The angel Muriel came to me as female :). Wasn’t seeking her however so it was a curious encounter.
Abaddon appeared to me as a woman I knew (but not one I knew well) early on- told me it was because I was still afraid.
I just realised I’m behind on this so I’m going to make a double post…
31/5/20
Day 65:
Performed the chakra exercise in the afternoon, but that’s all. Wasn’t feeling particularly inspired to do anything else. I’m not sure I’m really accomplishing anything.
1/6/20
Day 66:
Another lacklustre day of zero accomplishment. I’ve realised I don’t know what, exactly, I’m trying to achieve with what I’m doing. I’m still feeling like I’m just running in place.
I need a goal, something to aim for, because tight now, it seems like I’m just shooting in the dark. My path is crooked, zigzagging left and right, and I’m groping around blind.
I stand between Heaven and Hell, but what does that mean? Who am I? What am I? Where am I going? What is my final destination, and how will I know when I’ve reached it? These are the questions that keep me up at night, and keep me locked in stasis. They say the first beginnings of wisdom is knowing that you don’t know. Well, I don’t know. I have no idea how to answer these questions.
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Does it matter? These answers are redefining themselves right as we speak. To know “the” answer is stasis itself, in my own findings.
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Maybe go back to the concept of subjective synthesis? Adopt the path and beliefs that serve you in that moment, fully and wholeheartedly, without reservation - maybe some will stick, maybe some will be useful in the moment, then shed like an old skin, for fresher beliefs and ways? 
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I have been MIA for a few days on the reading side of things, but I still want to take the time to say:
for you.
2/6/20
Day 67:
Mainly worked on my chakras today. Didn’t do much else. I still feel like I’m missing something though.
3/6/20
Day 68:
Was feeling low today. A mild depression has set in. The chakra exercise felt lifeless. Meditated with the Solfeggio frequencies in the evening and felt a little better.
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I have faith in you! Don’t give up.
Sending positive energy your way to get you through the valley. 
4/6/20 and 5/6/20
Day 69 & 70:
Both days sort of melded into each other so I’m combining them here in my journal.
Have been mainly working on my chakras. I’ve been noticing lately that I have been getting sleepy soon after doing the exercise. About an hour or so after finishing, I will start yawning, and if I’m not doing anything active, I’ll drift off to sleep without even realising it. It doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I had the night before, I’ll still end up napping, especially if I am meditating with binaurals or watching television. As soon as I am relaxed enough, my eyes will close and it’s lights out for at least an hour, sometimes as much as three.
I don’t know why, or if it is related to the chakra work.
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6/6/20
Day 71:
Chakra exercise at 330 PM, followed by the blue flame meditation. Only blinked twice during the meditation so that’s good progress.
Around 5 PM I slipped into Alpha and chanted the angelic mantra for the senses for about ten minutes, before summoning my legion of elementals. Chanting the mantra seemed to cause a throbbing pain to develop in my right temple.
When my legion arrived I “heard” a rustling sound, almost like they were jostling each other to fit into my space. I commanded them to search out and retrieve my book that got lost in the mail. It should be a good test of their ability to influence the material world if they can pull it off.
I commenced work on building the form of a protection servitor someone requested.
I had a bizarre dream. I was performing in some kind of musical, but I forgot what I was supposed to sing, so I called out for someone to tell me, but no one would. I yelled at the people I sensed standing in the shadows around me, and got really frustrated that no help was forthcoming. I stormed off the stage, but then stormed right back on and starting screaming words in Enochian. Everything started to vibrate, and suddenly the environment dissolved into nothingness, leaving me standing in darkness. I wasn’t alone, though. I could feel the presence of something incredibly massive standing next to me.
Then I woke up.
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Your drowsiness could be the result of “dullness,” which was prevalent throughout my meditation session yesterday (I follow the book The Mind Illuminated for reference). To elaborate a bit, in case it helps, dullness is the result of “non-perceiving mind moments.” When you fall asleep, it is because you are experiencing many moments in a row where you do not perceive, which lowers the energy level of the mind. When you are fully and completely alert, every moment is a moment of perceiving attention or awareness.
Back when I was more adept at mindfulness meditation, I reached a stage where distractions and strong drowsiness mostly fell away, but there was a “subtle dullness” nearly constantly present that reduced the power and clarity of my personal attention. I could tell when this subtle dullness subsided as the sensations of the breathe became significantly sharper. At my peak, dullness too fell away, and my concentration became more powerful as the meditation continued.
To remedy the dullness, you just have to be aware that it is present and re-focus your attention more acutely. The challenge is finding a balance between moments of attention to the object and moments of introspective awareness of the entire contents of the mind. Too much attention and distractions and dullness can creep in, and too much awareness and you don’t build concentration. I’m working to get back to this point, but eventually meditation should leave you feeling more energized than before you started.
Hope this helps!
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7/6/20
Day 72:
It was a good day, magically speaking.
Performed the chakra exercise and blue flame meditation around 1030 AM. The energy flowed well, and I was actually successful in keeping my eyes from blinking for the entirety of the allotted ten minutes of meditation.
I need to up my chakra game, though I’m not sure how to do that just yet.
I decided to once more begin Enochian Success Magick by Damon Brand. I had performed the first ritual back in April but I figured I should start over instead of continuing where I left off, so around 130 PM I commenced Ritual 1 again. The effect was almost immediate. I felt a very pronounced shift in my perceptions, and I had a distinct feeling of…happiness? I’m not sure that is the appropriate word but I can’t think of another at the moment. It was very odd, and I had not experienced it the first time round.
A few hours later I did a pathworking with Yisrael. Before visualising the elemental images, I chanted Micah’s angelic mantra for the senses for ten minutes as an experiment to see if it helped boost the immersive quality of the visualisations. I didn’t notice any difference.
I have been neglectful of my work with Yisrael on my magical imagination so I apologised for my lack of consistency, and he gave me some advice to follow.
I had planned to do some more energy work after supper, and to complete the protection servitor for someone, but I wound up falling asleep pretty early and so did not get to it.
6 Likes
8/6/20
Day 73:
It was another good, magical day.
Did the chakra exercise and blue flame meditation around 830 AM. I don’t usually do it so early in the day, so I felt a little wobbly with the vibration of the mantras, but I could definitely feel a shift in my awareness. It felt like the beginnings of trance.
Around 11 AM I practiced OAA Exercises 1 and 2. I’m still having a difficult time getting any sort of concrete visualisation. Neither the mist nor the pendulum seems “real” yet.
At 130 PM I repeated Ritual 1 from Success Magick. I am really beginning to get a sense of the scope of this work. I got the impression of things moving and shifting around me, much more so than when I first did the ritual back in April. I don’t know if I am more prepared now than I was then, but I am definitely feeling like some big changes will be brought forth.
I practiced Enochian way back in my early days of ceremonial magick, mostly through the work of the Schuelers, but I didn’t go very deep into it, and eventually eschewed it for a much less complicated system. Working with the simplified Enochian in Success Magick gives me a strange feeling, almost like coming home, like the angels have been waiting for me.
Before supper, around 630 PM, I did some extra work with my Muladhara chakra. I chanted the mantra of Ganesha, AUM GAM GANAPATAYA NAMAH for 24 minutes, to open the way, and then followed it with the Bija mantra LAM for another 24 minutes. The vibrations in the perineum area were significantly pronounced, much more so than what I generally experience with EA’s exercise. It felt like my entire pelvis was vibrating.
I fell asleep about an hour and a half after supper and didn’t practice anything else.
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9/6/20
Day 74:
It was a magically good day.
Did my chakras and the blue flame meditation at about 1030 AM. My eyes were dry and it was difficult to stop blinking during the meditation. As soon as my eyes were open for a short time, they would start burning, particularly the right one. I don’t know why. Something in my environment, maybe.
130 PM - did a third repetition of Ritual 1 from Success Magick. I have been trying to do the ritual at the same time each day, for no particular reason, but I am finding it to set a good tone for the rest of the day. I have the Enochian words practically memorised by this point and can vibrate them while looking directly at the Nalvage seal, instead of having to read them.
330 PM - Pathworking with Yisrael and visualisation practice. Usually when I finish the elemental imagery for the angel, he appears on a soft white background, but this time he appeared on a beach, and told me to focus my senses on the sounds around me, and not only on what I see but what I hear and feel as well.
It got very intriguing when the sounds of birds outside my window merged into the visualisation and became gulls, and the sound of children playing entered the image as well. Yisrael also had me visualise an apple in my hand and bite into it, trying to taste it. I didn’t have any success with the sense of taste though.
All in all, what I thought was a 15 minute pathworking, turned out to be 45 minutes once I came out of it.
That was the end of the my praxis for the day. My landlady came over and brought me a frozen pizza so I never got around to doing anything else, and was asleep by 10 PM.
4 Likes
10/6/20
Day 75:
It was a good, magical day.
930 AM - Chakra exercise and Blue Flame meditation. Everything went smoothly. Had difficulty stopping myself from blinking while gazing at the candle though.
230 PM - Ritual 1 from Success Magick. I did it a bit later than my usual time of 130 because I got wrapped up in EA’s live chat, and then chose to have something to eat.
I seem to be getting more of an effect from the Enochian this time around though. My head feels woozy and my tummy a bit nauseous afterwards, almost like how I feel under sleep deprivation. It usually passes after a few minutes.
630 PM - Vibrated the Ganesha mantra for 24 minutes, followed by the Muladhara mantra for 24 minutes. I can definitely feel the vibrations throughout my entire pelvic region, and when I am done my whole lower area is warm and tingly.
End of praxis.
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11/6/20
Day 76:
'Twas a good day.
10 AM - Chakra exercise and blue flame meditation. Everything seems to still be flowing well. Still having difficulty with not blinking during the blue flame meditation due to the dryness in my environment. It seems to bother my right eye in particular.
130 PM - Ritual 1 of Success Magick. Today’s repetition did not produce the nauseous feeling. I’m still feeling conflicted about it for some reason, even though synchronicity abounds, and some readings by forum members have said the outcome will be favourable.
Maybe I’m just scared.
630 PM - I sent my legion of servitors out on another task. They succeeded beyond my expectations on the last one, bringing me a book that was lost in the mail three weeks ago.
8 PM - Vibration of Ganesha mantra for 24 minutes, and Muladhara mantra for 24 minutes. I ended up only doing the mantra for the Muladhara chakra for ten minutes due to a sudden cramp in my lower back that I could not rectify.
End of praxis.
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12/6/20
Day 77:
A good magical day was had.
1030 AM - Chakra exercise and blue flame meditation. Nothing unusual to report. Right eye still burns when trying not to blink while staring at the candle.
130 PM - Ritual 1 of Success Magick. The Nalvage sigil makes my head feel funny, almost like I’m in the beginning stages of either trance or inebriation. I stumbled over the Enochian and had to repeat the words.
730 PM - Vibrated the Ganesha mantra for 24 minutes, and the LAM mantra for the muladhara for 24 minutes. My legs fell asleep from sitting cross legged so long, so I couldn’t walk afterwards.
End of praxis.
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13/5/20
Day 78:
Another good day.
10 AM - Chakra exercise and blue flame meditation. Was able to maintain the gaze on the candle for most of the ten minutes without blinking. Right eye still burned and heavily teared though.
130 PM - Ritual 1 of Success Magick. I didn’t realise this was the final seventh day. I added Donald Tyson’s cleansing prayer to the ritual as an experiment. It felt a bit odd though. No nausea or dizziness was experienced when gazing at the sigil or vibrating the Enochian.
530 PM - Vibration of Ganesha mantra for 24 minutes, and LAM mantra for 24 minutes. I only managed to vibrate the muladhara mantra for ten minutes today, again due to my lower back cramping up. I think I’m going to have to add some exercises to strengthen my lower back to my routine in order to help maintain my posture for meditations lasting over 30 minutes.
End of praxis.
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14/6/20
Day 79:
It was a good day, though I started my praxis late, so I did the exercises and rituals out of the usual order.
130 PM - Began Ritual 2 of Success Magick: Clarity. I feel this ritual may well be the most profound one for me, as it has direct bearing on certain questions I have been grappling with for a very long time. I will most likely have more to say on the matter as the ritual progresses.
5 PM - Chakra exercise and blue flame meditation. I successfully kept my eyes from blinking for the full ten minutes of the blue flame meditation, and I have been adding Jason Miller’s 9 Breaths Purification before the chakra exercise for the last four days.
10 PM - 9 Breaths Purification ,followed by vibration of Ganesha mantra and Muladhara mantra for 24 minutes each. I was able to sit and vibrate the mantras for the full allotted time. I stretched my hips a bit in between the Ganesha mantra and the chakra mantra, and that seemed to help my lower back maintain position without cramping.
End of praxis.
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15/6/20
The day was good.
130 PM - Ritual 2 of Success Magick: Clarity.
I took some inspiration from @shinri 's journal, and added the vibration of the first Enochian Key before saying the Divine names. It definitely increased the effect in my head when I did so. However, my own intuition is nudging me to use the Key before commencing the ritual instead of within it so I’ll see how that goes.
This ritual has led me to much soul searching over the last two days. Some personal revelations have come up.
The decisions we make dictate the actions we take, but our decisions should always be preceded by contemplation so we have a clear understanding of where we want to go. It’s not enough to say, “I want to be rich,” or “I want to be happy,” or “I want to be successful.” You need to know what exactly those words mean for you. Success for one person might be defined as being at the helm of a muli-billion dollar conglomerate, with three mansions, a yacht, and a different nubile young sex doll every night. For someone else, it might mean a simple abode on a tract of land in the middle of nowhere, where they can enjoy the beauty of nature, raise animals, and dance naked under the full moon around a bonfire, chanting homage to the gods.
I find I am holding onto a lot of fear. Not fear of failure, the gods know how often I have failed in my life, but mostly a fear of success, and a fear of not being good enough. I grew up in a small town, where I was often teased for being smarter than everyone else, and where my mother’s favourite thing to say to me was “you’re too smart for your own good.” It wasn’t seen as a good trait to stand out from the crowd too much, unless it was in something like athletics. Intellectual pursuits were not seen as manly, and I often thought I was a disappointment to my father because I had no interest in hunting, or camping. So I tried to dumb myself down for the sake of fitting in.
Even when I left home for college, I was still afraid and instead of letting my intelligence out of its cage in an arena where it would be welcomed, it remained tightly leashed. I only did the absolute minimum required to pass my courses. I still got good marks without much effort, but they were nowhere near what they could have been if I had simply allowed myself to be successful. I realise now, looking back, that every decision I have made, and consequently every action I took, came from this place of fear.
This fear has held me back in my magick as well. I made offerings of ritual to the members of this forum but didn’t do as I promised. I procrastinated, and put things off, blaming lethargy and depression. I can see now that it is was neither of those things. It was fear. What if my magick doesn’t work? What if i’m not as good as I think I am? What if I succeed and people start clamouring for my attention and skill? What if people feel threatened and seek to take me down?
My decisions, and the actions that have stemmed from them, for most of my life have been dictated by fear.
4 PM - Chakra work and blue flame meditation. What do you know? I’m actually beginning to feel a real movement of energy despite my shielding. I was able to refrain from blinking for the entire ten minutes of the blue flame meditation.
7 PM - Vibration of Ganesha mantra and Muladhara mantra for 24 minutes each. I can feel my entire pelvis vibrate with the mantras, and my perineum and groin get very warm and tingly.
I have personal issues around stability, home, and money, all of which are related to the Earth element, due to circumstances in the past 20 years of my life, so working with this chakra may bring them up, and I should be prepared for that. This may also dovetail into the Enochian work.
1030 PM - Beginning of the gestation period of the construct servitor for a forum member.
End of praxis.
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16/6/20
Day 81:
130 PM - Ritual 2 of Success Magick: Clarity.
I added the first Enochian Key before the ritual but didn’t notice much of an effect.
5 PM - Chakra exercise. I decided to skip the blue flame meditation today because my right eye was bothering me with spontaneous tearing.
Fell asleep by 9 PM so that was the end of praxis.
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