I really need guidance. I can’t “hear” anything like you guys can. All I can feel are subtle touches. I feel like my relationship is starting to take a toll on me. I want normalcy. I want a place to live. I want physical intimacy. I want to pursue my passions of singing or entertaining but I wouldn’t even know where to start. Maybe I don’t know what love is, maybe I never will. It’s probably my fault after all not my ubi’s. She is nice to me, but still iam extremely unsatisfied. I want somebody here, physically here that I can share life with. Someone I’m compatible with. I hope she doesn’t take this as a slap across the face cause i don’t mean it like that. I just feel like I’m beginning to lose my mind. And possibly time. Everything just happens so fast. I’m already 26 which I’m sure to some of you is still pretty young. But I’m not doing anything with my youth or my life and I don’t want to be one of those sad old men that stare out the window thinking about regret. It’s coming up on 3 years for my ubi and I but each year around this time, this always happens. Something happens, and I feel fear, doubt, and regret. Of course we bounce back, but now I fear I’m just retreading a cycle. I just don’t actually know what I’m actually into, besides video gaming. But I know I don’t want to spend my life indoors.
I need help. I need to hear from others who have lost everything or at least hit rock bottom how to go on. How to bounce back. Because I feel like I’m never going to escape.