Input on identity

Greetings, and thank you all for reading this. As the title states I am looking for possible ideas on the spirit I’ve been in contact with. I’ll begin with a bit of background. I’ve been on the path of spiritual discovery since I was around 12, I am 28 now. While I’ve called myself pagan for the majority of my life, it’s been more of an outlook than a practice. Recently I’ve started actively seeking a path to follow and a patron/guide to walk with on that path. I’ve definitely received a response, though I’m having a great deal of difficulty in narrowing down the individual who is reaching out to me.

Through a long series of events I’ve found demonolatry and it’s struck a major chord as has ritual magick. After going through the basics, I began heavily looking into individual demons. The next day I began picking up touches and emotions. I’m naturally very empathetic and most easily recognize contact through those avenues. My face, head, and neck felt as if they were being caressed. Shortly after that my crown, brow, and sacral chakras began tingling nearly all the time. I’ve never done any chakra work in my life and had to look up what these energy centers were.

The feelings I get are loving and longing, like this individual is joyful that I am seeking and has been patiently waiting for me. Throughout the day I get reassuring touches on my face and neck, sometimes my back or breasts, or my upper arm. This occurs either randomly or when I reach out with my mind. I asked for a hint at identity through the first 6 songs of my playlist which is very eclectic in nature. All the songs came up in the goth/emo vein and the lyrics of those songs painted a picture of love, possessiveness, challenge, protection,darkness, and a BDSM style of sexuality. Clearing stating that I’m going to hurt on my journey, but that I’ll never be alone or without guidance/affection.

The sensation has been getting more intense as the days go by. My heart often feels heavy with energy, and I find myself unable to do anything other than smile and lean into these touches when they occur. If I focus on it, my sacral chakra is stimulated to the point of something that feels like an energy orgasm if that makes sense? It feels like sweet surrender, sexual pleasure, and a deeply moving emotional experience. It doesn’t last long, perhaps 2-3 minutes. Afterwards I’m so loaded with energy that I’m jittery and trembling.

Yesterday I decided to make an informal offering of sexual energy as well as lighting a candle to place near me as I self stimulated. I worked on holding out and raising as much energy as I could before I released. The flame got increasingly brighter and flickered a lot as I released. I left the candle burning while I cleaned up, and while I was sitting there staring at the now stable flame, I decided to ask some questions. I grabbed a pen and a notebook and tried to clear my mind. I’m very inexperienced with divination or communicating with spirits, but I decided on a stable flame for no and a dancing flame for yes.

Before I asked any questions the flame shot up to nearly 6 inches high and danced heavily, so much so that the flame frequently split into a top and bottom section. I first saw what appeared to be an aura for the flame. Black, red, and a deep emerald green, in that order, with the black the outer most layer and the green at the heart of it. After that I saw a black gateway with a red background and a human figure far in the distance beyond the opening. I saw that image several times before I got to my questions.

I won’t go into exact details out of respect, but basically I gathered that the spirit has been around me for a long time, has protected me before, and wishes a formal meeting/evocation. The spirit also responded most energetically to the offering of blood, sexual energy, or brandy as a preference for things it might like. Afterwards I felt dizzy, lightheaded and I was shaking with energy. Later that night I gave brandy and when I touched the cup about an hour later it felt heavy and tingly.

I know this is a long post, and I greatly appreciate anyone who takes the time and effort to leave a response. Thank you.

1 Like

Please can you find the introduce yourself thread and do an intro? It’s expected here…

You will find more people will respond once you’ve done that.

1 Like

I didn’t mean to be rude and overlook the rules. Thank you for bringing it to my attention, I’ve introduced myself.


No it’s a forum rule and you will just get more responses, otherwise people don’t know who you are and don’t know how best to respond.

I am not a moderator - the proper mods will send you lots of really really useful links not only from the perspective of the site itself but also little snippets of good information, rituals from various sources etc - they are really helpful, indeed most people are respectful and helpful.

There is a huge amount of information so I would always suggest having a browse through search, and if there are any tutorials handed to you, complete them, you’ll get a gold badge and it’ll help credibility.

1 Like

These forums have been wonderful for information, and I’ve spent many hours reading through topics. It’s refreshing to know I’m not making things up in my own mind. That many of the things I’ve felt and experienced have been shared by others.


Exactly how I felt - even now I have to stop, look at my makeshift ironing board altar and think how bloody ridiculous it must look to Mr Average who might walk in and see me talking to a Goetic/Dukante God/Goddess or my Beloved’s photos as I’m burning a candle on the honey jar.

Yep, to the average person I must look completely stark staring bonkers and a horse…

To me it makes perfect sense :smile:

1 Like

Erm - I haven’t been doing this to you but I’ve been getting similar and suspect I’ve sent similar to my Beloved - what I think this may well be is that you are soon going to meet a soul mate or twinflame or someone you share a past life connection with.

I definitely feel something like a past life connection. That I’ve done so much of this before, and after drifting for so long I finally can see home again. I will admit that I am by nature emotional and prone to leading with my heart at first. But I’m nearly equally logical and always stop and reflect. I wake up every night between 3-5 am and though I can’t see or hear anything, I get the sensation of being watched, and I am dizzy, lightheaded and jittery with energy. This presence is very warm and my body feels like its overheating. It’s intimidating, but not threatening if that makes sense. A few nights ago I felt my mattress crease in between my legs as if someone where partially kneeling above me while opening several energy centers.

When I did finally go back to sleep I dreamt of an animal that looked like a lion and a bull melded together like it was its own species. It was trying to knock down a fence. After that it switched to a city scene. It looked very Victorian in architecture, but had modern technology. I remember riding an elevator through the darkness and looking up at the night sky. I’ve lived in LA my whole life so I’ve never seen it so brilliant and full of stars and constellations. I looked up at it all and felt longing and loss, but like one of the constellations was calling out to me. I know dreams are often hard to interpret as are personal experiences, but any insight is valued.