I’m sorry it’s been so rough homie. I hope what I said didn’t invalidate any of your experiences.
I’ve heard that there are ways to stop it, but I have no experience with them, but maybe someone else on here does.
I feel you though, a lot of us didn’t even awaken it on purpose, myself included.
And it doesn’t help that there’s such little information on such an intense process.
Maybe this’ll ease your mind- the higher self isn’t merging with any sort of god. It’s submitting your animal self with the eternal version of yourself. You are your own Divine. You don’t really ‘lose’ your self, but you outgrow the negative aspects of yourself.
To put it in perspective, whatever this energy is helped me grow into the person I’ve always dreamed of being, and helped work towards building the life I’ve always wanted, and it made my occult work significantly stronger as well. Helped me identify the unconcious stuff that used to give me anxiety and overcome it, along with childhood traumas.
The idea that you become some sort of god’s puppet is another right-hand deception IMO. It’s easier to say that they’re merging with god than to recognize their own eternal self.
It’s an evolutionary force that aids human consciousness, and produces a lot of great people. It’s powerful.
I find that the sex is better , manifesting things like money is easier as well, and it generally makes you feel powerful, like the ultimate level-up.
You just sever the attachments to the material stuff.
IE. if you crash your car, there’s no fucks given, and you move on with life. You’ll get another one.
Another cool aspect is that you rarely have to do rituals. You can think things into existence.
It’s a very painful process, but infinitely worth it. There’s a reason why so many practitioner’s reccomend awakening and raising it, from left-hand to right. The guy that wrote the book on daemonic tongues recommends awakening it before doing anything else.
Resisting it on the otherhand is documented to result in a lot of pain. Have you ever wondered if it awakened to aid you in whatever your journey is? Usually it becomes dormant again when ignored for a couple of years, but maybe it’s being persistent for a reason. Kundalini can be light or dark, it’s up to you.
Just some food for thought, but it IS possible to stop. You just have to find someone that can help you do that.
The impact on the nervous system amongst other things is very true, and painful. Supplements are really helpful with that. Check with your doctor first to avoid any negative reactions, but something that increases choline levels helps with things like brain fog and short term memory issues.
Holy basil helps with anxiety, and generally balancing out your chakras.
Maybe look into some other supplements as well to help you combat some of the symptoms until you figure out how to stop it. Yoga, working out, and constant grounding exercises are essential too.
Have you turned to any of your spiritual gaurdians/entities/daemons for help and guidance?
Let me know if you ever have to vent, I see your struggles and I want you to know that they are absolutely valid. It’s hard, but there is hope for you.
Stay strong, and hope things start looking up soon.