I want to live

This is good. I’d like to hear what the vocals sound like with proper production value.

Do you know these guys personally?

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@Empath Nope I just discovered it after google led me to their YouTube.

Add: I’m always up to hear new music (back in the day like <2017 I’d discover new stuff at the local HMV browsing the shelves. Now I gotta find it on YouTube or maybe on the labels website instead. Or hear about it in Decibel or or Zero Tolerance.

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I think the first thing you need to do is start thinking differently about yourself. Negative thoughts will bring negative things. Learn to love yourself and start thinking more positively. Don’t dwell on the past and start moving forward. Sure it is easy for me or anyone to tell you this but most of the time we can be our own worst enemy.

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Disclaimer: Mundane, nonmagical advice follows:

(Non of this is medical advice, FYI. :heart:)

When I was a moderator for an online depression, anxiety, etc group everyone’s doctor had them on extreme amounts of Vitamin D. Low amounts of vitamin d is connected to feeling blue. In fact, now is the time of year where even people who do not have mental health issues are affected by Seasonal Affective disorder.

Teas to help you sleep often help with stress and anxiety:

Burning incense helps too:

All of this can be bought for under $10. In addition to this I would look for support groups. Talk to others feeling the same way. It helps you to feel “seen” and “heard”.

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By digging deeper what I mean is, you’ll need to talk it through with yourself. For example. Imagine your married, and your spouse comes home every day and tosses their purse, backpack or briefcase into the middle of the hallway while making their way back to the bedroom. You’ve been asking them every day for years not to do this and to put it in its proper home.

Today when they do it you lose your shit and scream about it.

So here is what digging deeper would look like.

Find a quiet place where you can be alone with just your thoughts. I like to take a hot bath where I can submerge my ears under water, it works well for me. Then start asking yourself questions about the situation and why you react the ways you do. For instance, maybe you realize that the reason you hate bags left in the hallway is that as a child you used to get beaten for similar situation. You also find out that the reason you now hate it so much is because it reminds you of being beaten for your bags. So subconsciously seeing bags left in the hallway takes you back to those memories and emotions. Because that is how trauma works unfortunately… so in this situation your real goal would end up being to heal yourself of that childhood trauma that sparks those emotions when you see a bag in the hallway.

What I have just described here is a form of shadow work. Working with your inner self to heal past trauma. While I did this I found a lot of childhood moments that I thought were normal were most definitely not. I believe myself to be a more open and caring person for having worked in these sides of myself. Anger isn’t the only thing you can fix with this either.

Just understand that when doing this you may realize more than you expected about yourself. Parts you may love and parts you may not like. But hopefully in the end you’ll find ways to love every part of yourself. I’ve learned to listen to my anger. Not act on it but I listen to it. I find things that anger me. Then I attack them with thought not with rage.

Forgive me for asking this if someone else has I’m replying without reading the full thread but…

How is your meditation practice?

That is another key thing that helped me through this issue. I worked on mindfulness meditations. Allowing myself to slow those racing thoughts. Gaining the ability to having those angry thoughts swimming through my head when upset. But having the mindfulness to acknowledge them but not act on them.

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Terrible. I cannot relax. I’m stressed and tense all the time. I require drugs to loosen up.

Empath, you can do it. You are worthy of love and self love. You can control the anger. I’m hot headed too. But i do have a passion, although it’s not singing. I paint. Spend some time every day doing the one thing you love with intention. Every day i pick up the paint brush for at least 1 hour. If i can get up a little earlier than i can have 2 hours. As soon as the paint brush is in my hand i intentionally think “this is my calm. This is me. I am happy”. Use that voice. Sing it. Sing you woes, your hardships, anger, fear,etc. right out into the ether and out of you. Then sing of better days coming to you in a hurry. The sun is coming up on better days ahead for you. Don’t give up!! There are so many kind people in this world, you just have to give them a chance to help you. Even if you dont believe me, try it anyway. Even if you doubt that anyone can help you, push the doubt away and be ready to accept good into your life, even if you can only push the doubts away for a moment. Reach out to people for some help. I’m lighting a candle for you that good things come your way. It will happen! It’s already on it’s way to you.

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I deeply relate. According to my knowledge of the ancient Gnostics, this universe which is composed of billions of galaxies, is a universe that is defective. Imperfect. It will remain so until it is ‘‘reformed’’ using lots of transmutation by beings inside this universe or outside of it. This universe is the only one that has a cosmos that is dark or black, which is full of known and unknown energies, some of it chaotic in nature, some more organized. On earth it is the same thing, The female spirit of the earth is complicite in that chaos. She encourages it’s own creatures to always have trauma. We live in a predatory based universe where sentient life isn’t respected, and always butchered. Our job here on earth is in part to transmute the impossible, 24/7 and try to enjoy life as much as possible.

This is very kind of you. I really appreciate your kind words and positive energy.

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About relaxation: tense and release your muscles, try to breathe a bit more deeply in a natural and gradual way. A basic form of rythmical breathing is: long inhalation-pause-long exhalation-pause.
During each phase you may count up to 3, or to 4: this would be the Golden Dawn’s Fourfould Breath. There is also GD’s Relaxation Ritual, where you visualize a golden sphere passing over your feet at the beginning, and through all your body.
You may look at your body, then at your mind. Pay attention to the stress and tension, notice them. That is: by acknowledgment you either detach, or achieve an unity with the undesired thing which then you may transform.

I have plenty to share! No problem! :grin: