TY for books. Will check and read them.
I practice some kind of tools magick (year and half). Like candle, tarot, oracle, etc. But the whole time while doing this kind of things I felt like something is calling me, pulling to kind of “dark magick”. Like I dont know what I could know. I’ve felt it not only during doing such things but it was even less recognisable. As for now, it feels more like LHP. But at that time I wasn’t able to recognize where I must go, be.
So I’ve been searching where I’m attracted to. And I’ve found Belial. Read a lot about him, about people’s experience working with him. I felt I’ve found what I was searching for all this time.
While reading, I’ve found He is also good with doing shadow work. And… I’ve lost my energy and self-esteem a lot. Lost what I’ve always had since birth. I’ve got through a lot. But I always used to be strong and had my own mindset. Even when I was at my bottom, I was never on my knees and even laying on the ground I was always with smile of lookin down at whom was trying to break me. And I didn’t care I was the only one on the ground. It really doesn’t matter cuz I was the one that allowed that to happen. I’ve used it to hit back, even stronger, less expectable. Things were always this way. But I’ve lost it. I want to bring back myself, become stronger. I want Belial to help me with that. Guide me, teach me, be next to me.
I want to increase my intuition and other senses too. It’s good enough already. Enough that my family had a pretension on me when I only once didn’t appear in time, as I always do. I’m always near when somebody wants to contact me, always there on time when I must be. Without any matter, just feel it. Sometimes I went to my grandma when she’s handed a phone to call me. And I didn’t even remember how I went to her room.
I’ve also felt somebody’s watching me and heard my name so real that I’ve asked my family why they are calling me. But they were all asleep. Despite that I’ve seen some kind of shadows a lot. They were in move, floating on the room beside me. And I have nor good imagination, neither schizophrenia. So maybe it were also calls.
I will search more info here and will know better what kind of magick better suits my vision and myself. I’ve also decided to do one thing which matters me a lot. I’m in process making my grimoire. As a tribute to Belial, I draw his sigil on the cover. I’m learning calligraphy just to write here. I want to made it not only filled with useful information but also put my own time to do it as best as I can. Hope He will like it.
Eventually I’ve already have a lot, just need to teach the tools, gain knowledge and go straight my own path.
