I still struggle with Christian fears and I hate it, what can i do?

General Discussion
16

I think a lot of this stuff about struggling with Christian fears has less to do with some imaginary sky god being angry, and more wanting to be accepted by a group of people, and perhaps more importantly, the mainstream. On the other hand, being a Christian in certain circles, or at least practicing Christianity in certain ways can get you ostracized and even affect your employment.

No ideology is really safe. You can’t make everybody like you. Some people are going to be intolerant and dislike you no matter what. I think being a christian is almost more about the appearance of moral righteousness, rather than actually being morally righteous, appearing to be spiritual even if you are not, and having faith even when you have doubts.

Belial told me I don’t need religion, and at first I was skeptical, I didn’t really believe him. Even though church never really made me happy, I wanted it to do so. I wanted to be accepted and liked by others, and that was more important that if demons are real and if they really want to help us. Also, I had tried atheism briefly as a young teenager, and lost my will to live and put up with suffering. (unlike Christianity that gave suffering meaning and purpose not matter how bad things get.) For a while I would have considered myself agnostic, or perhaps spiritual but not religious, basically I believed in god, but had lots of doubts about the church, sometimes I went anyway, but mostly I didn’t.

I think one thing that really helped me was to come to a real understanding about how religion actually works. Some of the things I learned were just so disgusting I won’t repeat them here. But basically this, when we eat his flesh and drink his blood, we become him, and what do you think happens when we give offerings to demons, or more importantly offer our blood? No, seriously people you really have to think hard about the so called mysteries of the faith, not in a dogmatic way, but in a natural way, such as who taught John the baptist? How are religions actually formed (the monotheistic ones that is) and other crap like that. No, really study and think about it. Read, and do experiments. Please don’t take my word on any kind of blind faith that what I say is correct.

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17

I don’t feel like it is me wanting to belong or being accepted. I didn’t grow up going to church, my parents are Christians but my father wanted me to grow up and make my own decisions on what I believed.

I guess its just the process of reversing the brainwash…

It’s incredibly frustrating for me because I don’t agree with most of anything that goes along with that belief.

But yet, somehow it still bothers me sometimes and I don’t want anything to do with those doubts anymore. They do nothing for me

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I just read this quote whenever I’m feeling the deus tug of the Terran plane. Makes me snap out of it real quickly.

Blockquote
Is that what God does?

He helps?

Tell me, why didn’t God help my innocent friend who died for no reason while the guilty ran free?

Okay. Fine. Forget the one offs.

How about the countless wars declared in his name?

Okay. Fine. Let’s skip the random, meaningless murder for a second , shall we?

How about the racist, sexist, phobia soup we’ve all been drowning in because of him?

And I’m not just talking about Jesus.

I’m talking about all organized religion.

Exclusive groups created to manage control.

A dealer getting people hooked on the drug of hope.

His followers, nothing but addicts who want their hit of bullshit to keep their dopamine of ignorance.

Addicts.

Afraid to believe the truth.

That there is no order.

There is no power.

That,

all religions are just metastasizing mind worms, meant to divide us

so it’s easier to rule us by the charlatans that wanna run us.

All we are to them are paying fanboys of their poorly-written sci-fi franchise.

If I don’t listen to my imaginary friend, why the fuck should I listen to yours?

People think their worship’s some key to happiness.

That’s just how he owns you.

Even I’m not crazy enough to believe that distortion of reality.

So fuck God. He’s not a good enough scapegoat for me.

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19

I appreciate that thank you.

Azazel showed me something one day that’s always helped me when I came back to struggles of it

I was looking up some things about him, he tells me to go five days back and had me open a link
No mention of his name anywhere on the page
It was a passage in the Bible dealing with God being angry because someone didn’t circumsize their son.

I totally acknowledge how ridiculous all of it is, which is why I been getting really frustrated that I’m dealing with this fear still. I want it to die so bad.

I work with angels as well as demons, well 90% demons and I have a couple angels I’ll work with.
And they even tell me I’m completely fine.
So how does that work that I still even have any worries :joy:

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20

He’s in the book of Enoch. He gives the first spear to man kind and lead the Gregorian watcher angels before falling. Straight up omitted from the Bible except in the Eritrean Orthodox. I’m a big fan of arguing about theology so I’ve read pretty much every variant. I’ve got a top 150 most horrifying passages as well as contradicting concepts :man_shrugging:t2:

I mean hey if you can rock the dichotomy resonance more power to ya, I much prefer the static to the sharp horn but that’s just me.

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21

Welcome @likeafox It is a rule of this forum for all new members to properly introduce themselves, so please click the link below and tell us about yourself and any experience you may have in magick, such as what you practice, how long you have practiced, areas of interest, etc:

intro3

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Blockquote[quote=“likeafox, post:20, topic:111496”]
I mean hey if you can rock the dichotomy resonance more power to ya, I much prefer the static to the sharp horn but that’s just me.
[/quote]

What do you mean by this?

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No problem! I replied on there with basically the gist of my existence and underwhelming amount of knowledge :joy:

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They’re on two opposite sides of the resonate frequency spectrum as far as energy goes; angels/aetheric/high frequency energy beings feel like a rather sharp bell sound crawling through my bones, and daemons/demons/tartaran/low frequency energy beings feel like a nice warm static to me.

But the dichotomy is the opposite sides of existence bit.

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26

Let me put your mind at ease. There is no need to have any fears of Christian threats of afterlife punishment. A literary discovery has concretely proven the new testament is a complete work of fiction. As a matter of fact it is a comedy, a satire, and dark humor for those in the flavion court. Here is a link to one of the videos about it. And I hope this helps.

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27

Usually if such things happens they are rooted in some deeper believes or mentalnconstructs that we indentify with and forget about. If those anexieties are shallow you can ignore them, but if you feel they are bloking you should adress them.

Write down the moments anexieties came to you. What were your thoughts and feelings. What are you afraid exactly? The damnation? The raction of others? Possess?..
Whatever you find it is based on something, usually on someones words or some situation. When you recognize it, describe it and look for the weak points of such beliefes (i. e. ’ people who told me such things are not competent ’ or ’ that was ok when you were a kid but now you got better explanation’)

Next check your new beliefes, do you find a gaps in them? If you fear something bad can happen, assure yourself you know how to deal and banish stuff or assure yourself that new people around you will be able to help you, or looking at your experiences assure yourself you will be able to manage things as they happen. (Those are only examples).

If it is possible, decrease your exposure to stuff that can trigger anexiety and riddicule those triggers.

After all you can strenghten process with selfsuggestion, visualisations of how you gonna behave if triggers happen, make some ritualistic gesture (burn the paper with your fears), say more often to yourself words of appertiation and assurence about what you do now.

I myself calls it dechristianization process, I wasn’t indoctrinated much as a kid but living in the catholic country where crosses are everywhere and catholic religion is teached in public schools I found it necessary for myself and it helped. Right now I am able to use catholic stuff in magic without incorporating catholic agenda. But there is still one thing I need to work with, that spirits will feel offended and punish me for not staying in touch with them and I can recognize it is based on bible stories how Yahve dealed with jews ( yeah, bible for children was a book I read when My granny teached me reading, and Old Testaments stories moved my imagination and ingrained in me deeply)

I hope you find solutions best suited for you

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28

You might be asking the wrong people, noone here believes in hell

Im not sure I do either, but I do believe there is a place where God isnt. Earth could well be that place (or limited contact anyway).

Your fear comes from your rejection of God and what that might entail. You cant really do much about that if that’s in your heart.

Ive always done magick with the intent of God being the source of the power, and anything that isnt, i dont give energy to.

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29

I am going to be flat out honest with you. I’ve been working actively with magic for almost 13 years now (god I am old). Much of this time has involved working with spirits (some with degrees deeper than others). Even with all of the bonds I have made and the manifestations that have came through, I still find myself scared at times, especially when I move into uncharted territory. It is natural and reasonable, as everything in life is potentially dangerous.

However, when I am faced with it, I weigh it against two things: what i may gain from going through with it vs what I may lose and the possiblity of regret towards myself if I do not cross that line, which i know to be certain based on my understanding of myself. I could very well end up crashing and burning, but it is survivalable as long as I am still breathing. And if I am not by the end of it, what would be the point of worrying?

As far as the idea of Hell, while I ultimately do not believe a place of internal damnation due to refusing to join the El/Yahweh’s praise club, even if it did that possiblity does not shake one thought I have. Most of the people I truly care about are not believers and, if that book is literally true, then I will be having good company along with the demons I have befriended.

As the Frisian Chieftain Radbod put it when he was told that his kin burned for not believing: “I rather burn in Hell with the ancestors I loved than go to heaven with those I hate” While my opinion is not quite as strong as I do not hate those of that faith, you get the point.

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30

In his second book, Franz Bardon explains evocation, spirits and spirit nature. I recommend you to read it if you’re curious.

The only damnation he talks about in that book is limiting yourself to only one sphere.

So you are damned when you give up your god aspect and limit yourself.

If you think about it, humans cause other humans misery, it’s not god who causes it to us. We do it to ourselves. Free will I guess.
And you can ask for guidance and help. The other gods respond. The christian one does not.

See, this is where I’m stuck. I don’t know wtf the Christian god is supposed to be. I don’t even know if it’s fiction or real. Sure, it might be based on a sky god but the church teachings changed so much imo, they made an all powerful deity just to keep the population on a leash.

I believe that the christian people are just praying to an egregore and that’s why their prayers go unanswered. But I could be wrong and maybe the Christian god is just an uncaring deity. :man_shrugging:

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31

I very much appreciate all the responses you guys have gave.

That’s what made me dramatically change my belief. As a Christian I never felt like I got a response or felt comforted during prayer. So if my life were ever in danger I know he wouldn’t have helped me anymore
Then any of his other followers…

But I know, undoubtedly, that it anything were to ever happen to me Azazel/Heylal/Lilith would absolutely step in and have my back. I trust them completely.

Which is why it’s so frustrating to me to still have any issues and anxieties anymore because I don’t want anything to do with it. Even growing up I thought there were a lot of hypocracies about the religion.
I got into an argument with a preacher one time because my cousin was bi and he was talking about homosexuals in his speech.

ALSO, this may not be entirely relevant, but been watching a lot of paranormal shows during lockdown, and I notice more often then not the preist runs out when the paranormal shit gets to real.
If they really had faith in there diety they wouldn’t be that super scared. But like, how can they even have faith in something that won’t ever talk to you?

Azazel, on his own accord, checks on me at least once a day. “How are you feeling dear?” “What you up to?”

After most of my life time, yaweh never even tried to talk to me

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So the god the Christians pray to and yaweh are different?
I’d love it if you could elaborate a little on this

I have done some arch angels summonings in the past, and to do so in that practice I learned you call on the different names(aspects?) Of God to do so.

So my question here is also, was I calling on the thought form there or the Christian god?

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From what I understand, the christian god is supposed to be Yahweh or at leased based on him BUT people believe in a deity they know nothing about. So it’s very possible that they created a thoughtform (accidentally) that evolved into an egregore.

The Tetragrammaton (YHVH) has nothing to do with the christian god for me. I always thought that this name is indeed a powerful one (you can’t deny it’s efficacity) and is way older than the whole Christian story. It’s the Divine Providence, the Source.

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36

If I could hazard a guess, the Christian brainwashing is rooted firmly in your subconscious.

You have since gained power and information that is adversary to the belief system you grew up with.

But imagine this… you’re a heroin addict. You’ve been using for years and years, then one day you come to a self-realization that hey, this isn’t right. This isn’t what life is meant to be like. I’m wasting away.

Then comes the next stage… overcoming that addiction. You are prescribed methadone, and while that does the trick temporarily, deep inside you still crave what you were using before. Despite your conscious telling you opposite.

Now, apply this to your current predicament. It will take time to undo that programming. Hell, I was fortunate enough to grow up in an atheist family who basically said, believe what you want just don’t fuck your life :rofl: having said that, though, they were worried I’d join a cult or something because of my eccentric beliefs.

And while I’m not undoing damage done from brainwashing, in a sense I’m still working through self-discipline. It’s so easy to go with the flow as opposed to the going against the current. Going with the flow, in your sense, would be giving all your power to the Christian God. They require nothing of you, yet to believe and do is the “good” book says. It’s simple. As it is simple for me to sink into drinking and smoking weed to deal with my inner issues.

Whether it be organized religion, drugs or things like social media, phones, TV shows… it’s all just a bandaid to mask your problems.

To be a powerful magician, I think it’s crucial to confront your problems head on and make a conscious effort to deny the path of self-destruction.

Now, while the religion is considered “atheistic” I highly recommend The Satanic Bible from Anton LaVey. His writings are geared towards folks breaking free from the chains of religion. While I don’t agree with everything, I find his words self-empowering.

His own inspiration came from multiple sources, so if you’ve read that, read Might is Right by Ragnar Redbeard. LaVey pretty much plagiarised it. It’s a bit outdated, and “Ragnar” is a touch sexist, but the anti Christian sentiment is strong, I found my brain and body both energized by his powerful passages, and would apply more so to you, having been there and done that with Christianity.

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37

Banish satan. It’s a JCI concept. Better for christians who want to live the lie.

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38

It took me the better part of a year to renounce my Christianity. When society indoctrinates one as a child into it, it can be hard to shake. I have felt the guilt also. I no longer do once I freed myself from what others say. So can you. There are hundreds of religions, they all can’t be right, Right? Follow your path, AshtaNoe. It’s YOUR path.

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