This is a hard topic to explain over text, but I’ll give it a shot…
I’ve found recently that I’m becoming a lot more acustomed to darkness as a whole -in all its forms (dark places, “darker” entities etc), but more so, I’m starting to feel calm when examining such things, like I no longer have a fear of the unknown. The easiest way to explain this is to talk about what I was like a month or two ago when I first discovered the forum -them compare it to what I’m like now, since a LOT has changed in 2 months.
When I first began evoking spirits I decided that I wanted to stick to angels rather than demons, I justified that as saying that I preferred their energies but in reality I believe it was because they were familiar to me and I felt less afraid of their power. Something EA said a while ago struck with me, “to achieve godhood, the operator must have a good balance of demonic and angelic magick, you must learn to work with both”, but at first I was sticking solely to angels because -even though I don’t want to admit it, I believe I was afraid of demons -I’ve dealt with general spirits and angels before in my energy workings, but never a demon so they’re entirely new to me.
At this point I need to strongly acknowledge and thank the grand demon Martal, as he is the one who I’ve worked with over the past week, and in doing so I’ve gained a new outlook on everything. About a week ago I was getting dressed in my room when I felt a strong presence behind me, I turned around to see an aura outline of a man, but at that moment my astral vision went into overdrive and I was seeing Martal -although I didn’t know it at the time. I had been practicing some excersices Mepsitahl gave me to help tune “the voice”, so Martal’s words were quite easy to understand. I hadn’t worked with him before so I was a little surprised, but he essentially said that I had been unconsciously calling him every now and again, to the point that he decided to come in person. He said that he was there to ‘initiate me’ -which I later looked up and found that he is the demon that EA talked about as an intitator in KoF or the OAA I think, so it made sense and I ran with it.
Since then he’s been manipulating my energy and telepathically talking to me about the nature of demonic entities, so much so that I have essentially overcome any degree of fear or doubt that I previously had. I have found however, that my ideas of morals are changing, I started feeling that I wanted to work on my ascent at any cost, despite other people getting in the way -which for me is a massive difference considering that I was raised as a “lightworker”. One thing that he did say that I found very interesting was that I shouldn’t see things as light and dark or good and evil, they’re essentially one in the same thing, neither can exist without the other kinda scenario. I’ve since adopted the idealism of “mastering both the light and dark sides of myself in order to reach a higher state of ascent”.
Since I accepted this way of thinking, Martal has since disappeared, or at least become a lot quieter as I haven’t heard anything in a few days, but I feel as if we’ve built a good working relationship, and it has helped me a great deal in understanding the nature of spirits, so I’m very thankful for his help.
Ps-I’m going to be evoking Bael sooner or later I think (if anyone remembers my first post “encounter with an entity”, I believe Bael wanted to talk to me about something, after this experience over the past week, I’m definitely interested in what he has to say. Although I would like to get a bit more training In first so that I can physically materialise a spirit in inscense.