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You would probably get better results asking for help addressing the problem first. She might want to come back of her own accord if the problem is fixed.
That she has left is a symptom of an underlying issue, into which you do not have visibility. So you can ask for het back and without addressing the issue all tat tends to happen is your meeting doesn’t go well.
Have you asked HER why she left and if there’s anything you can do to resolve the issue? You called her “stubborn” without understanding her position, meaning she is resistant to the pressure you put on her because it didn’t help her situation.
There is probably an amount of healing needed, as there usually is in these situations. For example, you don’t know if the last argument was the “straw that broke the camels back” and all of the arguing was perceived by her as mental/emotional abuse and she never stood up for herself or told you, or she’s just sick of the arguments, or last time you said something unforgivable. That’s just an example, but if that kind of thing is a factor your apology (which is not necessarily an admission of anything) and a healing are helpful.
The fact that communication was not strong and has now totally broken down is I suspect a big part of the issue. Relationship take good communication, so you need that if you want this to not just be resolved but continue to work. It sounds very strongly like she thinks there’s no point talking to you, and that’s why she’s silent: it only escalates into unwanted unpleasantness and achieves nothing as you’re clearly not listening.
I’d suggest a layered working, this isn’t a one and done as you want long term change over multiple areas:
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There’s an old adage: “change yourself to change your world” (comes from Gurdjeff)
I’d suggest good therapy for yourself, aligned with a working with Paimon or Leraje to improve your communication between you, listen to get the info you need, and generally work on self improvement and empowerment and soft skills. -
Then start working on opening the lines of communication. She maybe feels you don’t listen so you have to prove to her you will if you can get her to try. If you have been goal focused on telling her to return, stop all of that. Try telling her what you told us, that you don’t understand and ask her what went wrong from her perspective, don’t try to correct her or compare memories, let her talk it all out, for as much as it takes.
Your working for communication with Paimon is there to encourage her to speak: your job is only to listen and not block the flow here. Your work for healing is to soothe the hurt so she can listen to you. -
Now you have to analyse what info you got and negotiate any mismatching needs. Given her concerns, changes for you are probably on the table, and probably for her as well (like for e.g., you have to be able to trust her to speak up and she has to trust that you will let her without fighting): you may need to decide if you can or want to meet her needs now that you realise what they are. If your needs are not met in the process you have a problem. Hopefully by now you can negotiate calmly without arguing… at this point I suggest a marriage counselor would be ideal.
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Now if you both are prepared to negotiate and maybe you’re in counseling, great, she’s giving you the chance you wanted, and she wants to make it work or she wouldn’t waste her time: but that’s not enough. Now it’s time for a working to ensure the success of the counselling, for both of you to find a way to reconcile, harmonise and prevent future issues.