Knight Musings

No, I have not.

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28/5/20

Day 62:

945 AM - Had a really good morning brain scrubbing session. Was able to follow my breath for almost the full thirty minutes, using the breathing technique from Path Notes.

1230 PM - Pulled power through my chakras, and vibrated the mantras. I’m feeling strong movement within the Mulhadrara, possibly a stirring of the Kundalini. Both my Anahata and my Vishuddha need work though. They are my two most inactive chakras, apparently.

330 -ish PM - OAA Exercises. I have developed more of an energetic sense of the presence of the mist than any solid visuals in Exercise 1. I can’t see the mist, but I know it is there, if that makes sense.

The pendulum in Exercise 2 has become fairly solid, and seems to want to remain as the curved blade without morphing into something else. I can hold the swing now without deviation for at least a full two or three minutes out of ten. I think it is time to move on to Exercise 3.

I’ve been trying to add little meditative moments throughout the day, like Jason Miller suggests in his book Sorcerer’s Secrets. It’s harder than it seems though. It’s just so easy to get wrapped up and forgot to pause for a moment and bring the awareness to the breath. I’ve also been trying to incorporate the Path Notes breathing technique when walking but I cannot yet get past falling back into my habitual breathing pattern when moving.

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29/5/20

Day 63:

I have the feeling that I am close to discovering the key to something. What, exactly, that something is, I have no idea, but today I had the distinct impression that I’m “almost there.” It’s such a vague feeling though that it could mean nothing…or it could mean everything. It seems something is building up and I am approaching the cusp of a deep well.

I slept really late so didn’t get to my chakra exercise until around three in the afternoon. I can feel my energy building and the chakras opening up more, though as stated previously, the Anahata and Vishuddha, the two chakras that connect the upper and the lower, seem to be slower to develop than the rest. Maybe that is why there is still a persistent illusion of separation between the physical and the spiritual to me, despite having practiced ritual magick for over two decades.

Practiced OAA Exercises 1 and 2 around 730 PM, just before supper. The exercises went the same as previously, with little actual visuals but a strong feeling of “seeing.” My Ajna has begun throbbing when I do the exercises now.

I think I have all the necessary candle colours to start including Exercise 3 in my practice tomorrow.

I am noticing some subtle Enochian synchronicity lately…

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30/5/20

Day 64:

Today was a light practice day. I did the chakra exercise and blue flame meditation around 11 AM and then, due to sleep deprivation, wound up falling asleep about half and hour later, and not waking up until 715 PM. I had a heavy supper and didn’t do anything else.

I have been pondering the distinct lack of a grimoire that deals with female spirits lately. I read the Amazon preview of Faustus Crow’s Goetia Girls, and he raises an interesting point. The spirits traditionally worked with in magick are all heavily skewed towards only male demons and angels, and even those demons that are mentioned as appearing in female form, are really just men in drag.

Now, I get that spirits technically have no gender, but they do have distinct energy, and regardless of their outward form, the energy of the traditional spirits in magick is generally masculine.

All things in this universe are created by the interplay of Yin and Yang, the feminine and the masculine, and part of the Great Work of the magician is to embody both the Solar and Lunar forces, so where are the Yin angels and demons, the feminine counterparts to the more well known masculine Yang angels and demons?

Surely there are truly female angels, not just well known male angels, like Raziel or Gabriel, in female clothes? I did find one book on Amazon that purported to be about female archangels, but reading the preview, it turned out to be heavily New Age and all about female empowerment, and I really don’t know how accurate its information really is. The angels had names like Lady Charity, Lady Ariel, and Lady Aurora, which I found rather questionable.

if the suffix of “EL” in an angel’s name (like in Michael) means “chosen of God” in Hebrew, and “AH” (like in Vehuiah) means “of God” or “from God,” then where are all the daughters of EL?

And where are all the female demons? Other than Lilith and her sisters, even the Left Hand Path rarely seems to deal with the feminine, and almost every mention of a demon even remotely female automatically becomes a “succubus” and is immediately sexualised, which is a mistake Faustus Crow makes.

Much to ruminate over…

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Not entirely sure what do you mean by “truly females”… The gender is what you perceive as an individual and your sources play a huge role. Same as for example, everyone in a (random name) coven will see Lucifer as a female. That’s not because they have the gender right (or wrong), or that Lucifer decided to appear in that specific coven’s members as a female for some twisted reasons, but simply it’s what spreads in the unconscious of every member. It’s what grimoires you’re reading. Also those who wrote that grimoire, what influences they had? :woman_shrugging:
If you ask me for example, I’ve come across some female entities that most see as males but for me, a person who doesn’t read almost anything before the evocation, those entities had a very strong female energy. Most of them keep appearing to me as females. Examples:

Leraje
Gamigin
Sallos
The twins Taroon and Rashoon
Agiel (Saturn’s Intelligence)

Edit:

What God? Are we taking this with the Christian version? If yes then maybe, like in some old myths, Yahweh (El) produces sons (-el) and his wife Asherah produces daughters (-ah). But who can know since no one ever mentions or works with her? Maybe Vehuiah is truly Asherah’s daughter but people see her as a male because the divine feminine was is in general pushed back. Who can really tell?

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The angel Muriel came to me as female :). Wasn’t seeking her however so it was a curious encounter.

Abaddon appeared to me as a woman I knew (but not one I knew well) early on- told me it was because I was still afraid.

I just realised I’m behind on this so I’m going to make a double post…

31/5/20

Day 65:

Performed the chakra exercise in the afternoon, but that’s all. Wasn’t feeling particularly inspired to do anything else. I’m not sure I’m really accomplishing anything.

1/6/20

Day 66:

Another lacklustre day of zero accomplishment. I’ve realised I don’t know what, exactly, I’m trying to achieve with what I’m doing. I’m still feeling like I’m just running in place.

I need a goal, something to aim for, because tight now, it seems like I’m just shooting in the dark. My path is crooked, zigzagging left and right, and I’m groping around blind.

I stand between Heaven and Hell, but what does that mean? Who am I? What am I? Where am I going? What is my final destination, and how will I know when I’ve reached it? These are the questions that keep me up at night, and keep me locked in stasis. They say the first beginnings of wisdom is knowing that you don’t know. Well, I don’t know. I have no idea how to answer these questions.

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Does it matter? These answers are redefining themselves right as we speak. To know “the” answer is stasis itself, in my own findings.

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Maybe go back to the concept of subjective synthesis? Adopt the path and beliefs that serve you in that moment, fully and wholeheartedly, without reservation - maybe some will stick, maybe some will be useful in the moment, then shed like an old skin, for fresher beliefs and ways? :thinking:

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I have been MIA for a few days on the reading side of things, but I still want to take the time to say:

source

for you.

2/6/20

Day 67:

Mainly worked on my chakras today. Didn’t do much else. I still feel like I’m missing something though.

3/6/20

Day 68:

Was feeling low today. A mild depression has set in. The chakra exercise felt lifeless. Meditated with the Solfeggio frequencies in the evening and felt a little better.

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I have faith in you! Don’t give up.

Sending positive energy your way to get you through the valley. :heart:

4/6/20 and 5/6/20

Day 69 & 70:

Both days sort of melded into each other so I’m combining them here in my journal.

Have been mainly working on my chakras. I’ve been noticing lately that I have been getting sleepy soon after doing the exercise. About an hour or so after finishing, I will start yawning, and if I’m not doing anything active, I’ll drift off to sleep without even realising it. It doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I had the night before, I’ll still end up napping, especially if I am meditating with binaurals or watching television. As soon as I am relaxed enough, my eyes will close and it’s lights out for at least an hour, sometimes as much as three.

I don’t know why, or if it is related to the chakra work.

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6/6/20

Day 71:

Chakra exercise at 330 PM, followed by the blue flame meditation. Only blinked twice during the meditation so that’s good progress.

Around 5 PM I slipped into Alpha and chanted the angelic mantra for the senses for about ten minutes, before summoning my legion of elementals. Chanting the mantra seemed to cause a throbbing pain to develop in my right temple.

When my legion arrived I “heard” a rustling sound, almost like they were jostling each other to fit into my space. I commanded them to search out and retrieve my book that got lost in the mail. It should be a good test of their ability to influence the material world if they can pull it off.

I commenced work on building the form of a protection servitor someone requested.

I had a bizarre dream. I was performing in some kind of musical, but I forgot what I was supposed to sing, so I called out for someone to tell me, but no one would. I yelled at the people I sensed standing in the shadows around me, and got really frustrated that no help was forthcoming. I stormed off the stage, but then stormed right back on and starting screaming words in Enochian. Everything started to vibrate, and suddenly the environment dissolved into nothingness, leaving me standing in darkness. I wasn’t alone, though. I could feel the presence of something incredibly massive standing next to me.

Then I woke up.

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Your drowsiness could be the result of “dullness,” which was prevalent throughout my meditation session yesterday (I follow the book The Mind Illuminated for reference). To elaborate a bit, in case it helps, dullness is the result of “non-perceiving mind moments.” When you fall asleep, it is because you are experiencing many moments in a row where you do not perceive, which lowers the energy level of the mind. When you are fully and completely alert, every moment is a moment of perceiving attention or awareness.

Back when I was more adept at mindfulness meditation, I reached a stage where distractions and strong drowsiness mostly fell away, but there was a “subtle dullness” nearly constantly present that reduced the power and clarity of my personal attention. I could tell when this subtle dullness subsided as the sensations of the breathe became significantly sharper. At my peak, dullness too fell away, and my concentration became more powerful as the meditation continued.

To remedy the dullness, you just have to be aware that it is present and re-focus your attention more acutely. The challenge is finding a balance between moments of attention to the object and moments of introspective awareness of the entire contents of the mind. Too much attention and distractions and dullness can creep in, and too much awareness and you don’t build concentration. I’m working to get back to this point, but eventually meditation should leave you feeling more energized than before you started.

Hope this helps!

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7/6/20

Day 72:

It was a good day, magically speaking.

Performed the chakra exercise and blue flame meditation around 1030 AM. The energy flowed well, and I was actually successful in keeping my eyes from blinking for the entirety of the allotted ten minutes of meditation.

I need to up my chakra game, though I’m not sure how to do that just yet.

I decided to once more begin Enochian Success Magick by Damon Brand. I had performed the first ritual back in April but I figured I should start over instead of continuing where I left off, so around 130 PM I commenced Ritual 1 again. The effect was almost immediate. I felt a very pronounced shift in my perceptions, and I had a distinct feeling of…happiness? I’m not sure that is the appropriate word but I can’t think of another at the moment. It was very odd, and I had not experienced it the first time round.

A few hours later I did a pathworking with Yisrael. Before visualising the elemental images, I chanted Micah’s angelic mantra for the senses for ten minutes as an experiment to see if it helped boost the immersive quality of the visualisations. I didn’t notice any difference.

I have been neglectful of my work with Yisrael on my magical imagination so I apologised for my lack of consistency, and he gave me some advice to follow.

I had planned to do some more energy work after supper, and to complete the protection servitor for someone, but I wound up falling asleep pretty early and so did not get to it.

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8/6/20

Day 73:

It was another good, magical day.

Did the chakra exercise and blue flame meditation around 830 AM. I don’t usually do it so early in the day, so I felt a little wobbly with the vibration of the mantras, but I could definitely feel a shift in my awareness. It felt like the beginnings of trance.

Around 11 AM I practiced OAA Exercises 1 and 2. I’m still having a difficult time getting any sort of concrete visualisation. Neither the mist nor the pendulum seems “real” yet.

At 130 PM I repeated Ritual 1 from Success Magick. I am really beginning to get a sense of the scope of this work. I got the impression of things moving and shifting around me, much more so than when I first did the ritual back in April. I don’t know if I am more prepared now than I was then, but I am definitely feeling like some big changes will be brought forth.

I practiced Enochian way back in my early days of ceremonial magick, mostly through the work of the Schuelers, but I didn’t go very deep into it, and eventually eschewed it for a much less complicated system. Working with the simplified Enochian in Success Magick gives me a strange feeling, almost like coming home, like the angels have been waiting for me.

Before supper, around 630 PM, I did some extra work with my Muladhara chakra. I chanted the mantra of Ganesha, AUM GAM GANAPATAYA NAMAH for 24 minutes, to open the way, and then followed it with the Bija mantra LAM for another 24 minutes. The vibrations in the perineum area were significantly pronounced, much more so than what I generally experience with EA’s exercise. It felt like my entire pelvis was vibrating.

I fell asleep about an hour and a half after supper and didn’t practice anything else.

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9/6/20

Day 74:

It was a magically good day.

Did my chakras and the blue flame meditation at about 1030 AM. My eyes were dry and it was difficult to stop blinking during the meditation. As soon as my eyes were open for a short time, they would start burning, particularly the right one. I don’t know why. Something in my environment, maybe.

130 PM - did a third repetition of Ritual 1 from Success Magick. I have been trying to do the ritual at the same time each day, for no particular reason, but I am finding it to set a good tone for the rest of the day. I have the Enochian words practically memorised by this point and can vibrate them while looking directly at the Nalvage seal, instead of having to read them.

330 PM - Pathworking with Yisrael and visualisation practice. Usually when I finish the elemental imagery for the angel, he appears on a soft white background, but this time he appeared on a beach, and told me to focus my senses on the sounds around me, and not only on what I see but what I hear and feel as well.

It got very intriguing when the sounds of birds outside my window merged into the visualisation and became gulls, and the sound of children playing entered the image as well. Yisrael also had me visualise an apple in my hand and bite into it, trying to taste it. I didn’t have any success with the sense of taste though.

All in all, what I thought was a 15 minute pathworking, turned out to be 45 minutes once I came out of it.

That was the end of the my praxis for the day. My landlady came over and brought me a frozen pizza so I never got around to doing anything else, and was asleep by 10 PM.

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10/6/20

Day 75:

It was a good, magical day.

930 AM - Chakra exercise and Blue Flame meditation. Everything went smoothly. Had difficulty stopping myself from blinking while gazing at the candle though.

230 PM - Ritual 1 from Success Magick. I did it a bit later than my usual time of 130 because I got wrapped up in EA’s live chat, and then chose to have something to eat.

I seem to be getting more of an effect from the Enochian this time around though. My head feels woozy and my tummy a bit nauseous afterwards, almost like how I feel under sleep deprivation. It usually passes after a few minutes.

630 PM - Vibrated the Ganesha mantra for 24 minutes, followed by the Muladhara mantra for 24 minutes. I can definitely feel the vibrations throughout my entire pelvic region, and when I am done my whole lower area is warm and tingly.

End of praxis.

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11/6/20

Day 76:

'Twas a good day.

10 AM - Chakra exercise and blue flame meditation. Everything seems to still be flowing well. Still having difficulty with not blinking during the blue flame meditation due to the dryness in my environment. It seems to bother my right eye in particular.

130 PM - Ritual 1 of Success Magick. Today’s repetition did not produce the nauseous feeling. I’m still feeling conflicted about it for some reason, even though synchronicity abounds, and some readings by forum members have said the outcome will be favourable.

Maybe I’m just scared.

630 PM - I sent my legion of servitors out on another task. They succeeded beyond my expectations on the last one, bringing me a book that was lost in the mail three weeks ago.

8 PM - Vibration of Ganesha mantra for 24 minutes, and Muladhara mantra for 24 minutes. I ended up only doing the mantra for the Muladhara chakra for ten minutes due to a sudden cramp in my lower back that I could not rectify.

End of praxis.

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