Knight Musings

Hey All,

As most of you know, on January 22, I was burned out of my place of residence due to the stupidity of a downstairs tenant. I spent three days in a motel, thanks to emergency social services, and then was scrambling for a place to go once those three days were up. I spent a week in a local hostel (after I got some cash) and then, after some quick magick from the Friends With Benefits group, a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a few years stepped forward and gave me a room in his house for a couple of months until I can find a place of my own.

I have limited income, as I am on “welfare” due to my depression, and few material possessions. The city where I live has a very low vacancy rate at the moment, and so the chances of finding a place within my price range is going to be a challenge.

This is is where I currently stand.

I mention all this because I have decided that now is the time to put my magick where my mouth is, and show my power and skill by building up my life beyond what it used to be. Belial told me years ago that there is no separation between the spiritual and the physical, and while I have always understood this intellectually, I have never truly felt the truth of it on a deep level, so I can think of no other time than the current situation to learn.

This thread will be a journal of my journey and experiences. I will be calling upon everything I know, and probably some things I don’t, so perhaps this can inspire others to do what i am attempting to do.

This will be an alchemy of sorts. An Alchemy of Self. I know I will not be the same person at the end, whether I am successful in elevating my life or not. Something inside tells me so.

So let’s begin, shall we?

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The Spiritual and Physical are not seperate. Think of the spiritual like the energy of thoughts arising out of the Primordial Soup of Elements and the physical is such energy taking form as tangible Manifestation in the physical World.

As to Elements use common sense. You wouldnt call on say Fire if the manifestation calls for a blend of things. A physical body consists of many things. I know I know the 4 elements symbolize a number of things, but I prefer to program my mind to think in more direct terms so there isnt that barrier. Its this same reasoning in magick where its required to get genetic material from someone, or to travel to a location to acquire an object or dirt or whatever.

So you could do the same. Travel to the neighborhoods you want to live in and collect Physical Materials for the Altar. You can also collect material to represent the Mood Emotion of the place you want to stay to create an atmosphere. Theres also the Passive (attracting) vs Active (influencing) a place.

As for translating the Spiritual into the Physical…that is basically just making your magick heavier and more dense for purposes of manifestation. This is the Belial Magick that certain people are afraid of…what they call “Going Deep” as well as all the discussions you always hear about it being better taking Baby Steps rather than just throwing around power. This is only true if you do not have ultimate self-control…and if you dont its better to just take baby steps until you do, because its the equivalent of unleashing a Charging Bull in a China Shop.

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I have begun.

I have made the decision to interpret everything as a personal message to me from the Eternal/multiverse. It should be quite interesting to see where this takes me.

I have started performing the Circle of Power from Damon Brand’s “Archangels of Magick” book every morning, and i’m using Belial’s gateway symbols at night to remove all bindings and blocks to the expression of my power.

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Something interesting happened tonight, as I spoke the incantation for Belial’s gateway symbols. Immediately after speaking, I felt pressure on my Ajna. It felt like something heavy was resting upon it, like a coin. After closing the ritual, I had a slight headache for a few minutes.

i have used the symbols a few years previously but have never had such an energetic response before. Very intriguing.

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So far, my work has started with the Circle of Power in the morning, and opening Belial’s gateway symbols at night.

Yesterday, I performed my first archangel sigil magick from Damon Brand’s “Archangels of Magick” book. We’ll see if I did it well enough, because sometimes the emotional transmutation is difficult for me as my emotions tend to be muted because of my dysthymia. The result requested is internal, not external, so hopefully it won’t be lost in the tumult inside my head.

Last night, after opening Belial’s seal, and asking him to remove all blocks to the full expression of my power, as I was laying in bed, I felt my chakras flowing strongly. I feel more open now and yet simultaneously grounded.

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Update:

It’s a beautiful sunny day today, with a cool breeze blowing, so I went out for a good walk (and to pick up some hamburger buns for supper) and I received a shocking insight: Life is meant to be enjoyed!

I have to admit that, on most days, I don’t feel as if my life is very enjoyable. I tend to stay in my room watching TV shows on the internet or fapping to porn, more out of habit than any sort of pleasure.

I’ve always taken my magick as serious business, but now I am beginning to understand why a divination i received from a forum member had pointed out that I needed to recapture the mystery and awe of what i’m doing when I perform rituals. The power of magick comes from the elevation of the mind through these things.

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Hey Knight, I thought I’d offer some tips on performing the angelic emotional transmutations since I have a good amount of experience with the technique. Thanks for sharing btw, and I would just PM this to you to not hijack your thread any, but others may find it helpful too, if you don’t mind.

Ok, so emotional transmutation. This is something that took me some time to figure out, partially because there is much more to the technique in its entirety than what you may realize at first. More than that, I definitely feel you on the “muted emotions” thing. I put my thoughts about this at the end of the post, after the alchemy tips.

You’ll note that the process is described as a “transmutation,” a transformation of one thing into another. While gazing at the sigil and contemplating your desire, allow all of the (likely) negative feelings you have around the current situation to arise and be amplified by the angels. Really take your time here, as difficult or unpleasant as it may be, to bring forth the entirety of your emotion.

I will often feel these emotions as a constricting feeling in my chest, like I’m being choked almost. One thing I find particularly helpful here is to imagine how I would feel if the magick did not work, and things stayed the same or got worse. At this point I typically am consumed with an overwhelming sense of dismay, anxiety, depression, complete helplessness, or some other gross cocktail of emotion.

When you then transmute the emotional energy, you may find that it feels like it squeezes through a filter of sorts, or is pushed up out of your body. In its place, allow Light to flow into you and fill you with the positive emotions associated with your desire. Feelings such as joy, peace, love, and gratitude will often arise without much effort at this point.

I usually feel these new, purified emotions as an ebbing, glowing shade of Light in my chest/upper body. I also do not typically visualize the end-result much when doing this sort of magick. I do find it helpful in some circumstances, but with practice you’ll get used to working directly with the emotional energy.

Overall I’d say the key is bringing up as much of the negative energy as you can, and then purifying it into something more pure and beneficial. I would say that you need to clear out the negative to allow new positive stuff to come in, but it’s less of a replacing and more of a transmuting from one internal state into another, thus the term emotional alchemy.

Also, one more thing, do not neglect the bit where you shift time. It may seem like a minor detail at first, but it is the doorway to powerful emotions. The author just mentions doing so once, but I’ve often found that, in magick, it is often better to do things three times than two.

Sad ramblings follow, read if you dare :open_mouth:

I generally did not feel much of anything for most of my daily life until I started practicing magick. I still had some emotions, but they were very transient and weak, and mostly I just felt hollow and empty or a vague, unspecific negativity. I had a very poor self-image, with no self-respect or esteem. I let people walk all over me and take advantage of me, and generally did not have a healthy sense of self and other.

Magick has healed so much poison I had repressed within me, has helped me see the true value and beauty of my self, and has empowered me to live the life that my truest self desires, not the life that others have tried to force upon me. While I’m still learning about myself and growing as a person, it is difficult to describe the sheer magnitude of the transformation that has occurred both within me and without in my life.

Wishing you the best :slightly_smiling_face:

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6/3/19

Didn’t feel anything from the Circle of Power today. I actually haven’t felt much at all from it since I started. I’m not sure I’ll continue with it beyond this week. I just seem to be going through the motions with the angles.

Belial’s gateway symbols had much more of an effect on me. I felt an energetic influx and had a headache afterwards.

I’m beginning to question whether the angels are truly what I should be working with in my current situation. I have had some partial success with the angel sigil. I had asked Gabriel for “insight into what I really want,” and I do feel there has been some progress in that direction, though I don’t know yet if there is more to come.

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7/3/19

Update:

The angelic sigil of Gabriel was successful. Last night, I sat down and was able to clarify what I am seeking, and, perhaps most importantly, why I am seeking it.

I realized that I am not just looking for a new place to live, but a new home. It occurred to me that, over the last ten years or so, none of the places where I rested my head, felt like a true home to me. In the back of my mind there was always this nagging feeling of being “away from home,” and that everything was just temporary. Maybe this is why I have had so much trouble since coming down here for college.

Thinking about a home got me into thinking about the words of Azazel in the Book of Azazel, about how our physical bodies are the singularity which enables us to expand, and that without them, we would not be able to fully embody our godhood.

I think the concept of home functions much the same way for us. Without such a place, we lack the base from which we can expand our enjoyment and experience of the world. A home acts as a way to rest and rejuvenate ourselves in a similar way to how our bodies act as both a gateway to, and a shelter from, spiritual experiences.

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8/3/19

I have to say, having Belial’s energy around me, plus the four archangels, is very empowering. I’m feeling pretty good today, and my outlook on life and my current situation has improved considerably.

After the third night using Belial’s gateway symbols, I had @Goddess_Astarte take a peek at me, and she described a dark, smoky, gem like aura around me, and further out, a golden band around the gem, representing the archangels. The smoky aura caressed her hand, confirming it was Belial. Very beautiful to scrying eyes.

I feel grounded, and stable. My depression has lessened and my motivation and desire for change has increased. I think the clarity brought about by the sigil of Gabriel has helped too. To get to where you want to go, you actually have to know what your destination is. You can’t just say, “I want to be rich,” because that could mean anything. You need to know what “rich” means to you, in order to get there.

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12/3/19

I stopped performing the Circle of Power for a couple of days, and have been feeling a bit rundown since. I tried using Lady Eva’s Invocation of Inner Divinity this morning but it felt listless and flat. I resumed the Circle of Power and felt better, a bit more energized. Strange reaction.

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13/3/19

I have observed something interesting.

After performing the Circle of Power for a week, minus the day I didn’t do it, of course, it seems that it is having an actual effect on my environment.

An aspect of the technique is to project various elemental correspondences into the direction specific to the angel as you call its name, and it seems doing this may have imbued the directions with the energy of those elements, and this may help with the evocation of other spirits.

Last night, I evoked Belphegor, a demon of Earth, from the North, and his manifestation was very heavy and solid, more so than my usual evocations, so it occurred to me that maybe the Circle of Power was responsible.

One evocation isn’t enough to confirm the observation, obviously, but it certainly raises some questions in my head. Only time and more evocations will tell if it bears out.

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27/3/2019

Been a bit lax in updating this.

I’m still performing the Circle of Power upon awakening, after my daily stretching. I haven’t decided on the best way to work with the angels yet. The Gallery of Magick approach seems a bit limited to me so I’m leaning towards full evocation.

A day ago I was hit with the inspiration to do the 72 Challenge, only with the Shem angels instead of the demons of the Goetia. I reasoned that if the demons represent aspects of the mind, and the angels are said to guide and/or constrain those aspects, then those angels should also be able to open the parts of the mind associated with them.

I reread the Challenge thread, and lo and behold! there was a post in there from another member talking about doing the same, so I hit him up in PM for advice. His intent for calling the angels was a bit different from that of the Challenge, but using the angels instead of the demons seems simple enough to do.

I’m rather intrigued by the possible effects it might have. The demons caused some upheaval and pain in the lives of those who did the challenge so I’m curious about what the angels will do. I harbour no illusions that they are cute and cuddly because I know better. They are powerful warriors so it may not be a fun ride either.

I think the angel Poiel wants something from me, but I have no idea what. His name has been in my head for over a week now. I tried using the ritual from Henry Archer’s book “The Magick of Angels and Demons” to call upon him and Gremory, but I don’t think I was successful. It was to bring money from unexpected sources.

Poiel is number 56 on the list of Shem angels, but maybe I should evoke him out of order and see what he wants.

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6/42019

I made my first pact last night.

I’ve been at this for over 15 years, and have never felt the need to do a pact, but I guess situations change. There was no big fanfare. I called the spirit, he came, he agreed to the pact, and I signed it with a drop of blood.

I don’t feel any different, and time will tell if the pact is successful. It’s duration is 30 days.

I’m still working with the angels during the time of the pact though. My intuition tells me they have something for me.

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7/4/2019

Did the usual Circle of Power, and then meditated on the seal of the spirit I made the pact with. During the meditation, I felt a bit dizzy, and “saw” little waves of energy wafting from the open seal.

Interesting.

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10/4/2019

I’ve got it in my head to do the 72 challenge again, this time with the Shemhamforash angels instead of the spirits of the Goetia.

Actually, it occurred to me last night, that I could do both at the same time, as I had only completed six of the Goetia previously.

The Shem angels are said to compliment, and guide the spirits of the Goetia, so I have been thinking about the possibilities of evoking the angel first, and asking it to open the aspect of my mind it is associated with, and then, the next day, doing the same with the spirit of the Goetia the angel is said to be connected to.

I wonder what the results would be? By including the angels, would it lessen the turmoil described by those who undertook the original challenge? Or would it cause even more?

I am also in a pact with Lucifer at the moment and meditating daily on his seal as part of that. I wonder if the angels opening my mind will have an affect on that.

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14/4/2018

I’ve started my challenge. 1 angel, and 1 demon down, 71 demons and 71 angels to go.

So far, I’m not feeling anything spectacular, but there does seem to be something that feels…off. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with the operation though. It’s just an uneasy feeling tickling the back of my brain. Could be nothing.

I am fulfilling my agreement with Lucifer as well as this challenge so my day is being book ended with magick. Circle of Power, and meditation upon Lucifer’s seal, in the morning (or whenever I get out of bed) and the evocation of the Shemhamforash angels and demons of the Goetia at night.

The hardest part for me is remaining consistent in what I’m doing. Daily ritual is something I have had difficulty keeping up with in the past, so I have to be careful that I don’t fall into the procrastination or laziness trap. It’s been my habit for so long that it feels almost unnatural not to give in to it.

Whether I’m sick or tired or depressed, this is something I have to see through. In the original challenge, the OP mentioned a sort of momentum taking over once he had hit the threshold of 30 spirits, I think it was, so hopefully something similar will happen with me. I know there will be bumps in the road, especially given my current housing situation, but I will adapt.

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U should have been into counseling - teaching related thing a long time ago, That;s just in you. Hope U attain the best in this endeavor , U deserve it to put it mildly.

Planning to attain kanakadhara Stotra’s siddhi, If attained will do a simple ritual for U as a token of appreciation for helping idiots continuously over 7 years. If worked there should not be any monetary problem EVER. If doesn’t work then will prove I am still a Dofus.

What ever, best of luck man. :+1:

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16/42019

The evocation of Agares last night seemed to go well. I slept with his seal under my pillow but did not wake up feeling as tired as I have been.

Burned the seal and performed the Circle of Power a little later in the day than usual. Before meditating upon Lucifer’s seal, I chanted the incantation for astral senses @Micah received from Meton. Had an immediate, sharp pain in the centre of my head. I gazed at the seal for 5-10 minutes, and then performed the ritual closing.

Experienced a massive dizzy spell standing up afterwards and I still have a slight headache.

I think the evocations are having an effect. My mind feels different in a way I can’t quite put my finger on.

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23/4/2019 0300

I have felt off all day. The whole day seemed wrapped in fog and everything was muted. Sure, it was the tail end of a holiday long weekend, but it felt very odd and, while not quite sinister, it was unnatural. I had lunch at McDonald’s and even there, the usual hustle and bustle was muted, and the people were devoid of animation or excitement. Even the traffic seemed softer and less noisy.

No idea why or if it was related to my operation. Maybe it was just one of those days. I accomplished nothing. Did no evocations.

Now, I am unable to sleep.

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