I'm really fed up and I feel like ranting about it

General Discussion
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So, I have to say I’m not enjoying my new location. I’m currently fully vaccinated, so after 2 weeks I can go into the city. Where as there are things I can do, part of me isn’t interested. By nature, I’m very social and conversive. Even to the point of striking up conversations with whom ever I can in the right environment. However, I suppose right now, past experiences have beat me up to the point I’m hesitant to go out.

It’s like I just can’t meet anyone. Covid aside, I feel like I can’t relate to anyone here. And when I click with someone, it never lasts. When I go to the bars, I end up sitting alone, typing away on my laptop. However, I’m still looking around seeing people at their little group tables, wishing I could join them. However, that’s not social etiquette. Even so, I doubt we have anything in common.

All I can really do is hope that I can go back to school in the fall, or get hired at my ideal place of work. I’m dying for social interaction, especially with a younger crowd which I don’t always see. Not only will I have a bigger outlet for social interaction, but I’ll have access to a free gym and free counselor. But that’s still a ways a way.

I’ve been thinking about what I said when I was high and what I meant. I don’t know what’s home. I don’t know what’s normal. I don’t know what’s me. I think I figured it out. Home is where you feel safest and most secure. Not just physically, but emotionally. I can’t say I’m there. As a kid, I hated going out to events because I never knew what to do with myself and just wanted to stay home. As an adult, I want to be out of the house as much as possible. I feel like my house is a prison, and I’m either made to return to it or be kept in it. Inside, I feel depressed and drowning. Outside, I feel anxious and under attack. Over all, I feel loneliness and spite. So, I don’t feel safe or secure either way.

Normal is supposed to be a state of familiarity used to create feelings of calmness. However, my state of familiarity is one of loneliness and spite. It is the feeling of isolation and segregation, causing me to feel different from others like I’m from some other world. And frankly, I do. I’m so cooped up at home that I feel like I’m stepping into another world every time I go out. Plus, I’m always counting the differences between me and anyone else, thinking that because of those differences, I for some reason should stay away from them.

And most of all, the issue with identity. I’m technically an adult, but that’s not what I see in the mirror. What I see is a child, no older than 13. He’s dealing with feelings he doesn’t understand. He’s insecure about his body. He doesn’t know too many people and thinks he doesn’t fit in. He’s scared, anxious, vulnerable, and above all frustrated. And yet he’s curious about the world despite how little it makes sense. But that curiosity hides behind cynicism. He doesn’t recognize himself and desperately wants to go back to a state of normal that he can’t really describe.

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dedicate to something… videogames, occult stdudying, bodybuilding…

do something with your whole being…

it gets you separated for what “society” ““wants”” you to be or think about your being…

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Sounds like you’re upset because you’re not getting enough social interaction. Hmm. I guess you may be one of those extravert types that need it? Personally I’m fine with not belonging and having rather minimal interactions, going out with friends every now and again. If this yearning or trouble of yours isn’t another hidden issue, then yes it may be as simple as you recharge around other people and from social interaction. The self-assuredness problem, looking in the mirror and seeing a child, seems like a separate issue.

Well… working on yourself is advice you can give to anyone. It’s never the wrong thing to do. It can give you more strength, personal breakthroughs, if you do introspection and remove energetic/emotional blockages. Aside from this… look up a social club in your area and join it. Good luck.

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It sounds like you can benefit from working with Venus, with a focus on self love & acceptance. Do that for a few weeks and I’m sure you’ll be in a better place.

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Watch joe dispenza , learn how to break from repeating negative brain pathways and beliefs

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watch john wick and see how he deals with stress.

get a pet to not be lonely like john wick.

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I feel you. You remind me of myself to some degree. The thing is, there’s a certain degree to this that is largely outside of your control. We live in an increasingly atomized society where people live in a siloed existence. Your experience at bars is not unique in that the mindset of people in generally drifting towards the anti-social. If you tried meeting new people in these places, you would be viewed as a creep, so I wouldn’t even consider joining these group tables unless circumstance invites it. The advantage you have over 99% of the population however is that you are an occultist, so you have options to fix this.

Glas’yos from the EA’s book of Azazel has the ability to alleviate depression, anxiety, paranoia, and pretty much any psychological issue you may be having. That’ll help fix the you problem. In terms of the friends problem, Saspu, again from EA’s grimoire is a good bet. he is able to bring both love and friendship into those who call upon him. Calling him to help bring friends into your life will make things infinitely more easy for you. These spirits are not to be underestimated. If Asmodeus can arrange a threesome for someone without having to do much of anything, then they certainly can help you meet a few new friends. Take advantage of the knowledge in this place is my answer.

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I appreciate it but frankly, my goal is basically a form of time travel. If I’m gonna be depressed, anxious, and insecure, I’d rather be 15.

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Being 15 and depressed is not fun or “better” Its worse because you are far more constrained with what you can do about it, being a minor child still in school and all. I know, personal experience.

Its really better to meet up with people who you have at least one thing in common with, hence the purpose of the meetup.

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A kid who goes through stuff is seen as a kid who’s going through stuff. An adult is seen very differently. The world is much harsher regarding mental health. When it comes to autism specifically, autistic children get much more support than autistic adults.

I never said it’s better or more fun. But there are certain advantages. When you’re young, you’re expected to deal with problems. Whether it be fitting in, finding a romantic partner, getting an education, mastering a skill, or finding career success. To have these problems is seen as natural. To be an adult with the same issues means people will think something is wrong with you. They’ll think you’re a loser, or worse an incel.

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This dropped the other day, and you might want to give it a look-see:

Now, then.
There are things you could be doing on the mundane. Lavender is relaxing. You could get lavender scented air fresheners for the home, or you could get the essential oil and put a few drops in a spray bottle full of water and mist your home to get the scent on everything (this is a good way to make your furniture smell nice too).

You could also get lavender bath salt for relaxation and soak in it before bed to promote relaxation and better sleep.

A home decorating tip is mirrors to give the room a more open feeling. You could get some nature art prints (which could work in tandem with the mirrors…) for the walls and/or some fake plants (or real ones) to give your home a more natural and “Alive” feeling.

Play relaxing music or sounds.

You may want to implement this and check out the rest of this lady’s channel.
Also, you might do some self massage as a self-care routine.

The other day I was giving myself a hand massage and after about fifteen minutes or so, I felt a sort of release and my body felt relaxed and soothed as if it just let out a big sigh of relief.

On the subject of massage:

If you have the option, you may look into getting a massage so that you can get therapeutic human contact. It could even be a foot massage at a spa or whatever.

Alternatively, if you have a good relationship with your family, come over to their place and hang out. Maybe spend the night. Ask your mother (or whoever) for a hug and let them know you need some closeness cuz you’re not feeling so good.

If you’re spending a lot of time indoors, you could be getting a vitamin D deficiency. Get some sun, let the sun into your home, go outside feel the sun on your skin go touch some plants and ground yourself in nature. Sometimes I like to go to the garden section of the store just to take in the plants. I really like trees if I’m at a place like calloways. Spring is here, connect with some plants and bring home some leaves and things to put on your altar.

Speaking of indoors, it can be good to rearrange, to “reset” your perception of your home. I rearrange every few months myself. Also, tidying up. If things start to get cluttered it can lend to a feeling of stagnation (if I let things slide and get kind of messy I start to feel anxious or down. Thus cleaning becomes a therapeutic exercise).

Diet: are you eating good? Sometimes I’ve found that I start to become very depressed and despondent when my diets not been so good for awhile. Take a multivitamin.

Returning to the magical: banish, or do something to clear out stagnant energies in your space.

Hey, man. Its ok. We’ve all been there in some capacity or other. None of us was born knowing what to do, it’s part of our journey.

Step outside that and try to look at yourself as if you were your own older sibling and ask yourself what you would tell yourself in this scenario. Tap into your higher self.

Stop doing that. You’re creating a negative feedback loop.

Stop fixating. Break that pattern of fixation.

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If it means anything, I’d hang out with you if you were near me. I’m a very introverted person, but the pandemic has lead me to feel completely alone and isolated.

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This is an incredible post, thanks. :+1:

It’s honestly easier to fix your shit than try to fix the way the entire reality and laws od the cosmos work.

Plus you’ll just have to jump back again, and again, and again, which is a kind of hell in itself, I mean just watch Groundhog Day for more on that. Humans can’t thrive without hope, and sooner or later the hope of time-travel would become useless even if you did succeed.

There are ways to get what you want regardless of societal trends, and reading all that post should give you some ideas for where to start. I don’t know whether meetup.com has any in-person meets yet where you live, but it’s worth checking as well.

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OP, do whatever you like. And give Venus a chance. I have this itch that tells me it may be right up your alley. Speaking from experience, a bit of self-love/acceptance can open you up to friendships and all sorts of stuff that was previously a daydream. PM me, if you feel like it.

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Actually, I own a book on Astral Travel, and it says that time and space are fluid on the astral plane. So, a person can actually project their conscious back to a younger version of themselves. So, you’re not projecting matter, just mind. I have also discussed this with other occultists, both online and irl, and many say it’s possible. I’ve made some theories as to how this works. But above all, if I can do it, I feel like I should just to say I can. I don’t believe in just accepting my circumstance. The LHP is about using magick to control your own destiny. So, I see it as a means to fulfill that philosophy.

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Fair enough.

I see it as about shaping your whole experience, including the world, but I obviously can’t help you with the quest you have, and it’s your thread, so I’ll duck out here, and wish you happiness & success. :+1:

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You’re profile is hidden.

I really can’t. I don’t know how to explain, but something makes me feel like I have to earn Venus’s attention. Just like how Ares attracted Aphrodite.

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Isn’t that the same as what I said?

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