I’ll skip the boring parts and get right into it.
I was working with enochian magick and found out that I have a shadow aspect that’s been running most parts of my life regarding my behaviors and reactions.
I called it “the inner threat analyst” due to its nature of always looking out for threats. I’m fairly confident that everyone has that built-in mechanism more or less.
The issue is it has taken matters to it’s own hand and, has been always hard at work. It is always and always sizing things up and analysing every way something can go wrong. It looks like “the inner critic” at times but I realized it’s goal is to prevent me from any emotional pain at all cost. It’s approach is for me to basically become perfect (literally) or avoid any situation till I become one. By the way, this aspect specialize only in strictly social situation (especiallywith opposite sex). It does not interfere at work.
You see, I obviously cannot fulfill it’s wish (to be perfect). I think the lack of feelings of safety in my childhood gave life to that aspect. I’m gonna try mediating into it’s origin and try to heal it in the past.
It’d be very interesting to hear your take on this topic. And of course, any suggestion to deal with it would be much appreciated.
He’s talking about a shadow aspect of his own unconscious mind.
In this case it’s a part of the psyche operating as a defense mechanism to protect him from emotional pain.
From the sound of it, since it’s a very strong defense mechanism there’s likely some moment or moments that created a very strong negative impression upon the OP. Because of this, a part of himself is dead-set on preventing that kind of pain from happening again.
Best of luck. You got this!
There might be a key here I think.
Considering the other statement, perhaps this is related to a female figure or figures in your youth?
Someone who gave you feelings of rejection for not meeting some expectations and was very harsh to you? (I’m just guessing here)
Talk to your shadow, ask the “why” for the way it’s fiercly protecting you. Especially the social situation. If you don’t remember what might’ve triggered it, your shadow probably does.
I agree with @crookedpathfinder, your need for “perfection” is a defense mechanism to avoid failure or pain. You will never be perfect, that is the trap of the mindset. You will always find something wrong no matter how much you improve. I have a friend who got caught up in that trap and he is 36, single, and a virgin. Because no relationship was ever perfect. He reached for impossible goals knowing he could never achieve them which prevented him from being hurt or being in a situation that he is uncomfortable with. This is a self confidence shadow, and the more work you do on improving your self-confidence the easier it will be to put yourself in situations where you will fail.
Your points on my own description just gave me the answer. I wasn’t sure till you pointed them out. It was my mother who was on one side very loving and caring to the point of smothering. And on the other hand, molded me to be “the nice guy”. That created a massive split within my psyche.
I wanna be free and at the same time please my “inner mother”. That aspect is afraid of the rejection from the “inner mother” I think.
@Void_Angel, I believe you are right. There are other parts that are really confident and bold. For example, when leading at work or discussing interesting topics with whoever.
I think that particular aspect needs to stand up to my “inner mother” and say no.
Thank you everyone. I have successfully integrated the “inner threat analyst”. I followed Teal Swan’s shadow work process with a couple of improvisations.
I directly called that aspect by naming it’s attributes. I assured him I’m completely with him in this and I’m here to help integrate him without judgement.
I encouraged him to show up completely and go back to it’s timeline of origin.
Turned out, he was tired of pleasing authority especially my mother and of feeling guilty.
I comforted him for as long as he needed. Then, took him to a place of his choosing; the land of heroes. Avengers mostly (whatever rocks his boat, right )
He wanted to be free from having to please and wanted to do what he wants and not feel bad about it.
He wanted to be initiated into the avengers and encouraged by them. Big alchemy moment of emotions. He asked me to play the avengers theme (bless his heart)
After that, he was finally at peace and agreed to integrate. I am feeling no resistance from him anymore.
Matter of fact, I am feeling unconditional confidence.
s -
any thoughts on the shadow topic?
= judgement and demons right…
(bless his heart)