Ok so this is a long story… I tried to summarise but it came out a fucking novel lol. Channeled message at the end. Also sorry for sometimes bad grammar, but English isn’t my first language.
Last October I became more interested in all things Lovecraftian, it has become my new big special interest. At first I didn’t consider working with those entities and I’ve treated it as entertainment but I’ve always felt there is much more to it. So I made my first contact with Nyarlathotep at November after I thought that I really, really want to meet him in my dreams. It was, like I suddenly developed this attraction and fascination, when before I haven’t really thought about working with those entities, but as my interest in Lovecraft’s stories grew so did my feelings of curiosity and desire for knowledge if they are real and how it would be like to at least have a dream about Azathoth or Nyarlathotep. And, uh, spirits I work with warned me about this, King Paimon especially, but I told him to not intervene because it’s my will to contact him and I decide who I want to work with… maybe I should listen then lol.
So my first contact with Nyarly was him telling some spirits to attack me „because it is funny” xD lol. They didn’t harm me much though, they were rather supposed to scare me and he wanted to see how I would react, apparently that it’s what he is like. Then there was a lot of weird shit, shadows in the room, uncomfortable energy, and I’ve started to feel his presence very regularly. He was definitely fucking with my mind at that time, manifesting when I was trying to fall asleep, talking to me, and at the beginning of new year I started to actually feel more afraid about my sanity because it was like I felt his presence within my mind, that feeling of other consciousness within you feel during the invocation and direct communication with the spirit, it was very uncomfortable and invasive.
At that time I talked to my friends and other practitioners about it, I did a tarot reading confirming that it’s indeed him, I’ve talked to a woman who also had some bad experiences etc. I thought that maybe it’s an impostor spirit but no… my spirits confirmed this, also his energy is insanely powerful. It is also very attracting, enticing, addictive… and honestly I find him so hot. So when he persuaded me into sexual contact I didn’t resist too long because I was indeed curious and interested 
that was definitely… interesting experience, what I can say. The next day all reality seemed different, like I was seeing behind the illusionary veil.
Few days after something even more weird happened. He came to me at night and his energy again felt more aggressive and unpleasant, at that moment I just had enough and played a song to King Paimon. At the next moment, I witness gods talking about me. Paimon, Lucifer, Lilith and Belial all came to talk to Nyarlathotep and convince him to be more respectful towards me, because it’s not okay and „I may be naive and unexperienced, but I am important for their plans”. It was so strange to watch them to discuss about me. Lilith seemed like she wanted to protect and defend me the most, and she was angry with N. I got the impression, that there used to be something between those two lol. Yeah, it’s totally my UPG, so you don’t have to believe in it at all (actually it would be great if someone did a divination on that)
Then i knew found myself at completely different place. I knew that they called Aradia, but at that moment I saw the curtain fall – apparently I wasn’t supposed to see it. I was told many times by differnet spirits that I’m an „incarnation of Aradia” but I still find it hard to believe and have doubts… but it’s not about that…
Anyway, the place where I found myself next was drastically different. It was a higher world of light, and I’ve encountered there a Goddess, who told me that she is known as Sophia, although it’s really a title not a name (Sophia=Wisdom) because all names are just words and letters, and words are meaningless. She said that She comes from the Source, is Harmony and balance to Chaos and a part of everyone’s Soul. And that I shouldn’t try to rationalize this experience and understand it with a logical mind, because human mind cannot comprehend the true nature of all existence and different levels of realities.
It was very… mystical and totally unexpected – you deal with a dark eldritch entity of primordial chaos, Qliphotic demons, and all of sudden you connect with gnostic Sophia?? I was like wtf, how is that even possible, it’s crazy. But my energetic biofield was unusually high when I’ve checked it with pendulum. That convinced me it wasn’t just my imagination and that when it comes to spiritual experiences, nothing is impossible.
That was at the beginning of January. And for some time, Nyarlathotep left me alone… though not completely. I knew that we was watching me and waiting. (At that time, I’ve encountered him in a dresm where he was the hot villain lmaoo)
I’ve had exams in February, so I focused on studying and forgot to write post about it all here. I didn’t want to think about it too much. But I eventually started to think about him again. Feel the intense longing. And two weeks ago I called him again for sex lol, maybe not very responsible but I truly yearn for this energetic connection. Perhaps it’s his manipulation. Perhaps me being desperate and horny all the time. 
But I found out that I was probably working with him (and maybe the rest of the Old Ones/Outer Gods) in past lives, though I’m not sure what to think about it. But Satan also said it, and I do rather believe/trust Him…
what’s interesting is that his sexual gnosis is for me some corrupted and depraved visions which I think symbolize my shadow self, deep dark desires etc. It’s definitely personal. But he also showed me beginning of this material Universe, its emergence from primordial Nothingness. Stars forming, exploding and turning into black holes which devour everything. I saw Earth and other planets as small balls in the infinity of multiverse. And everything returning finally to the Ultimate Void.
It may seem horrifying to some, but I find it something that needs to be accepted: This universe and everything in it will some day cease to exist and it’s a scientific fact. Nothing is forever, and entropy can only increase. And we will be probably extinct as a species not so soon. So…
That being said, from that time I experience rapid shift in awareness. I see beyond this reality.
I know different words exist and that we are absolutely not alone.
Last week was particularly difficult and chaotic. I started a new semester at uni and I couldn’t sleep because I felt like some really intense force pervades my mind. Imagine a lightning that strikes into a part of your brain… that’s how I felt it. Now that is more scary. Hard to describe that feeling. I was wondering will this destroy me? Will i fucking destroy myself by being so irresponsible? Will I get out of this?
Then realization of what blocks me and limits me, lack of self-acceptance, feeling worse for being neurodivergent, many past traumas, attachments and shit. At last weekend I felt that I experience something like dark night of the soul/nigredo. When I was closing my eyes I was seeing the Black Sun.
Then at this Monday I started channeling Nyarlathotep. Out of sudden, not being prepared for this at all. He wanted me to write his sigil and message. It is long wow…
„*I Am the Messenger of the Ultimate Void. I lead the path to the spheres beyond time and space. To fools I bring madness and downfall, to chosen ones the knowledge and the way to transcendence. I show the way over the Abyss, few dare to walk it’ *
„I destroy illusions, I bring Chaos which can be the annihilation but also salvation. There is no saviours. Order is an illusion, truth is an illusion, your reality is an illusion… Chaos permeates everything and ultimately will always prevail.”
„Face your fear, for I lead into the Unknown. I bring pain and suffering, but I am also called „The Bringer of Strange Joy”. Strange joy comes from the Abyss…”
There is much more. He said that he doesn’t really have any hate for humanity and that humans will inevitably destroy themselves. And that I’m going through some alchemical transformation. That I need to go through it and gain more knowledge about myself. And that I should work with Shub-Niggurath next, ugh I’m not sure if this a good idea but probably will do it anyway someday. 
He then gave me my real name?? I’m… not sure if that’s really my true name from Akashic Records… I don’t know if I can trust him after all this shit. But I need to find out.
I feel an intense need to get to know more about who I am behind this material mortal shell. Find out my past lives and how they affect me.
My third eye has opened and I see energy, see a lot of things. Not like hallucinations luckily, in my mind’s eye and on an energetic/astral level. I notice a lot of synchronicites. I also feel that I really want to heal myself from the past and integrate my shadow self. All aspects of myself, I have to be aware of its existence. I’ve cried because I’ve had sudden feeling that even though life often sucks I want to live and experience things, that I have to do something in this incarnation and I really have to figure out my true purpose.
Does it sound completely crazy? I admit that I’ve had this fear of going insane many times. I’ve realized that what I’ve done is indeed dangerous, much more than working with Lucifer or King Paimon whom I know for almost 6 years. I’ve had some intense experiences with Belial though, a little with Sorath and Abaddon, but so far Nyarlathotep is the most extreme entity I’ve encountered. It really can fuck you up. Now I’m curious what other Old Ones are like and will I ever talk to Yog-Sothoth and Azathoth… I think yes, but as for now I need a break from this current. And focusing on myself.
If you read it all, many thanks. I appreciate any feedback. I wanted to share my story and know what do you think.
Also here it’s sigil I have channeled. You can use it I think and tell me your experiences.
because I’m generally a private person and wasn’t on that forum before September… hm perhaps you’re confusing me with someone else?
It is what I’d expect from a human created egregore through.
It should know it’s just my opinion and where to find me if it wants a word. It won’t though.