, no real thought, just observation of what is. A reality within a dream, which really fits the idea of Azazoth. There was an impression of being part of the system of the events that was transpiring, but also being outside of it. I was caught between existing and not, in a way. I woke up after that.

I tried to mediate on Azathoth again, only to get a headache. So this might be one of those entities I can approach at certain times.

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Invocation of the Black Pharaoh

This is a ritual by Asenath Mason in here Necromonic Gnosis book. For the obvious reasons, I cannot detail the exact ritual, so I am going to focus more on the experience in this entry. You can find the book via amazon if you are interested.

So, I performed this ritual inside due to the winter weather we are having (not quite a storm but fairly close). Prior to the ritual, I was a bit anxious at the thought of it. I lit three candles and three sticks of incense. I put on some ambient music that I will share the link to below. I went forward with the incantation and the excitement climbed as I made a blood offering. I began to rock as I spoke and in the frenzy I drew a symbol with various circles and triangles with my own blood (I used a Lancet so it was not a lot of blood, just enough).

The sensation peaked as I finished the incantation and stared into the smoke coming towards me. The candles burned bright while the flames also leaned towards me. Nyarlathotep did not appear as a man but a mass of tentacles, eyes and chattering teeth although able to communicate. He showed the tension of the world as being like a long inhale and the exhale being a release to feed new creations. He spoke about how that process of build up and release of emotions can be used as a way to manipulate reality, although he wanted to put a specific instruction for later.

I felt him grip my shoulders and flung me into a different state where I watched mouths, tentacles and eyes emerge from my own flesh. Parts of my body being torn apart from the bones and reassembled to handle the maddness. I felt my mind being split and all thoughts spilling into reality, the beauty and ugliness, my Joy’s and fears manifesting out of my skull. I felt the tides of build up and release of tension over and over again as I began to laugh. I went insane in that space and beheld the beauty and fear from visions of the cosmos. The vast space so far and larger than the orbiting rock we called home.

I came back from the trance covered in sweat and scratching the back of my right hand (a tick of mine for when anxiety arises). I was able to calm down quite a bit, although the waves of the emotions were still hitting, becoming a little less every time. I asked Nyarlathotep what was the symbol and if I could share it. He was very stern on his answer of not to share it and it was my “key” to place underneath my pillow and to carry. He did not explain what the key was for, only to use to it with meditations geared towards him and for the next three times I perform this ritual. The symbol did not have a parasitic feel to it, but more of straight heat. When I held it to the light of the candles, I could see eye within the different thickness of the blood.

I thanked him for the experience, dismissed him and grounded myself. I think a good cup of tea is much needed now. Thank you for reading

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Record of a Dream

So to mark the first night of sleeping with my “key” underneath my pillow, it took awhile to actually drift to sleep. I had short bursts of the sensation of the ritual course through me as I laid down. There was also a sensation of someone stroking my head with visuals of hands rubbing my brain, manipulating the sparks of electricity coursing through my nerves. Needless to say, a bit unnerving.

When I finally did drift to sleep, I found myself watching lines of people marching across a plain, following different “leaders” and proceeding to point and laugh at people in other groups for being followers, despite not knowing why they were following their “leader” who was giving off a specific energy coaxing their own. I did not join these groups but followed each, my consciousness split to observe all as we went. I listened to the speech within each group and noticed two common themes of discussion.

The first was of morality, usually in terms of how the group in question was more so because they did not do what others did, ranging from things like starting to walk with the right foot instead of the left or wiping sweat from the brow with a cloth or by hand (basically the ridiculous “proofs” of being “civilized”). The second discussion was of wasted resources, which was described in various examples ranging from wasted sperm (in terms of being against masturbation for the sake of morality, something from my past, as it was a topic in my religious youth), wasted food (a conversation an individual had with a rooster for a reason beyond my understanding), and money (in the context of someone not being willing to leave cans behind for the sake of money, something else from my past).

As these “enlightened” individuals went on their way, they all ended up facing different constellations in the night sky. The stars moved to form different “gates”. Mesmerizing the individuals, they all hurried on in their lines for a chance to “touch” their gates, only to not see they were running off a cliff. As their lives extinguish, fumes of smoke rose and fed other sources of life, continuing the cycle of existence that does not stop with the ceasing of our own. I recall the smoke smelling sweet as I woke up.

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Dream Record

I am noticing that this current does make one sleep for long periods of time (part of the reason for the large gap in this journal, as it was not helpful with the amount of time I was working). I slept with the key under my pillow again. I had that say sensation of someone touching my head and the visuals of hands rubbing my brain, manipulating the energy between nerves. A little less unnerving than the first time, but I do not see it ever becoming “comfortable”.

This dream was much more tamed. I was basically working in a different factory than I actually do while facing the same maddness. Poor planning, angry workings, bad turn over rates, etc. For some reason the general manager was arguing with a chicken (don’t ask, pretty sure it is a way to break tension). Anyways, I was being trained by a tall gentlemen on how pumps work and how to repair them (something I do not really work with in my current job). I noticed he had my “key” tattooed on his hand, and knew it was Nyarlathotep. He just smiled and allowed the extra mouths, eyes and tentacles form. At that point, I woke up.

Upon waking up, I had taken notes on what was taught in the case of water pumps and did a fact check online. It appears to have been correct so I will keep an eye out for opportunities at work to try it out. So if you are having trouble understanding or learning anything mechanical, Nyarlathotep would not be a bad guy to go to.

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Dream Record

(Warning: a brief mentioning of current events relating to a specific disease will be included here. This is not an invitation for discussion, more of giving context as it has been on my mind like I am sure it has been for others.)

So, no brain massages today. I had a little trouble sleeping due to muscle pain, which of course led to my mind wandering. I reflected on the last few years and the recent news passively. As I drifted, I felt a shift in presence. At some point I fell asleep and found myself standing in a throne room, looking up to a king wearing yellow robes and a yellow mask. I recognized him as Hastur, yhe Great Old One associated with decay, disease and mental illness. I was not surprised that I was meeting him, as he is one of the Lovecraftian entities I was most interested in.

So, I asked him what his advice with handling the current events as he started down at me. He chuckled and said “watch…and learn”. I got a flash of the yellow sign and was thrown down into an abyss absent of light. I recall hearing laughter before waking up.

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Dream Record

Normally, I prefer to record my dreams right upon waking up. However, I overslept due to the disruption to my sleep schedule. It does not seem to matter as my dreams have been so vivid that I seem to remember them just as well. For this session, I actually visualized drawing my “key” with orange energy, feeling it pulsed like a heartbeat over my body. I had the same sensation of the usual “brain massages”.

The dream took place in the dorms I lived in back in my college days. There was a bad blizzard outside and people were hanging out in the commons area. There was lightning going on outside in the storm, something I have only seen a few times in my lifetime. Someone noted seeing multiple colors in the sky. The rest of us did not see it but before we could stop him, he bolted to the elevator and went up to the roof. I went with a group of people who rushed up to the roof.

When we arrived there, my state of awareness shifted from the point of view of just myself to every individual there. Where I only saw a gray sky with white lightning, I could see the rainbow of colors others were seeing. Shades of blues, greens, purples, reds, etc danced across the sky, swirling in the storm. Each individual became mesmerized by the beauty, urging to touch it as they walked forward closer to the edge. I tried to stop them, even going as far as shaking them to try to snap them out of it, only to get shoved aside. I felt the joy and awe as they reached up to the sky…and stepped off the edge. I was aware of the rush of the fall and felt the impact.

I sat back and watched the swirls of the snow, sensing the presence between the howls of the wind.

There seems to be a theme of witnessing the maddness of others and seeing the outcome, only to be ignored or viewed as mad myself. That has actually been something that has happened numerous times in real life, where I am called paranoid or anxious in the moment when I try to warn someone, only for what I see happening coming to pass. Usually then I either get apologies or curses for not warning the individual before they made the mistake.

The dream ended with me arguing with an owl about whether or not I did the best I could (the owl arguing that I did). Well, at least this fowl arguement did not include a chicken this time.

Edit: there seems to be a story by HP Lovecraft about Colors from Space but I have never read it. It appears that I have plenty of free time tonight so that is what I will be doing to see if I can get anything out of it

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Connecting to Haunter of the Dark and Dream Record

So, the state of maddness I threw myself in with the Invocation of the Black Pharaoh has seemed to end a few days ago. I tried using my “key” but could not hold the visualization while drifting to sleep. No dreams until today.

Tonight I went to go take a nap before work. I was going to perform the Invocation of the Black Pharoah tonight but felt more a pull to one of Nyarlathotep’s Avators: the Haunter of the Dark. I lied down and visualized my key, which I saw burning bright intially but begin to “go out” as I called out to him. Finally, it went out and I saw only the darkness of the room. I could see something “shifting” in the darkness and felt a sensation of something wrapping around my body, crawling up. I felt hands on my head and the sensation of the “brain massages” again.

When I was dreaming, I observed a hunting party of four camping out nearby a lake, huddled close to the fire. Their firearms had been pulled into the darkness and just outside the fire’s light, beings of the shadows threw stones against trees, clawed, screamed, and in general made a racket to drive fear into their prey. Finally, a couple decided to bolt into the night to flee. I saw shadows dart after them as the night eventually filled with screams and the sounds of torn flesh.

One of the party went mad from the fear and huddled so close to the fire that he burned himself and the smell of the flesh drowned my senses. He went still from the fear. Finally, the last began to be drawn to the darkness by something I could not observed. He calmly walked into the darkness. The being parted to give him way, making minor jabs to claw his flesh, but nothing deep. As he walked into the darkness, facing the fear, he was changed as gr he wounds became scars. They allowed him to leave the woods and he looked up at the cosmos, tracing shapes in the sky as the beings whispered secrets. I could see flickers of maddness and anxiety as I watched him look at the woods one more time. Then I stepped back into the forest before waking up.

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Meditation with Nyarlathotep

So yesterday, I had an interesting session. I was dealing with the side effects of getting multiple vaccines earlier in the day and resting, as I took the day off. Without getting into too much detail, I was highly annoyed with individuals I interact with on a daily outside of my household and allowed my mind to drift wherever it needed to go. I thought about a description of Nyarlathotep’s motivation in his stories to “free individuals from the burdens of sanity”.

So, I activated my key and asked Nyarlathotep how to inflict maddness onto individuals. I felt something grip my head and saw energy swirling over a stretch of land, seeing each individual living on that land. I focused on drawing in all that energy into my hand and grounding it. I am no stranger to vampirism but this was a bit of a different scale. I got the impression that in order to maintain our minds in a state of “sanity” actually requires quite a bit of energy if the individual has not accepted realities of painful aspects of life (aka the shadow). What we define as maddness could be viewed as a survival construct in overdrive to protect the mind (not all situations as mental illness can be a biological manifestation due to an imbalance in brain chemistry). So, based on what I was seeing, if one drains the hell out an individual, it could trigger a manifestation as they will not have the energy to maintain the state they considering to be sanity. Obviously, this is something to be tested out.

If it does work, then the next question would be how to construct a device to do this without constant effort on the magician’s part, as technology is certainly part of what Nyarlathotep represents. Food for thought.

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Possible Confirmation

I returned to work last night, as I was feeling better. Upon seeing me, I had five individuals note that things seemed “off” while I was gone. People were more tired in general, some apparently were very quick to anger and some were anxious, not knowing why. Three additional individuals apparently approached my teammates asking if I was there, one being someone I barely knew. Seeing as my work place was part of the area that I was focused on draining, it seems to be a possible way to change the state of mind of individuals in a given area. More tests will need to be performed before any conclusions can be made, but I see one glaring flaw. I really do not like to be pin pointed with my influences, and I can see this majorly backfiring on me if the individual is prone to violence while in their mania. Definitely something to keep in mind.

I will have to see what happens if I influence an area where individuals do not know me.

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Invocation of Insanity Day One

So, I was going to perform the Invocation of the Black Pharoah but felt a pull towards this ritual from the same book. I always seem to need to push my limits and, after a short period of illness, was already in the position for the trance due to a strict limitation of diet. This is essentially an invocation of Azathoth in order to become one with primordial choas.

Not going to lie, this ritual was some pretty heavy stuff. Upon the inchantation, the visualization of a black hole forming, eyes opening from the shadows and tentacles coming out, wrapping around me. They pulled me into the abyss and I was confronted with anxiety and the sounds of flute while words of gnoisis relating to how to use chaos came forth. It was hard to understand it as I was lost in layers of symbols and words as the anxiety and music build, throwing me in a spiral as I descended into the abyss.

At some point, i saw my flesh rip apart allowing a being of shadows to emerge as my skin reformed. I understood this being as “my maddness” as he grinned widely at me, wide eyed with joy. A black book emerged before us and we both signed our names in blood. I recall a brief vit of sanity where i drew my boundaries with my maddness and Azathoth, as I do with all spirits.

At some point, I found myself in front of Nyarlathotep and realized i was dreaming. He was chuckling, noting that I always have to test my limits. He noted to next time call him first to make things easier to understand. Then he was gone.

Observation from Day One

It has been a couple days since the invocation and I have noticed a couple things. The waves of anxiety have seemed to dissipated overall and I am growing more…“comfortable”(?) with chaos. I do not fear losing control, which has gotten hand to hand with my manifestations becoming a bit more rapid. Emotionally, I am pretty calm and feeling well.

That being said, I did have to go through a state of essentially indifference towards a majority of the world and the complexs we develope. Considering that the Lovecraftian pantheon is based around the idea of beings who are completely alien and indifferent to humanity, that might be due to the invocation and exposure to the content due to the immersion process. It is easy to take in whatever one chooses to consume. I will be repeating the invocation tomorrow

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Invocation of Insanity Day 2

I began this ritual laying down after blocking out all the light in my room. I evoked Nyarlathotep, using his name as a chant as i visualized my key being drawn in orange light. When I felt his presence and could see some shifting in the shadows, I began the inchantation for the Invocation of Insanity.

The visuals where not as solid as the last time. There still was a visual of tentacles and eyes emerging from a large void. I could hear the flutes play and the sound vibrating through my body. There were rising and falling sensations of anxiety but it was not overbearing. There also was not flashes of symbols this time.

Initially, the plan was for Azathoth to communicate to me via dreams, but I had trouble falling asleep at this point. I reflected on life and how my manifestations have strengthen. I realized I was at the point where I am not as attached to magic as i once was. For a long time, it was my life line, my obsession. Yes, there are still material goals I am aiming to achieve, but it is no where as dire as it once was. I realize that I am at the point where knowledge is becoming more of an importance than power. Quite a liberating feeling and something calming within the chaos.

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Invocation of Insanity Session 3

I am going to quit calling these records as “Days” in favor for “sessions”. I do not feel the need to perform this rituals every day. In fact, i feel less of a need for magic in general every time I perform this ritual. I instead shift my gaze towards creation, such as building my own tools and devices for my job or around my home. I can relax and dwell on the chaos of life while still enjoying it.

For this session, I reflected on how the “maddness” in others has became more apparent since I have began to work with Azathoth. There has been a sharp increase of mental breakdowns in people I have interacted recently, as well as an increase in people speaking about their fears and insecurities. I could blame this on winter blues, but it is a nagging pull to the association that I cannot shake. At the same time, there has been a sharp increase in creative solutions, especially if I take part in it.

The actual feeling of the ritual was not as intense as the others. It was fairly subtle. I decided as I ended the ritual to ask Azathoth for something I can use to “draw out” the maddness in targets as a preparation for other work. Nothing came to mind at the time so I ended the ritual.

Well, tonight I was bored at work. I already got all my work done and made the tool I wanted to at the time. So, I began to think about Azathoth. I felt a strong pull to grab some scrap copper I had. I drew out and imprinted the following symbol onto the metal, feeling the power of it grow as I created it. I visualized future foes pouring their secrets to me, exposing themselves. I visualized others ripping out their own hair and clawing at their flesh from the panic as words flowed from their lips like rivers to the sea. I could feel it being charged with the bast abyss of nothing that drives the main to insanity.

Needless to say, this will be something for me to test. However, this would be an example of why it is important to carry around something to draw or work on when working with spirits. Not every idea or symbol is going to come around in the ritual space.

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I use the Cryochamber Nyarlathotep ambience all the time!

This one here is amazing for this work; specifically working with Nyarlathotep (which is dangerous, but if you’re here there’s a big chance he’s already had your back before you even got here. Don’t let him get bored.).

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Invocation of Insanity Session 4

I cannot really say that the chaos is frightening anymore. Is it comfortable? I would not say so. But the anxiety that manifests at the start of the Invocation has pretty much ceased. As undescribitive and unhelpful as it is, the chaos just is. I have no sense of attachment or resentment to it. I I wouldn’t say that I am developing a relationship with Azathoth, as I believe that would be one sided, but I get a sense of understanding with him. Not completely, but enough to work with him.

As far as personal changes I have noticed, two come to mind. The first is that I am having an easier time influencing not only people but animals as well (such as calming a few of the neighborhood cats and a dog simply by looking at them. I have experimented with influencing my own cats to jump onto certain furniture without looking at them intensely as well). I have been successful with this through little or no visualizations or energy work. It has been just straight focus of will without over attachment to it and letting my presence bleed out into the area.

The second is an increased focus on crafts, in particular carving into metal and building small machines. Yesterday I made a carving of my personal key from Nyarlathotep to carry with me. I get the impression I may eventually drift into Radionics, but that is a project for another day.

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Being an associate of Nyarlathotep will basically help you “surf” Chaos, but if you sign yourself over to him he might come for your first born son somehow.

Even if you actively be a perfect citizen, as we speak, it will serve his Chaos. If you even think he’s been around you, welcome to the club; you’re in for life. Mixing him up with Azathoth could piss him off.

Nyarlathotep has devoted himself to suspending our planet in Chaos that contradicts Azathoth’s cracked flute animating the celestial/Abyssal dance of his other children.

Nyarlathotep is Azathoth’s right hand and messenger, but they have differing agendas. If you devote yourself to Nyarlathotep in life, but reach for Azathoth during death, you’re giga fucked.

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Invocation of Insanity Session 5

The focus today was becoming a part of the chaos and looking in. As the void of tentacles, eyes and teeth that Azathoth manifests as appeared during the incantation, I visualized myself rising up and shifting into an eye. I projected myself onto the manifestation and felt myself “fuse” and spread, eventually taking control of a tentacle and mouth as I was allowed. As I became one with Azathoth, I looked onto the world.

I began to see the physical break apart from one form we see it as in every day life into a series of millions of spheres. For a lack of a better word, I understood these as a series of nexuses, each with a series of images attached by threads to each center. These images represented possible realities, possible potentials.

I became aware of pain in my knee in my physical body and shifted my focus to it. I saw my knee shift into a nexus with its pwn possiblities attached to it, ranging from one where the pain eases away to it becoming more severe. I manipulated the tentacle I controlled and shifted the tip into a claw, “cutting” the threads of the realities I did not want to manifest. I watched them float away into the abyss. I then shifred tdd he tentacle again and used it to “pull” the reality I desired (of the pain easing away) and fuse it to the nexus.

At this point, I separated myself from Azathoth and returned my focus to my body. I fell asleep shortly afterwards and woke up to no pain in that knee, which is very nice as healing is not a speciality of mine. This will definitely be something i will need to experiment with more.

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Invocation of Insanity Session Six

I am a bit late recording this, as I performed the ritual a couple days ago. The ritual went as normal, with one exception. When Azathoth manifested, I focused on opening a second portal in my gut, visualizing it as it being surrounded by pipes and valves that can be used to control the amount of energy being put out. I connected it to the portal Azathoth appears from, with another valve. This was more of an instinctive action than something planned, but i allowed myself to become a “gate” to the creative and destructive chaos Azathoth brings to the table.

Since I have performed this ritual, I have noticed an increase of creativity with my team at work. They have been more focused on problem solving and building tools to fix the problem as opposed to sticking to the usual band aid fixes. This is putting pressure on other techs to get creative as well for the sake of being competitive. Overall, it is creating a space of both tension and growth.

On a less positive note, I have noticed my level of care dropping with each session. It is a powerful ritual to invoke creativity and sheer power for manifestation. However, it seems to play a bit with depression, which makes sense as there are theories that depression is an evolutionary adaptation to social systems that helps with problem solving (not to say it is also equally destructive). I noticed it has sucked me in to where i do not really care for the results once they have mainfested. Something to be kept in mind moving forward.

I am going to push one last session before moving onto working with Dagon next.