I called belial because I was in a confusing spot. I meditated for about 15 minutes all I could think about was how I was resisting, and I kept yelling at myself inside of my head to stop resisting. I did this for a while untill I finally started letting go. I was breaking down my guard so I could finally detach and get into a perfect place in my head. My body starts to go numb and the only thing I could feel was my heart beat. It was starting to race because I just had the thought of I will lose everything if I let go. Soon my head went to “what the fuck are you doing! You have this whole world in front of you, you can’t leave it!” This is when I jumped up and broke my connection.
I fear loosing everything I have. I am afraid that once I let go I won’t come back. I’m afraid that once I let go and finally stop worrying about my body it will be gone and it’s over. My goal is to get through this. I need to fully let go of all attachments that drag me down. It’s easy to say but I know tomorrow when I try again these thoughts will pop straight back into my head. I can’t let go.
Patience. Walk through your obstacles slowly and feel them crush you from inside out. Devour them become them. Then you can separate from them I believe
I’m going to attempt again tonight. So I’m guessing I should get back into that state but sit with it for a while untill I can recognize what it is? I’ll give this a go
Faith is the trick.
Now, do not confuse to the mumbling of faith.
Faith is not grabbing, faith should not make your heart beat faster or make you anxious.
Faith is knowing that your heart will not stop when you sleep.
Faith in yourself because the world is not going to stop beating if you travel for a moment; you are a God, and you believe in yourself you just do not know it yet.
don’t be attach to life or physical form of life. Just be energy to experience. Be observer letting whatever comes to you come. no emotional judgements or no thinking no opinions no predicting future. just see without thoughts.
Thank you guys. I sat with my fear for a while and I got through it. I’m not fully over it but I’m finally comfortable letting go of the world. Letting go of everything. I feel like a free mass of energy. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. But it’s not fully overcome. Just a few more things to work out.