I'm so confused and lost

Self-Defense & Protection Magick
1

Hi members of Balg,

I’m in need of your valuable assistance and direction. As I’m struggling with my deteriorating situation.

About 2 years ago I met someone and got into a relationship with her. This person was one of those people whose been ignored by society for years (almost a decade) and led a dilapidated life. At the time I was someone everyone knew and wants to be friends with. If there’s any get together (parties or the genric meet) both professionally and personally everyone ensures I’m there. Without me it was tot incomplete and not fun or enjoyable.

I don’t jump into a relationship with all seriousness unless I’m certain I can trust the person, due to my experiences as a child.

So I told her the same and took about a year to know er before we got into a serious relationship. In this period she did everything to make me trust er and I too ensured I’m being a good human being and did everything to build er up and re-create her aura and stand , in the world around us. Slowly people realised someone like er even exists. I helped er professionally too and helped improve her raport with the bosses at work (she worked in a complete different domain of the company I’m employed in) until then she was just someone in the crowd.

But once I did all of that turns out she now considered erself superior (atlest dats how she behaved) soon she stated it’s time we move on and part ways. Until den she said I wish to marry you in de future.

I was in utter despair, long story short. She made me loose my house, all the money id saved up over years, put me in debt of over 10 times my annual income and publically laughed at my situation.

I initially thought somone had done a break up spell on us, as at the time der wer a lotta guys running after er ( I’d done a very good job making er popular). And wanted to mend things. I parallely was working on rebuilding myself too considering the financial and professional mess I was in (cudnt go to work for almost 5 months) my health had declined drastically too.

Spent a lot of money to fix our relationship too (so called fake spell casters and covens)

I finally found help with one of the Balg member at the time who helped me rebuild. I’m glad I met er on balg at the time as she even helped me in cutting chords with this bitch.

But over the past 3 months things have suddenly gotten terrible, I feel really sad and depressed most of the time. And lately I’ve even started having dreams, (don’t usually remember wat they are, just some bits to know I had a dream) which is unusual for me as I rarely have dreams (atlest in de last 10 years)

Since early this year I had a feeling that this bitch may have even put a spell on me, to be in a relationship with er in the first place. as I think if it now and realise der was no quality to cherish in er (thinking rationaly) before things went sour that I would really look for in a partner or girlfriend. Also I’d been saving up to get back at er and pull er down, with the help of a well received practitioner but every time I get closer to paying him. Something seems to come in the way.

I’m so lost and confused and the worst part is I’m due to move to er department at work in some time. Until now we were in no direct contact at work but now there’s a higher probability of it happening.

Can anyone help me with any advice or direction please. I walk around with a heavy chest. Feels like ders this 1000 ton load over it, but can’t explain why or what for, I don’t get why I’m depressed or down. It just doest make sense.

To top it all, I’m living in a place were I can’t even try to perform any spellwork or rituals even if I wanted to try. The last time I tried things went south at home and the family ended up getting pastors from the church, like for an intervention of sorts. What do I do. I don’t want to give up.

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Sorry to hear about your troubles, it certainly sounds like you could use some divine intervention.

I know you mentioned that you feel you cannot perform any rituals, however while I was reading this, I couldn’t help but think of the Master Protection Ritual, from the book Magickal Protection by Damon Brand.

It is a ritual that does not require anything except the symbol/sigil in the book (or in the ebook if you can buy ebooks on Amazon Kindle, in your country) and your imagination. You do not need to light candles, use any magickal tools, or even speak any words aloud.

You can even memorise the ritual (which might even happen organically, since it is done for 33 days in a row) and perform it in your “astral temple”, i.e. entirely in your imagination, when you are in bed before you to go sleep each night, for example. All that matters is your INTENTION and your focus on the ritual, not that you shout demonic words from the rooftops and sacrifice a lamb and light a million candles, or anything like that. :slight_smile:

IF anyone in your home becomes suspicious about what you are doing, you can sincerely and truthfully tell them that you are praying to angels for guidance.

If you do not even feel safe or capable of doing the above, or you have no means of getting the book, then my next best recommendation would be to pray to the Archangels Metatron and Michael, ask for their protection and that they repel all negative energy directed at you. You may also want to pray to Raphael and/or Haniel to ease your burdens and soothe your troubles. You should be able to find seals for the archangels if you search online for “[archangel name] sigil”, or alternatively, you can simply use their name written in Hebrew, which you should be able to find on Wikipedia if you search for “[archangel name] wikipedia” and read the top section of the article. You can simply gaze at their name/their seal and repeat their name (aloud or in your head) for a few minutes; even if you do not feel any noticeable presence, know that they can hear you, and then ask them for protection and grace.

I wish you the best. :bouquet:

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First off, I should say that all of this is fairly unlikely. Magickal practice of the kind we do here is still quite rare, unless these people that you are friends with/dating were all met in a witches coven or something. Outside of that, the likelihood that someone is casting magick on you is slim imo. What this is is a classic case of hypergamy. You meet a girl, and she likes you because you live a superior lifestyle to hers, but once you built her up to the point that her lifestyle was equal to or better than yours, you lost that uniqueness in her eyes that made you attractive in the first place (ie. the power/status differential). It’s something you need to be ever vigilant of. If you’re going to do something for a girl you like, it can never be for free. She needs to earn it somehow through actions that benefit you. You have to lay it out from the get-go what your demands in return for your services are, or she just wont respect you or your time…and it sounds like that’s exactly what happened.

In any event, what’s done is done and you can’t change that now, so lets talk magick. I think you should first focus on your own financial situation and rebuild yourself to your former glory. Once you’ve done that, then I’d turn my attention to revenge. If you live at home with folks who are anti-magick…my suggestion is to operate while they are asleep. They can’t be awake watching what you are doing 24/7. I’d wait until 3am in the morning and head to the basement (if you live in a house) or the washroom with the door closed. I may even sneak out of the house and go to some secluded park. Point is…there’s always a way to hide yourself…unless you’re literally imprisoned.

Once you’ve picked your spot, you’ve gotta pick the right magick. I think the book Demons of Magick by Gordon Winterfield would do you some good. It seems to work very well for newcomers into magick, and the ebook is fairly cheap on Amazon. Or perhaps you can do a simple petition spell. You can find instructions on how to do that here. I’d petition Bune to help improve your financial situation…and I would advise you do the same petition ritual to bune for 7 days in a row. By the end of the 7 days, you’ll hopefully feel confident that you’ve done all that you could magick-wise and you’ll forget about the ritual, which is important. Speaking of which, I’d also read through this several times to ensure that once you’ve finished doing the magick, you don’t sabotage it with your thoughts.

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Twice daily Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, Earth Banishing.

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Thank you so much for your advice, I’ll definitely look for the ebook. Thank you so much.

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“Magickal practice of the kind we do here is still quite rare, unless these people that you are friends with/dating were all met in a witches coven or something.”

I agree to that point its basically insane. But there is some proof I had recently about it and a lot at the time I was with her. Her mother’s one of those unusual kinds. Who diplomatically makes it evident when she doesn’t like something and immediately expects the person on the opposite end to do as she says, you know one of those. “Your will is my command” kinda things. And she’s a hard core devotee of “Kali”. I initially tot it was just er, but I found out things that the mother-daughter duo has done to some before me with Kali.

“a girl, and she likes you because you live a superior lifestyle to hers, but once you built her up to the point that her lifestyle was equal to or better than yours, you lost that uniqueness in her eyes that made you attractive in the first place (ie. the power/status differential). It’s something you need to be ever vigilant of. If you’re going to do something for a girl you like, it can never be for free. She needs to earn it somehow through actions that benefit you”

I did think of something similar to this when things happened initially, but again later with time Iv come to learn more about them and how they sustain.

" I think you should first focus on your own financial situation and rebuild yourself to your former glory. Once you’ve done that, then I’d turn my attention to revenge." - that’s definitely sane and rational advice. I’m going to write this down in a blank book and take to be my Bible until me-return-me

“If you live at home with folks who are anti-magick…my suggestion is to operate while they are asleep. They can’t be awake watching what you are doing 24/7. I’d wait until 3am in the morning and head to the basement (if you live in a house) or the washroom with the door closed. I may even sneak out of the house and go to some secluded park. Point is…there’s always a way to hide yourself…unless you’re literally imprisoned.”

The problem isn’t them seeing me as I’ve got my own room and they are in in theirs. The challenge is they are too intrusive. And any sound heard at night that sounds like I’m chanting or vibrating my message gets them suspicious. Making them wanna spy on me more. It’s not like Im gonna stop because they know, but they wouldn’t let me finish anything I do, they break down the door if they had to. It’s hard to explain. However, the washroom is an option (intrigued a little with this option tbh) don’t have a basement. Didn’t know it’s okay to do it in the washroom, tot dat was disrespectful to the entity you call.

I’ll definitely look for the book you’ve suggested and tell yu n the group on the progress. I get the do not obsess over it part. I think I’m getting better at it with time. Will definitely go through the link you’ve shred to get further help wit it too.really appreciate you breaking it down in this way

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“You may also want to pray to Raphael and/or Haniel to ease your burdens and soothe your troubles. You should be able to find seals for the archangels if you search online for “[archangel name] sigil”, or alternatively, you can simply use their name written in Hebrew, which you should be able to find on Wikipedia if you search for “[archangel name] wikipedia” and read the top section of the article. You can simply gaze at their name/their seal and repeat their name (aloud or in your head) for a few minutes; even if you do not feel any noticeable presence, know that they can hear you, and then ask them for protection and grace.”

I’m not too sure what it was, maybe it’s the shit I had to live through as a child, I built myself up from shit to gold, have lived in an orphanage even wen not orphan and been through a list of other things much more horundus ( I guess everyone has their own ocean to sail through. But after things went down this time. I kinda went away from the dude on top. Felt unreal to speak to him anymore. So it’s been a while now since we’ve spoken ( or as the world says prayed or read the Bible) and I’m not really interested, the whole act doesn’t feel familiar. Guess it’s been over a year now. Would angels still be okay? I’m just not comfortable thinking it’s indirectly going to the dude above through them. Is that not how it works? Apologies if that was stupid, still learning a lotta things.

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Yes. You can work with any spirit you want.

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@Nightside - thank you for your advice on this. Will search for it on the forum here. I presume the second one is to keep anything bad away. I’ll search what the first ones for though. Will revrt to you for any doubts that may occur during my research

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Thank you so much @Verdo @Veil @Nightside @ReyCuervo . I feel better knowing there’s always help available wen yu ask for it on this forum.

Anyone has any other advice and help to offer on this subject please do not refrain. Everything each of you have to offer from the Balg family is definitely valuable.

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So first, you don’t need lots of things to do ritual. So whoever lives with you doesn’t even have to know about it at all. Lots of people don’t share their practices with others. If you’re advertising it around the house though, yes that will lead to problems.

Lots of relationships just don’t work. Unless you know someone who wanted her/you who practices magick and has a jealousy problem this is extremely unlikely.

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Seems like you’re quite arrogant and think that the world revolves around you. It’s not uncommon for someone to take advantage of the type of person you are. She probably just took advantage of you. My advice is to humble yourself, recover, and move on.

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Yes, it would be perfectly ok to talk to angels.

I have a different view of “God”, i.e. I don’t believe in a personified God/Trinity as Christians do. I believe in self-as-God, or consciousness as God. So my view of angels, as the “messengers of God”, is that they are like loyal friends and subjects who go before you to enact your will in the world.

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@meow - thanks for your advice back in 21, I thought about it for a long time ( Im talking about over 10 months) and eventually concluded your were right about the arrogance. Then began the journey to its root cause analysis (while parallely working on becoming more humble than I may have been, if atall). In that journey figured, it was somthing that I’d started building up, as I climbed up from my shit hole until that chapter of my life, you know one of those underdog becoming somthing in the world journey. Somewhere id lost my niceness and looked down on those who didn’t climb up the ladder yet or was less driven or were driven but things didn’t workout for them, etc…

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Hi Verdo, hope you are well.

I’ve been working on getting myself better over the last 2+ years and the journey hasn’t been the easiest. Id stayed away from the magickal for the period and strictly focused and getting the worldly part of my life a bit better. But wanted to take the time to thank you for having helped me at my worst. Today anything I do to get closer to the magickal has a contribution from you too. So thank you for everything