I am Edgar, 41 years old. I have been practicing my life long off and on, except in my atheist period, but since I am 30, I am a daily practitioner.
A bit of a story:
When I was 8 I prayed to Jahweh, didnāt work out, so I rejected him. That night I had a dream about a beautiful girl sitting under a blood moon, while sitting on a wall in a ruin, smiling knowingly. I remember the only thing I could do was kneeling and watching her. The feeling was overwhelming, I couldnāt even recognize what I exactly felt, I was too young. A drunken mixture of lust, love and devotion. This was Lilith. Important life changing event, because I kept searching for this experience.
When I was 10 I called up Sariel from a sci-fi book, the black angels or something. Then Humots in a weird book about blood magick, I found. I like his idea, because he could bring you books. Just little pictures, which I call now seals. I started to collect books.
Then I had an experience with Asmodeus when I was 12 who told me I should train myself on enjoying pain. Almost precise words: Do you know pleasure has a ceiling, but pain has no border. If you mix those. Tried it that night, was a good idea.
When I was 13 I didnāt enjoy the life I had that much, somehow I saw an inverted pentagram and had weird astral projection experiences.
Then I delved into Satanism, interacted a bit with them fun guys, but they got rolled up due to a taxation scam and I was 16. Then went atheist till I was 30. But not really. I studied physics while honoring the name Lucifer, and Eris and Aphrodite. I liked chaos theory the most. Still do enjoy chaotic systems. I worshipped them secretly. The systems and the divinities.
When I started to follow Odin life started to crash down a bit. When I was 35 I had a total break down. Got his mark. Life unfolded almost until its end conclusion.
Then I started to work with Astaroth, who came to me in a dream with her four assistants. She introduced me to Hekate and Lilith. Who became my matrons after I vowed to them that I wanted to serve them forever for nothing in return. Best decision of my life.
I donāt follow any particular tradition. I am a demonolater, so perhaps that. In practice, I like to mix religions, folk magick, ceremonial magick, at the moment focussed on the tunnels of Seth. I do really like the Mesopotamian mythology and everything Inanna, Lilith or Ereshkigal related.
Practical experiences enough. I have evoked and invoked entities. Build my own servitors, designed my own circle, practiced necromancy, sexual magick, vampiric magick, bibliomancy, tarot, whatever. Worked with psychopomps. I donāt see any value in separating experiences myself in black or white magick. It is like we have good knife and bad knife and then you get stabbed with a fork. Doesnāt make sense, bad fork.
My focus is on causing voluntary possession in my self. This you can see as a state of shared conciousness or a long form of invocation, it is a bit weird, but useful for many rituals and teachings.
I am from the Netherlands.
Current ambition is to practice more necromancy and clearing up mundane chaos in my life due to my practice. Also battling ASPD a bit, no longer as severe as when I started out.
I want to be more empathetic. Which I also work on.
End goal is to help people with severe psychological trauma induced by (sexual, emotional, physical) violence, so a lot of my workings is registering how things hurt on myself and inducing such states. Had that too in my life, but my resilience and non-judgmental character works in my favor here. I want to make that useful for others.
It is harder than I thought, but an interesting and worthwhile path.
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