I hate this way of living. Im always never really taken seriously anymore and my family always seems to just worry about me, though I am greatful for a caring family I just that this path it ruins our relationship. Many of this is my fault though I have to admit, I started to get into this stuff 2 years ago but I was always swarmed by parasites that just fuelled my nasty pride and envy which caused me to do many stupid things and lose many friendships (I’m good now I learned). I’ve lost a lot of credibility to many of my friends they just view me as psycotic and crazy then because I gave it some time and now told them im over this. But it just felt so bad to have to lie to them and though all is good now I have all my many friends again. I have to live a vey paranoid life of them finding out im still in this because they describe how uncomfortable I would make them and how stupid this path was (they didnt say that in a malicious way they just saw this path manipulating and only causing harm to me so they worried). I feel as if people just saw this as another phase or depressive episode and not to sound like a stupid edgy teenager it may not be, I dont really know it could be once I think about it. It just sucks having to hide everything about my self and worry about anyone finding because it would ruin or damage my relationships. Additionally this sucks because im still at square one (those 2 years when I joined taught me nothing due to my dilusions so im still at square one) so I cant really get any advice or help from spirits due to my low level senses, maybe I can I’m not sure I can only hear yes and no. Im not sure if I can ever really fix this or maybe im just over stressing and the answer is to just keep it a secret but thats just lonely to me, but its nice to just express my frustration if there is no other answer.
I feel that there is an unnecessary, and often disproportionate, emphasis on working with spirits in the occult, and so when people have difficulties with opening up to a greater reality, they are often just told to call upon even more spirits, which is mostly useless advice, and never really helps anything.
Forget about spirits for now, and start working with your own consciousness. Read, and begin practicing, Neville Goddard’s Law of Assumption.
The Law of Assumption is based on the Hermetic axiom that “All is Mind.” Basically, your imagination is what determines your experiences in your reality. If you want to be taken seriously by others, if you want to improve or repair your relationships, then start assuming you already have that in your life. Relax yourself down into a drowsy, Alpha state, and imagine in detail what you want things to be like. See your friends treating you like you want them to treat you, see your family giving you the respect you desire. Live from this assumption, even though the outer world shows you something else, because the outer world is simply a reflection of the inner world, so the longer you hold this new inner view, the soon the outer will begin to reflect it.
So you’re a teen and live with your family at the family home.
You can continue your self development, but don’t call it the western occult. You will find the exact same self development and teaching available in a wide variety of traditions and many are more mainstream than “LHP”.
You already know you need to develop more skills and psychic ability anyway, so why not switch to tool free working and study a current that’s acceptable to your family, until such time as you can live your own life and do not depend on them for a roof and food. You can come back to the western ocult in a few years stronger than ever, and you will probably get more out of it anyway.
Look up the Core Shamanism tutorial, or get into a tai chi chuan class locally, stuff like that. Keep it going, but stealth mode?