I hate myself for a lot of reasons and I can’t escape them. I am a terrible person, really, and it’s not leaving me alone.
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Like I’m being completely serious. I just get pushed into such a low place where I look at myself and all of the people around me and wonder if I’m doing them a disservice by even talking to them. This can’t be healthy, but it’s so easy to feed into, even on accident.
I used to look at myself as like some sort of parasite to my family, considering work was hard on my mother and I was too young to actually get a job
Now thanks to this shitty issue I’m going through I have a hard time touching my choir class, even online, and I feel so overwhelmed when I try, but if I don’t then my family will have to worry about me being put in summer school. I have to technically join a meeting for the class today but I cant, I CANT. I am fucked.
And I just feel so overwhelmed with shitty feelings that I just want to tear myself apart and stop it.
and I just want to get away more than anything.
You’re probably not a terrible person, man.
In fact, I was talking on the phone with my best friend last night (she is a psychologist) and we spoke about this topic (nothing I would feel okay speaking in public, but my PMs are open).
At your age, feeling like that about your family is normal. But you have to understand that by being born we all are entitled to certain things. One of those is a fucking roof over our heads.
That being said, you can probably cooperate with your folks by doing some chores and such, you’ll feel better and take some weight out of their shoulders.
I would suggest you to do GOOD ART. Or bad art. Sing. Write. Dance. Draw. Whatever. Even if you’re terrible at it, don’t worry.
Tango is a sad feeling that can be sing. And this is true for all musics and all emotions and all arts.
Keep strong, Max. We love you.
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I don’t know who you are and what your background is but you’re not.
You’re not a parasite or a bad person. You’re already seeking help which shows you are better.
Take deep breaths, you’re trying your hardest and that should be good enough. Don’t blame yourself for all the negativity around you.
I also suggest to do something like dancing and drawing. Something to boost your confidence if that’s what you need.
Deep breaths, you got this. Don’t let it all get to you
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Science Of Being Great PDF. 
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Face yourself/still your mind… You will hear all the voices tat pop up in it and quiet the nuisance… I seriously suggest you do magickrelated to this…
IT’s less intrusive thoughts and more genuine beliefs. Like when I think of something in particular I say, “This is indicative of a bad person.”. It’s more solid than intrusive thoughts, you know?
you went through the sephiroth and qliphoth in the span of a month, does that not tell you of your capabilities?
aknowledging mistakes is fine, self loathing and loathing others should not be done.
mental issues are tough, but we can prevail, find a Being you feel can help you out, and call the Being.
Every thing is mental… If you get caught up in this thought process the world will reciprocate
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“Genuine beliefs”…are still just accepted perceptions and will still have to go through your mind to be validated…
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It’s all a personal endeavor anyways, to many people’s beliefs I didn’t do it. I don’t know what to think about my time with the sephiroth and qliphoth, but I don’t see how it’s relevant to self loathing.
My mistakes HURT people. I hurt people I care about and that’s why I am here, in this shitty place.
A serial killer can BELIEVE that is the right way and be comfortable with slitting throats to the point of making it artistic… Which is also a form of magick
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That’s… very true. Thank you.
its not, its meant to remind you of your srtength, and part of that strength is not letting yourself get down and fighting
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I found finding people who love you for who you are, will make you heal. It’s been years and I haven’t quite found the answers yet but I’m getting there. You can too, just don’t give up yet.
If you’re feeling bad, my PM’s are always open, I know how it feels.
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To be honest you’re really at an “okay” place I wish I’d be able to hurt people I “love”…and not try all the time to camouflage and act like a normal christian slave all the time
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