Wow!!! Your very brave this is very inspiring.I also have depression. So speaking out like you have done is hard for me so I can only imagine the courage you have to be able to write this. I hope everything worked out well for you.
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17/6/22
Meditation and the high vibration mantra.
Felt really down today, after another night of restless sleep. Thinking of maybe starting to track dreams to see if there is anything visiting that might be causing my subconscious to kick up a fuss, or if I’m journeying unconsciously. Also going to cut down on the amount of binaural tracks I meditate to.
No adventures of note.
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18/6/22
Felt better today. Morning practices, and high vibration, and psychic powers mantras. Resumed the unlocking operation I began a week ago, with Metatron. He placed his fingertips to my temples and gave me a little zap. Nothing like a bit of electroshock therapy lol
Meditated to only one binaural track. Will see if sleep will improve.
In the evening, I performed a healing ritual via pathworking for a friend, with the archangel Raphael and the Shem angel Mahasiah.
End of the day’s adventures.
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19/6/22
Morning practice, mantras and meditations.
I’ve been noticing an uptick in things flitting through my field of vision. When I’m reading, or on the computer, i will become aware of movement, but when I look up, there is nothing there, not even a bug. It’s a bit disconcerting sometimes, because the movement will happen again once I look away. I feel like I’m being pranked by something 
The adventures are never-ending in a magical life lol
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20/6/22
Morning practice, mantras and meditation. Threw in some energy work too.
I’m been mainly using the high vibration and enhancing psychic powers mantras. I can’t seem to decide which mantra to move to next, so it’s kind of a holding pattern for now. I’m thinking of possibly replacing the high vibration mantra with the god-elf invocation mantra instead, but the high vibration mantra feels very comfortable and is almost a habit now. I even vibrate it quietly while watching a movie sometimes.
Next up in my unlocking operation was Raphael. He placed a hand upon my heart and I felt energy flow into my chest, and then up into my head. I have no particular order in mind for the seven archangels so I am just going by intuition.
Onward to adventure.
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21/6/22
More mantras and meditation. Did some chakra work as well with one of EA’s exercises.
I’ve been working with Neville Goddard’s Lullaby method for the last month or so to try to get a handle on my mental game. I feel the only thing really holding me back from fully embodying my god-sate is my own self imposed limitations. It can be paralyzing to know you really can have anything you want, that you, and only you, are the ultimate power of your reality.
I’ve been musing on intention lately. In magick, a lot of people like to believe intention is the only thing that matters, but the one thing they never seem to tell you, however, is that sometimes, the universe doesn’t give a shit about your intention. In his book, The Elements of Spellcrafting, Jason Miller talks about a student who was performing a Jupiter invocation, but felt depressed and out of sorts. When Miller observed the student, he saw that he was drawing the invoking pentagram of Saturn, instead of the invoking pentagram of Jupiter. Now, the students intention was to invoke Jupiter, and the invocation and prayer were all about Jupiter, yet, because he was drawing the wrong pentagram, he got the energy of Saturn instead, despite what he intended.
In another example, from Miller, in his new book Consorting with Spirits, he talks about how, when he performed the Abramelin Operation, the first thing the angel asked him was what tool he was going to use to call and bind the demons. When Miller told the angel that he “didn’t believe in angels and demons as a dichotomy” so he wasn’t going to do that, the angel told him bluntly, “It doesn’t really matter what you believe, Jason. You must do this or you life will go to shit.”
It seems there is a limit to the power of belief and intention. Sometimes, the universe just says, “no.”
And the adventures continue.
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Did Mr. Miller list a sigil for the Customer Service Department in either of those tomes?
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Sadly, no, he did not. 
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This was a really good post. 
Update. You really knocked it out of the ball park here 
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22/6/22
Morning practice, mantras, meditation, and energy work.
I’ve dropped the energetic attachment mantra for the time being, and have started to begin my chanting with the god-self invocation mantra instead. We’ll see what happens.
I’ve developed some kind of irritation in my right eye which is making it difficult to see, and focus. Even with the eye closed, it tears up, making my nose run, so it is impossible to properly vibrate my mantras, and any bright light sends a spear of pain flashing through my skill. Walking outside in the sunlight is like repeatedly stabbing myself in the head. I’ve begun some direct energy work to try and clear it up, and will be calling up Raphael as well.
And the adventures never end.
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23/6/2
Morning practice, mantras, meditation, and energy work.
Petitioned Raphael for his aid in healing my eye condition, and called Michael, as next in my unlocking operation. He appeared in golden armour and stuck his sword into my head ( I seem to either get stabbed or bitten a lot in these aspect unlocking rituals for some reason ).
Continuing the Goddard Lullaby method before sleep. It seems to be having an effect on my reality, but it’s still too early to tell for certain. I feel my day to day mindset has improved though.
And the adventures continue.
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24/6/22 and 25/6/22
Morning practice, mantras, and meditation.
There has been a substantial improvement in my eye condition, thanks to archangel Raphael, but it is not yet 100% back to normal. It still tears up in bright light, and remains red from irritation., but it is no longer tearing enough to make me have to wipe my nose every five minutes, so that’s a plus.
I’m beginning to get a sense of something shifting in my reality. I’ve been catching glimpses of the air sort of wavering, like when heat rises from the pavement on a really hot day. I don’t have any idea of what, exactly, might be shifting, but only an intuition that things are being set in motion.
And the adventures go on.
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26/6/22 & 27/6/22
The usual adventures, meditation and mantras. The attachment mantra and the psychic powers mantra have become almost automatic now, and I sometimes find myself chanting them absentmindedly when engaging in other tasks. I haven’t quite committed the god-self invocation mantra to the same level of memory yet though.
The adventures and musings continue.
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29/6/22
It was a relaxed day. I chanted my mantras in a less disciplined, more casual, way while doing other things, like watching a movie.
Successfully manifested some money. I had been told it would take somewhere between four to six weeks to process my tax return because of a backlog, but I got my refund within ten days of filing, and approximately two days after I made the specific intention to manifest it.
It’s interesting to note, even with having evidence that our consciousness can directly influence the world around us, how remarkably easy it is to forget, and to fall into habitual thought patterns of powerlessness and “being at the mercy of circumstance.” I’ve noticed a similar pattern with myself when it comes to magick. I have a tendency to only reach for my wand when I can’t “think” my way out of a situation, instead of using it regularly to help the entire adventure of life flow more smoothly.
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30/6/22
Energetic attachment and psychic power mantras and meditation to a theta binaural.
Haniel was next in my unlocking operation. He put his forehead to mine, and I felt a gentle flow of energy move into my head. It was very soft.
Thirty days have passed since I began my 100 day manifesting challenge. No major goals have appeared, but I’ve been able to bring in several small intentions into my reality, and maintain a fairly playful attitude most days.
The adventures continue.
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1/7/22 and 2/7/22
Meditation and mantras, as usual. I keep forgetting to do my morning practice, though, turning to the internet pretty much as soon as I wake up. It’s a habit I’m going to work on breaking.
Gabriel was next in my unlocking operation. His energy gave me a slight headache, but he was pleasant enough, if a little taciturn.
No other adventures of note.
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3/7/22
Mantras, meditations, and musings.
Woke up with a quote from the Book of Azazel running through my head: “You ask me if I am real? I am as real as the world around you, which isn’t very real at all.” In making this statement, the grand demon seems to be echoing the teachings of spiritual traditions as disparate as Neville Goddard, and the Course in Miracles.
The Course in Miracles posits that consciousness is what creates the physical world we experience, and that we never really see the world as it is, but only how we think it to be. Neville Goddard, a mystic who had out of body experiences, and visions of angels, later in his life, taught that "the world and all within it is man’s conditioned consciousness objectified,"and that through the judicious use of imagination, man can build his world as he wishes to experience it.
The Book of Azazel states that the “Infernal hierarchy is as follows: the Operator, and then everything else,” positioning the magician as the god of his reality. Neville Goddard, using Biblical imagery, identifies man’s imagination as the Christ Within, writing in his book Awakened Imagination that “Imagination is the very gateway to reality,” and “The Eternal Body of Man is the Imagination: that is God himself, the Divine body,” In other words, it is through the application of his imagination that man becomes as God of his world.
Very different traditions, but the central idea is the same: God is our consciousness, making us the operant power.
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8/7/22
I’ve been feeling pretty low recently, and took several days away from all magick, including my mantra work, so there wasn’t anything worth entering in this journal until now. I resumed my normal practices today, with the energetic attachment, psychic powers, and spiritual perfection mantras.
Sandalphon was next in my unlocking operation. His energy felt very stable, and grounding. When I asked him to unlock the part of my mind he was associated with, he handed me a scroll, and when I unrolled it and looked at it, I saw some Hebrew letters, which then rose up from the parchment, and entered my eyes. I felt a soothing energy flow through my head. It was probably the most unique way my mind has conceptualized the unlocking so far.
The adventures begin anew.
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9/7/22
Energetic attachment mantra, enhancing psychic powers mantra, and the spiritual perfection mantra, each for about twenty minutes. Meditation to a theta binaural track for an hour.
It occurred to me that the spiritual perfection mantra just might be the most powerful mantra I’ve channelled. It creates a profound effect on the spiritual bodies and brings notice from the higher planes. I think, with continued use, and focused commitment, it could possibly lead to Ascension directly. A subtle secret hiding in plain sight.
Onward to adventure.
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10/7/22
Mantras, and meditation, as usual.
Not a lot to report from my daily adventures. My awareness has been heightened a bit, and I’m still seeing movement in my periphery all the time. There is a sense of something drawing near, but whether it is something in the real world, or something spiritual, I don’t know. I’ve had a similar feeling before, as I’ve mentioned in earlier posts in this journal, but I can never seem to tie it to anything specific, even in hindsight.
The adventures continue.
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