Today I reached out to Qadim (قديم) , more out of some kind of urgency and rather spontaneous. Before I went into a trance like state I could hear the repitition of the word “mada(a)r” ( مدار ) and was already wondering about that one.
After hitting the right state of trance I found myself floating lazily on an air bed in the middle of a dimly lit indoor pool. As nice as this visualization was: I had to look for Qadim. I wouldn’t find that one at a pool, out of all places. Or so I thought until a young woman with short brown hair and a red swimsuit entered the room. She looked at me with dark brown and round eyes and I decided that I probably should not assume what the “right spot” for a Jinn is and what isn’t.
Qadim walked towards the ladder of the pool and slowly climbed into the water; I stayed on my mattress because I wasn’t sure if entering the water would break the trance. Qadim kept her distance towards me and I rambled away. About the unlocking. But also about a different kind of help that I am currently in need of. Time. I need time.
She made her way towards me, swimming effortlessly through the water. She smiled. “I swim and yet I am not drowning or dissolving”. Apparently. “You are set alight. And yet you are not scorched” . I wondered if she was referring to something that I am actively holding up since the end of February. She was right, in this case.
She came closer and told me: “Be the source of your own destruction. And after that: come back.” With that she dived under my mattress and pushed me off. I fell into the pool, sinking deep with no way up. The water filled my nostrils up to my head; I felt as if the water was bursting out of my skull as a violet light. (I did Sahasrara meditations, yesterday. With a very similar sensation). The visualization ended.
Time. Madar. Cycles. “Source of your own destruction”, getting right into the danger zone. Ah, shit. Here we go.