Yup. My intuition says she fell HARD and it freaked her out because she didn’t want past patterns to resurface so she ran the other way to feel like she was in control.
I’ve had a tendency to fall for the wounded bird types with an abusive past. There’s something about the idea of making a girl who’s supposedly been thrown to the wolves feel as happy as can be. It’s resulted in a Don Quixote complex for me. My experience shows me it’s usually a front, though she didn’t milk it at all so it felt authentic.
I think the pattern started before I even cast the spell because it had some incredible magic on it’s own. This is what got me obsessed with the Occult so I didn’t know to do a divination for it to even begin what was going on. I just assumed she was being a typical modern 21 yearold girl and writing off another remarkably amazing connection on multiple levels as something commonplace and replaceable because “girls just want to have fun.”
Fucked with me really really hard because I was completely genuine. It made me into the magician I am now though. It drove me to read and practice obsessively just trying to get things to take the course we both knew it was going before it got weird
I asked her what the hell was going on after a while. She seemed convinced I was being a “player” (shook her world when I admitted to dropping anyone else I was seeing after we got close, I just lost interest despitr having options).
She told me she “couldn’t feel emotions for anyone” and then she admitted to being owned by her feelings so she “shut them off.” Contradictions everywhere. One day she has boundless unbridled confidence, and the next absolutely zero sense of self worth.
I’d play guitar for her and she looked more enchanted by it than I’ve ever seen from someone. I know what I saw in her eyes and that I’m not “seeing what I want to see there.” (Been there before.)
I gave her my take on things and she seemed to almost want to believe I was indeed using her for sex (which was the stuff of dreams but it was amplified because of the connection.) I’d tell her I actually really like her and she’d look at me with a look on her face that looked like near disbelief mixed with warm fuzzies and then talk like I was worlds above her wondering why I’d ever go for someone like her. Zero self esteem. I wasn’t unobtainable either, I’m a mid 20’s entrepreneur with a business that’s doing well, I’m into my racing motorcycles, and I’m addicted to writing music, yet I wasn’t dicking her and bailing and not texting her back. I actually thought it was a relationship we just hadn’t defined yet.
Sort of wrote a wall of text there but it’s complicated
Also, had no idea she was this emotionally damaged until it got painful all at once after full emotional attachment had set in… My subconscious likes the fucked up ones for some odd reason. Seemed like a perfect girlfriend for months
