Sorry but i am going to blab about my life and myself. And sorry for my grammer aswell.
I am so much into occult science. But it’s not like, i have watched some tv drama or following trend. i don’t desire to be wealthy or popular. If there is something, i desperately need " is physical healing and some love". Coz since at age of 4 , i have been abandoned by all. Never able to make friends, career or any relationship. My parents are very workaholic, for them their work is worship. so i never got that chance to make moments or an emotional bond with them. I never experienced that motherly love or fatherly protection. I am living an isolated life from since my childhood. It’s like the universe wants me stay alone. The place i was living in was isolated too. No neighbour’s nothing. In school girls use to hate me for no reason. Whenever i tried to make friends. They just tried to bully me or make nasty jokes on me. That i m ugly and unworthy. Some of my uncles molested me. Nobody was there to protect me, so i have to protect myself by my own. I have been in some relationships but ended with betrayal or tragedy. In my career front, i am a very hardworking. So some people liked me and some hated me so intensely, that i had to quit my job. Being lonely and hated by my own loved ones. I got so much emotionally exhausted that i tried to kill myself, many times. But again failed. After quitting my 5th job. I tried in almost 80 companies. But rejected by all. I use to be a strong person. But so many heart breaks and traumatic events landed me to depression and self destruction. It’s like god has no mercy on me. So i started praying to my queen lilith. I cried to her so many times. In my daily routine, I meditate 2 times a day. Once in afternoon and at night alone in a dark place. But i never felt anything. I searched so many things online. Like Mantras and rituals. Even offered my blood to her as a note of love. But it seems like she didn’t want to talk or hear from my side. Universe didn’t want me to connect with anybody. I don’t know what to do. I have talked to several people about this and they also suggested me some fortune tellers and Padres. Who charges lots of money. But they don’t get my point, i can’t pay such amount. I am a jobless, emotionally exhausted person. I need a serious help. Can anyone help me out? If i annoyed you than i am really very sorry. I know it’s a boring post .