I just want to know I hear so much of demonic entities fucking people over if it is a demon I want to be at least informed about it to have some control of it information is a important know you’re enemy
It has probably some connection to shadows like for example I imagine it as a humanoid shadow
How are we supposed to answer this question when nowhere in any of your posts have you even mentioned “UmbraSui” as something other than your username? You will have to provide more detailed information before we could even hazard a guess.
Neither 
… as it’s your username, and is Latin for “to be shadow”.
Your avatar online is merely a label you give yourself. I would caution against identifying too hard with labels. This is a thing you use to communicate your values with other humans, but it’s a thing you have, not what you are.
Imo what you are is a higher being incarnate as a human. Not a lesser entity, (and I don’t believe in “demons“) and far more than any dark side alone, which by definition is incomplete and not a whole being.
Yes I think understanding is the antidote to fear, and I don’t think you want to be so afraid of yourself. Fear makes you weak. Know thyself. Do your shadow work and accept who you are on all levels.
When you know why you react to things the way you do, then you have mastered yourself, and that brings self control.
Understand why you carry the energies you do as the human you are now, and then try to remember who you have been in as many incarnations as you can find before. That’s my approach anyway.
I understand that you think it’s only my profile I haven’t given that much information about why my early life was not the best I never had much confidence on school I was sexually abused because I had never defend my boundaries in those years I got a depression in that time got bullied on the next after that I noticed a change in myself I don’t know what but I trust my intuition that’s when my personality got bad I didn’t feel much I just felt numb and I couldn’t feel the feelings of others feeling like I couldn’t trust anyone and that is how I described it as a alter ego for when I was feeling down
That sounds like a perfectly valid way to handle those experiences. Compartmentalizing them keeps you emotionally safe and in control, and that’s huge and useful.
The downside can be that if you define yourself as only those parts of you who went through terrible times, that can be limiting in ways you don’t find helpful. You can end up saying things like “oh I don’t do that” because it doesn’t fit the box you put yourself in, and then you can end up losing out. Not that I assume you’re doing that It’s just something I have done.
I would suggest looking into psychology, maybe Complex Post Traumatic Stress or CPTSD to help unravel what’s going on. It’s also just very interesting in it’s own right. If you recognise your history in this then there are tools to help you out and to get healing.
The advantage as a mage of this healing is you become whole, or “holy” and this is an important part of the ascension and hence developing your ability and skills and a magickian.
Yes I have gone to a psychiatrist that checked me for PTSD but the only thing that she found was a depression and I still have anti depressiva and it is easier than then because it was around six years ago
Yeah, in my experience, if you’re not talking to someone who’s walked a mile in your shoes they are not going to be very useful, and you should immediately walk away. They have no clue and cannot relate, they’re simply incapable of it without the experience. Also they are paid on drugging you rather than helping you.
I really do recommend you become your own advocate, learn as much as you can, introspect, have people to talk to to support you, and treat specialists with suspicion until they earn some trust with actually intelligent and supportive responses. Trust yourself and demand better, given you’re paying these people you deserve that.
Yes they get paid to drug you in America yes but I live in the Netherlands