Hello everyone.
I’m wondering if Belial can come to you as shadows. Like, I’ve seen them a lot? At different age. Last time when I saw shadow was about 4 months ago. But it was strange. At the same time it looked like sleep paralysis and kind of epilepsy attack. All other times were only shadows kinda ploting in my room behind me.
I’ve heard that Belial likes to kinda affect you through dreams but never heard about shadows. Tbh, I’m taking medication for anxiety depression. I can’t sleep without sleeping pills. But because of medications that I take, I’ve begun to see dreams a lot when I’m asleep. It was all kind of dreams. Not related to me or someone I know. It looks more like I was dreams about what I’m listening to when I fall asleep. And when I started to search a ton of information about Belial, like 80% time of whole day. My dreams began to change. Now I see something that I must repair or just another things I haven’t done yet but I need to. Aaaand I become seeing my grandma. She loved me more than her life itself. Always told that we’re connected with red thread. And it was so. Until she died. And that is the reason why my depression get worse, become stronger, stronger than me, myself.
When I was looking at her photos everywhere where she was with me she had a smile and hapiness on her eyes. And vice versa. When she was alone she looked depressed. Like an emptiness itself in her eyes. I’ve never payed attention to it when she was alive. Maybe I just wasn’t be able to. She didn’t allow me to see her like this.
Well, back to the point. After I’ve start to feel obsession at Belial, I’ve began to see my grandma returned to me. Kinda resurrected. But at that dreams she “isn’t in love with me”, she’s mostly cold and has grudges against me, offended by me. I’ve never had such dreams. I’m not that kind of person who blames himself. But I feel guilty now. Guilty for not being warm and kind for her as she was to me. I never did to her harm, tried to help in what I was able to. And, well… second question is about Belial. Is it he who’s doing this to me right now? I’ve cried a lot when I lost her. Never cried for hours, days, months, years. Before it. I don’t understand why Belial (if it is he) decided to bring me pain for her again. Maybe He wants me to understand all happening in my family. Not only from a view of mine. But what I’m doing to them too. Like a counter attack to their violence on me. To defence myself. Then, I still don’t understand that decision…
Belial is the 'breaker of chains", he’s all about sovereignty and freedom. To be free you have to know yourself, have nothing left that anyone can use as a weapon against you, because you already understood and accepted it… this is called “Shadow Work” a lot around these parts.
So, he is perhaps seeing this trauma as something energetically embedded within you that does not serve you, and is encouraging you to face it the depressing feelings it causes and break those chains. … Get to a point where remembering the good times with her makes you smile again.
I saw such shadows before sleep and after. I was never asleep during such “events” (just once that was so). I used to be scared of them. At first time. Now they are just arousing my interest and creating questions a lot. Like why are they here? For what reason? Etc. Nothing more. If it’s Him it makes more sense and also means He is with me for a long time already. Hope He will decide to communicate with me using more understandable ways.
Her death is definitely my trauma. Trauma that is heavy burden of mine. Pills made my pain less. Despite this, it’s still deep inside in me. I can’t say that I believe my pain of loss will fade away someday. She is still the most important person in my life. I’m not sure that such pain right now will help to cure my wounds. Cause I’ve just began to feel less depressed and my emotions are more stable.
Maybe He knows better. I just don’t catch the sense. What’s the point of opening up old wounds again rn. I’m not running from it. Never used to run away. I know what I’ve done wrong but I understand why I cannot behave myself another way.
Nobody can use my wounds against me. No way. I’ve already went through “hell” with my parents. Words are not able to make me weak.
It’s kind of what he does. A bit bull in a China shop, do it all now, now. He doesnt finesse it, he doesn’t pussyfoot around considering the timing, he thinks you’re strong enough to handle it all whenever. He will work it until there are no more old wounds at all.
I would put working with him on a back burner if this isn’t a good time for that. I’m sure he’s right and you could do this any time, but that doesn’t make it convenient and we do have lives to keep together too.
I can handle. Even more. I’ve already came through a lot and I’m not afraid of His path or His methods. Ofcuz I don’t want to loose ground under my feet. In physical way. Emotional hell is not my fear at all. I want to have food and etc. That’s all.
In this situation it feels like I most likely want to understand His point of view. Or to communicate with him more directly. Hope He won’t hide from me
Maybe you have any advices that I should know? To axpect from Him or what I should evoid during working with Him.
I might suggest getting into shamsnic journeying or automativ writing to have longer conversions.
Um, if anything, avoid the hero worship, he cuts people off if they fawn on him or rely on him too much, if they give away their power and start being weak in front of him. You’ve got to be strong not a sycophsnt. Imo. Those who go the worship route get something else.
I don’t hate Smith’s devotional work, but it’s not the Belial I know. I’m practical not poetic and so is he, I’m my own being with equal status and so are you. He resoects that.
Automativ writing? Idk what it is… can you explain me?
I understand why you’re talking about sycophantically behavior. Because I like to write “He”, not “he” when I’m talking about Him. It looks like I praise Him a lot. But it’s more about culture of my first language. And language I’m learning right now is alike. For me, this happens because I don’t know Him by myself and He definitely knows much more than I. Right now we’re not at the same status. He is like a teacher and He has some kind of respect from me. We never talked to each other yet. At the same time I simply take Him seriously. I want to work with Him for a long term if it’s possible. I kinda want Him to allow me to behave with Him so. I’m using kind of official speech when I talk about Him.
I’ve used to talk official speech with everybody I don’t know quite well. And it’s a rule of manners on both languages I’ve talked about earlier. But I stopped doing so when I realize we are all the same (in my first language. With second it still is forbidden). Human beings. We all make mistakes and don’t know everything. Age doesn’t matter much. That kind of speech often caused kind of embarrassment. So I just stopped to talk this way with common people. But I still can’t talk with teachers, some other specialists and just beings for whom I feel respect. As I talk with common people on the street or internet. So I’m waiting for His permission to act another way.
Anyway, thank you for advice about it. I will pay more attention to not overstep the bounds with my speech and mind.
P.s.: in my first language I have the opposite problem from what I had from the start… hehe… I’m bad at that
It’s practically mainstream in esoteric circles and better writers than me can give you more detail: try this one:
Actually that’s not it… it’s in your use of the term “obsession”… which implies an attitude of not thinking clearly, logically or putting your needs first. Obsession implies “unhealthy” and is related to addiction. It’s also very common for some occultists to take an RHP and/or religious approach to many entities, not just Belial. There’s an entire religion for worshiping entities called Demonolatry, the very name of which means “idolising demons”. The very idea disgusts me, but that’s because I agree with Belial: chains are to be broken not assumed. No limits: no masters.
But you don’t know who you are at a spiritual level? So I would holdoff making this assumption until you find out. There are things you have bee and done that he hasn’t either. Never put anyone on a pedestal, respect them, for sure, that should be mutual: but never put yourself down. It’s not necessary and Belial doesn’t like it: respect what he’s trying to do to strengthen you by being strong and respecting yourself. And that means not putting others above you.
I don’t think he cares if you capitalize the H in Him or not, as long as that doesn’t mean you worhsip him as “better”: that’s a human detail that’s poetic but a bit too lo level for him to worry about. And he does understand what it’s like to be human have have all your memories stripped. Our situation is not fair or reasonable, and it puts us at a massive disadvantage. It’s not good to make it worse for yourself by groveling though.
There’s a difference between being formal, polite and respectful, and groveling. If you grovel you will annoy him, imo, and he will challenge you until you stop. (Which sucks: you start getting thrown into situations where ou have to stand up for yourself, and it makes life harder for no reason) Make like easy for yourself by standing up straight and talk to him as an equally valid and strong person who wants to help you.
You can ask as well. I am always formal myself. I don’t need permission to be informal because that’s my choice. To work with Belial, I recommend decisiveness and knowing what you want. You’ll probably develop that as you work with him and interact with his energy. But if you are too weak he can just ignore you, so show him you know you are already worthy and have potential, and will work for what you want not waste his time.
My understanding of obsession may be different. When I say obsession I mean I’m in active process of any activity. I just dive into the process and spent a lot of time. Cuz I feel true interest and pleasure when I’m learning something new. I’m kind of artist. Draw a lot. More than 10 years already. Sometimes I have an obsession. Can draw for 30 hours straight or 2-3 arts per day. Very intense. I’m not illogical or not having selfcontrol. It most likely I’m in love with activity and don’t want to stop. My “dive” sometimes can be a bit to much. But within adequate limits. 30 hours of drawing is the highest bar of my obsession behavior. I know what I want and what for. It’s also tends to happen when my depression affects me less. It has contrast with depression. That’s why I can be too much. I’ve waited for so long to be able to do so many things. And, ofcuz, I start to do everything that was hard for me to do before. So I don’t think it would be a problem.
I also want to break the chains. I don’t need them. I’m planning to break them, not to create new. I don’t want them to push me away from my desires.
Belial will never be the master of mine. Nobody will. I don’t want to have a master. I want somebody who will show me the way. But it doesn’t mean that I will close my eyes and do nothing. I don’t want anybody who will do everything for me. When I will do nothing at all. I want to learn how to do it myself.
I also don’t think that He would try to show me anything if He see me like a weak one.
Demonaltary is like Christianity. I never found myself in such things. I can’t find myself in any religion. Just not able to. It’s not mine.
If I see someone more educated or skilled than I am, it’s about this activity. It doesn’t mean that I’m just nothing comparing to them. I admire them. They deserve it. They work hard to gain it. And I will make my best to grow too.
Ah… You might want to tone that down a bit then, in the interests of being understood in English. “Interested” sounds like a better word, as obsession is a pathology.
Most of our members are not native English speakers either and will take the dictionary definition:
“Compulsion” means you can’t help yousrelf, you are compelled: it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.
… Unless you’re Californian, and then “I’m obsessed!” is slang for “I really like this”, usually makeup or pop culture related. That comes with a certain tone of voice and characteristic phrasing that makes the meaning clear.
I admit I wasn’t when I lost my ex, although I could have asked Belial for some help with that sooner. Yeah, Belial told me he was no good for me and I didn’t listen to all that. At least I know where Belial is not the best demon to work with. If you need to bring a bunch of new people into your life, choose someone more suited to it like Astaroth. (but don’t ask her for your ex back, she likes to teach that the hard way)
That comes with a certain tone of voice and characteristic phrasing that makes the meaning clear.