Living the Magick (Journal)

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
1

I have a lot of thoughts. This will be rambly.

Feels a little strange, because I’m a private person by default. However, there is a need in me to share and connect to people who understand this.
One of the reasons, if not the most important one, for joining this forum was to actually get off my ass and start practicing. And I have.

Like I’ve said in my intro, my main focus is deity work. I want to be able to communicate, which means developing senses is a must. Doubt has been a killer of my abilities since always. I’ve learned to keep the skepticism in check over the years, but it’s still there.

I’m good at visualising, always have been. But I’ve dismissed most of my clairvoyance as imagination or daydreaming, as I’ve done with all my other senses too which blocked me even further. Even before joining the forum, I’ve been on some kind of path of trying to trust my intuitive hunches, images I get, sounds I hear and I’ve gotten better at believing the impressions I get.

A short version of my workings since May:
I skipped out on doing exercises to strengthen the senses and went straight to evocation. Figured I’d like to try it out, get a feel for it, see what happens. I did it before, a few years back, according to my old journal. It was a period of time when I had some form of practice and I had managed to establish a connection with Lucifer.
Anyway, I go for the first real evocation in years and I’m evoking King Paimon because I have a request. The sigil starts flashing almost immediately. Suppose I’m entering trance at that point, but I get scared and the magic is gone. I state my request and end the evocation.

A few days later I evoke Lucifer and I hear his voice in my head. I hear exactly one sentence before I get too excited and it throws me out of trance. I attempt it a few more times, feel his presence but don’t hear him.

A while later I decide I would like to work with Belial. I feel we’ve had an eye on each other for a while, even though he kinda scares me and absolutely fascinates me at the same time. I realize he can help me with some of my current goals. So I call on him. I get a feeling he’s there but his sigil isn’t flashing. And it happens a few times in a row, until I’ve had enough and the sigil finally activates after I say ‘hey, let’s open this sigil tonight huh’. I tell him I’ll make another nice sigil for him, because I wanted to paint it in gold.
Working with Belial has been interesting so far. I have been making changes in my daily, mundane life since I’ve asked for his help. Some of these things came so easily to me that it almost baffles me so I would say he’s helping. Nothing scary, nothing dramatic. My life isn’t falling apart, but steadily improving. There are challenges of course, mostly with people and managing my time. I had to make some sacrifices to dedicate myself to my practice and overall things that I wanted to do. Cost me friends.
Today I finished my training and sat outside in the sun. A feeling of loneliness washed over me. As the day went on I realized I felt somehow more free.

2

Is it when you start working with entities, that there is this influx of energy and it stirs up multiple things at once?

Maybe. Or maybe it just depends on the entity? Seems like I have an easier pace - working one thing at a time. Then I asked Belial for help and a few weeks later, stuff is just happening in a lot of areas.

As usual, just as I stated in my previous entry how nothing dramatic was happening, I had gotten a feeling like a rug has been pulled out from under me. And it lasted for a few days. I have realized it’s a perspective thing. Change I’m experiencing is real and causes the feeling of reality around me crumbling, but there is power in it.

Seeing very real consequences of your choices that reflect on both internal and external reality is very empowering and godlike.
It does not feel like an ego trip. More like a boost in confidence and serves like a concrete proof of just how much magick and the mundane are intertwined.

3

Manifestation.

Sometimes I’m just way more aware of how reality shapes around me according to my wishes.

Two days ago I got into a stupid argument with my partner. My feelings were seriously hurt tho. I tend to express my anger loudly, like slam doors and furniture and/or I start cleaning (lmao). This time, I went for a walk to clear my head. It was late. Town was quiet and empty. I listened to some music, let it play randomly in an app.

Sat down after a while and thought about everything. I was truly sad because at that moment I had no one to talk to, to comfort me a little. Seems like that loneliness is a recent pattern. I figured that I closed myself off emotionally from people (again). The connections I have are shallow, and those friends I am closer to, live in other cities. Bummer. Of course, Belial comes to my mind. I know he’s around sometimes. I find comfort in that. I wish for someone to talk to and go home a little lighter.

Next morning I’m off to the gym. I train with a friend I met relatively recently. We didn’t hang around much until the gym thing happened, and don’t spend a lot of time together besides that. But we clicked and can communicate easily.
So, they see I’m off. They notice it right away and comment on it. After the training they ask me if I wanna talk about it. I hesitate and confress that I don’t like telling others about my problems because it makes me feel like a burden. And they say they understand but hit me with: “And how’s that working out for you?” So I share some general worries (I didn’t mention the argument. I try to keep relationship problems between me and my partner.) and express how I feel like reality around me is crumbling because of my recent choices and to my surprise they relate 100%. I find it funny. I realize my wish has been granted in less than 12 hours. But the catch was, I had to allow it and accept the help being offered. If I had dissmissed it I would continue feeling like shit. A genuine conversation helped. I’m thankful for it.

Today I went to the store and kinda didn’t think it through. Went with my bike and bought more than I could carry. As I’m fumbling with my bags and everything, a person (whom I know of course) shows up and offers to transport my groceries because they got there with their car and I got another chance to buy something in the store I forgot to buy (and wished I could go back and buy it). :slight_smile: how nice of them. How nice of reality to shift according to my needs haha.

Had a good convo with my partner as well. Was able to honestly and openly communicate my feelings without getting emotional and they responded well to it.

On another note, I have been slacking a bit on evocations and general practice these days. Just read some tarot. Hope I’ll be able to dedicate myself more to it in the upcoming days.

4

When it comes to divination, I’ve been doing tarot for a few years now and I still find it super interesting. I read for myself and sometimes for friends. I would like more opportunities to read for strangers as I feel that’s where the true practice comes. I’ve been thinking about starting a thread here on the forum and probably will soon to see how that’ll go.

I’ve been interested in learning to scan. I don’t remember ever doing it “officially”. A lot of my senses and abilities I’ve been using kinda…uh by feeling? intuitively? So I’ve probably scanned before just didn’t realize I was doing it. But I consciously did it when a friend asked for a reading recently. The cards I pulled were kinda weird so I was like “okay, let’s try scanning” and it was somewhat accurate. I was satisfied and it was a fun practice. I will practice it more.

Again, as days go I’m amazed at how fast things manifest. I’ve concluded that I need better control over my thoughts because if I fall into a negative pattern it gets bad fast. Grounding, banishing, warding. I know I know. Maybe I’ll try some mantras too.

5

Life has been kinda funny the last few days. Or maybe my sense of humor has changed.

I’ve been watching a lot of Master Shi Heng Yi’s content and thinking about death and reincarnation. Figured out I have some fears regarding those and I’m slowly unpacking them.

Also, there is a little practice I do - “Like a Monk”. (i find it funny)
Seems to me like everyday responsibilities just keep building up and no matter how many tasks I solve, I cannot get on top of things. Feels like most of my life consists of just working, cleaning, taking care of someone/something, just annoying, boring everyday maintenance tasks. I told myself I wasn’t going to think about it anymore. Just do it. Just keep doing what I need to do. Like a monk. When I catch my thoughts spiraling into complaints or whining, I just repeat to myself “like a monk”. While I don’t think it’s particularly healthy because it borderlines on some form of avoidance and denial, it helps to prevent the unnecessary spiraling.

Working out helps. I see how it builds mental discipline. I’ve gotten stronger, I can tell. Despite everything life has been throwing at me, I’m dealing well. Like I said, it’s even kinda funny.

Did an angelic mantra for psychic powers before sleep but I fell asleep in the middle of it. Will try again. I’d like to chant the one for physical vitality before my next training to see if there are any changes.

6

Haven’t posted in a while, because nothing special has happened and I’ve just been busy with the mundane. Also kind of relaxing and enjoying life. Teaching myself that not everything has to be a chore and I’m allowed to have fun.

For the last few days Belial has been on my mind. Nothing excessive, just the name pops in or I see his sigil or have a few thoughts about some evocations I’ve done. Mostly fleeting thoughts before I resume whatever I was doing or thinking beforehand.
But! He was in my dream last night. A visitation for sure and a nudge, because just occasional thoughts didn’t stir me enough I guess.
I feel it’s time to get into practice again. Some banishing and cleansing is due.

7

Banishing is such a good practice. Effects are immediate and very obvious when I haven’t banished in a while.
I’ve also learned that by writing down something I’m obsessing over, am super emotional about - and I really mean just pouring everything out on that paper - and burning it, severs the emotional connection to it and I’m able to deal with it with a cool head.

I wonder if I can banish people from my life too?

I don’t think stress is the natural state of man. I don’t think happiness is either. But this reality hardly ever gives us a break.
It’s more along the lines of learning and recognizing the patterns in which we fall when dealing with “the bad” and pulling ourselves back to the neutral state in a way that maintains the actual neutral state, not just simulates it.