In need of mentorship

General Discussion
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So, as some of the regulars here might remember, I recently experienced a traumatic separation from someone I loved very deeply. This caused me to enter somewhat of a tailspin, searching for answers, committing “dark” acts of magick to no avail, and even attempting to end my own life.

Throughout this experience, I have had the pleasure of recounting the many instances in my life in which the unleashing of raw emotional energy and directed will have brought changes I never could’ve foreseen (or, perhaps, I had, in a way). This directed me towards magickal study on various forums, in a multitude of books, and even conversations and shared ritual with an acolyte of Lilith whom suddenly entered my life.

That said, despite all I have learned, I am struggling to produce the results that matter most to me. A side effect seemingly of having been devalued and emasculated by said trauma. I suffered a complete mental breakdown, and quite frankly the darkness of my magickal attempts (despite having yet to see results) pushed me back to the Pentecostal belief system I grew up in for safety and self-assurance. Even throwing out all of my tools and sigils as an act of faith. However, I wish to again reclaim my power, and achieve the results I most desire.

Please don’t bore me with vague taglines, such as those about “not lusting for results” as I’ve truly been working on this. I do not think of myself as a novice, however I also know there is much for me to learn. I have practiced candle magick for a few years, and I believe I at least understand the basics of what is necessary to complete these rituals. But my belief has been shaken. My confidence broken. My curses seemingly fruitless. And my bounty seemingly withheld. So I find myself in need of an adept, or master who has experienced these pains to help guide my way back to greatness.

I am looking for both spiritual guidance, and for practical (efficacious) magick to perform. If anyone would choose to advise me, or assist me, it would be greatly appreciated. But please, know that I’m not in a great place lately, and I’m hesitant to even call upon spirits for aid again after the damage that was done to my mental state the last time.

Thank you, I pray you each find what you are looking for as well.

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@Lady_Eva I’ve come to respect your opinion as I’ve read your workings and perspective on this forum. Do you have any advice?

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Join A:.A:.

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Aether

Peace to you… I don’t mean to bother you, but I think that I remember reading some of your past posts, your mother was very manipulative and you had started working with Lord Bune? I apologize, I just thought that you would be okay.

I am sorry for your misfortune. At this point, I am not adept enough to offer you any more than support, or a Tarot reading if you would like to see about something. I also wish you well.

Diogenes

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IMO, what someone in your situation needs most is cleansening and an infusion of new energy. Crowley’s liber O is perfect for this, plus the middle pillar ritual and qabalistic cross. A folk just talked about a Rose Cross Ritual on other thread here, and it seems interesting, apparently it is a good ritual for protection and going invisible, something you need because people in your situation attract alot of ill-spirits, making things just worse.

If you dont like rituals, you could try herbs and sufumigations, but without the power to awake their latent virtues (properties), they wont really do much. Rituals like the LBRP and LIRP have the advantage of filling the entire room with energy, so you can draw alot more from that than from other methods.

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I think you need an action plan, I mean you may have one, or the outline of one, but once you know where you are, and approximately where you WANT to be in say 3 months, a year, that will help you get your mojo back and also, help heal the grieving of the unhappiness you’ve been through by giving it all meaning in your personal Hero’s Journey (I mean archetypally, in terms of how you can integrate what happened).

Understandable, and not even essential at this stage. :+1:

There is a BOATLOAD of magick that can be done without any external spirits, and a bunch more stuff using neutral nature spirits, from before this dramatic (and to my mind, largely erroneous) split into dark/light.

And there are other methods that may work within the Pentecostal belief system, or at least not go so hard against it you end up with a values clash. :thinking:

Take a look at the method of creating a roadmap here:

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