Hello all good people,
I have been a stalker of this forum for 2 years now. I have only recently built up the courage to post online about my endeavors. I hope that I write here in a way that is clear to most of you. I am a young male who has recently graduated college with a degree in counseling. I have been practicing demonolatry/theistic satanism for three years now. My first two years I was “formally trained” by a mentor, however we were separated due to reasons greater than I can comprehend. The whole experience of learning the basics of energy work and invocation/basic rites really changed me as a person. My first year nothing really happened for me, but i built a good foundation. Then my life began to unfold. I went to college full time, worked full time, and meditated full time. Ritual became a pert of my life to the point of having an altar in each room of my apartment, and now my house. My major working were with Orobas, my patron. I made great friends through him. He told me the story of how he fell and showed me his scars on his belly. I was relaxed and life was good. Everywhere I went he would drop in on me and lean his soft head on my shoulder. I would take trips to the mountains and paint pictures of him on rocks in secluded areas and have daydreams about riding a horse and being free. I don’t care what anyone says- I am not mentally ill. I was experiencing euphoria through his energy
When I was separated from my mentor (I believe someone else needed him) I sought other like minded individuals to practice with and life was good. Until one day we went headfirst into an invocation of FURFUR. Apparently my friend forgot to mention to me that he is a very good medium. The room swirled with visible mist and he became possessed? or was channeling the spirit. Honestly this experience was so scary that I lost the message. He was automatic writing the message while writhing on the floor and speaking in a booming voice. A terrible storm happened during this and his neighborhood flash-flooded while this was happening. When he came to we gave license to depart, he burned the sigil and we went separate ways.
Since this I had somewhat of an energy blockage and cannot contact Orobas as easily. My friend lost his job and his home. Also was a victim of a hate crime and kind of lost his mental capacity somewhat. Months later I visit him at his new home and realize that he still has the message Furfur left him with. And he refuses to let me see it out of fear? Later I learned from another source(his roommate or well they share a trailer) that he reads it aloud in the middle of the night randomly. And that the message is written in english but he reads it aloud in another language. Don’t talk to him much now as he is keeping this message a secret from me for whatever reason. Writing about this is cathartic I feel so much better now getting that part off of my chest. I have no one to talk to currently.
Ok so that’s my summarized back story of where I am magically. I can invoke for the most part but I have a blockage now due to trauma. I have just graduated and would like to seek a job that is in my field of study. I have my eyes set on the perfect job and invoked BELIAL to help open the door for me. After invoking him to speak about my ascent and build a relationship a few times, I decide to make a pact. I offered him a stone with his sigil painted on it as well as half of a tomato (he picked that himself) oh yea and half a cigar. I burned the offerings along with frankincense incense and buried the ashes outside near a dead stump. In exchange I will be working this job by MAY 25th. My life has been nuts ever since. My SO lost a good paying client. A lot of drama happened at my current BS job and i started acting out being an asshole to everyone. To be fair, my manager is a known racist, and of course, I am one of two employees of my race at the store. They told me they could move me to another store or i am out of a job. They actually threatened me? Who are they to threaten someone as powerful as I? I told them to suffer and I quit. I then out of anger made a pact within a pact ( yea thats right I said it, pact-ception folks) and asked belial to take the energy from these peoples(jackasses from work) families and use it to enact my will upon this earth ( ok im getting carried away just thinking about it) I feel that he is influencing me ALL the time yet Im having a hard time communicating to him. I’m just losing control of myself, yet am I really losing control or am I actually gaining control of my life? He is powerful. I have no income now, yet I feel that I am going to be ok. I feel that a path is opening for me.
Can someone help me understand how to know where to go next? I have gone super out of my way to contact the employer about this job I want but they are silent about it. I did get a random job interview for a different job an hour away that I dont really want.
I am going to try using tarot to see what belial wants me to do but its hard invoking him because his energy is having a cazy effect on me or bringing up the Furfur energy? I cannot communicate clearly. Would someone be able to point me in the right direction or speak with Belial for me about what my next step is and how we can communicate more effectively? I am beginning to wonder if maybe it is not just his affect on me but rather incorrect invocation process? Please help me to walk through the door Belial wants me to walk through.
Thanks you to all who could read this and make sense of it and not think that I am nuts