I’m happy to be here and look forward to reading forum topics.
Sorry, but I need to present a long “I kNeW i WaS dIfFeReNt” egotistical backstory because I think they’re relevant to the dream with the demon I need help identifying. Feel free to jump to number 8 to only read the dream section though:
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Born Mormon but the whole shebang feels like a morally fucked up cult and never really bought into it much to my fanatical mother’s chagrin.
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Age 14: still using “Space Ghost Coast to Coast”-sounding dialup and waiting forever for pages to load. Discover witchcraft isn’t imaginary like Pokemon is, that you can practice alone without the penishood, and (very fluffy bunny) info is available free online to work at your own pace. Buy a set of tarot cards which always was easy to use as soon as you discover LWB is trash. Of course stupid teenager practicing witchcraft + still living with fanatical bible believers = big shit storm when my mom was snooping through my things to try to locate my journal’s new hiding spot and found tarot cards instead. Besides the “revelation” blacks can hold the Penishood now (which totally had nothing to do with the NAACP and the government threatening to take away their tax-exempt status at about the same time), their treatment of LGBT people, and misogyny, I felt indifferent to Christianity and Mormonism. I straight up hated anything to do with the Abrahamic god after my punishment was to be forced to listen to Christian radio on the way to and from school, forced to watch Joel ’ Fleece 'em" Osteen and insufferable Pat Robertson’s 700 Club every fucking day, forced to read the Book of Mormon aloud to her every night, and was forced to watch a movie warning Christians how Harry Potter is secretly trying to lure your children away from god. Those hellish three years would make anybody feel angry.
3: Age 17. Had been kicked out after running away and the police officer who brought me back criticized them for being too ridiculously strict and that I’m a good kid. Obviously, took advantage of my new-found freedom and tried magic mushrooms for the first time. Felt this intensely loving, motherly presence embrace me before saying the religious beliefs I followed (Wicca), weren’t real. Instantly shattered that whole belief system with a single statement. Depressed for months afterwards. Turn into bitter, militant atheist.
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Still 17- But oh – fuck your plans longlostredemption to dismiss anything supernatural as woo. Because of course in the middle of getting laid by my into-sigils-and-blood-magic fuckbuddy, he froze into a plank position and started speaking gibberish. I watched spec by random spec of his irises change rapidly from a brown to a light electric blue color until they were completely blue in under 30 seconds. I had to crab crawl my naked ass out from being under him in the missionary position. I radically accepted the fact I was just cock blocked by quite probably a demonic possession and I’m sure whatever language he was speaking in, he was saying some very not nice things. I cursed my luck I didn’t have a phone capable of doing voice recordings as I awkwardly got dressed and left.
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Age 18-- The cock-blocked-by-possession event wasn’t something I could pretend did not happen. It put a big hole in my atheist plans, but I just kept living life secularly due to the fact I had no confidence in being able to do anything witchcraft-related after experiencing the mushroom motherly entity and I had no interest in ever going to church again. Anyway, I was ditched last moment by my boyfriend and his sister to meet this internet stranger we all for some reason thought was a super fantastic idea. I met this Guy alone and my back starts involuntarily spasming a bit from the bad vibes I picked up and assumed it was my anxiety regarding being ditched. He seemed really cool. Everything we spoke about was normal. Had similar taste in music. Except that bad feeling never went away. Dutch, an old dog rescued from a home where a man beat her, normally barks and growls at any man she sees. While he was there, she whimpered the whole time clinging next to my leg. When Guy goes, Dutch calms down and takes a nap. My boyfriend’s sister, C, shows up shortly after with her bull dog, Bowser. I started bitching about how fucking uncool it was to ditch me when she interrupted and asked, “Hey, do you see that?” A large, black, shadowy mist with moving yet undefined edges is in the corner between walls and ceiling. Bowser lifts his head up at it and barks. The shadow moved swiftly around a corner, down the hall, and disappeared through the wall with Bowser chasing it. Once again, radically accepted what I saw and we all left the apartment immediately. Guy texts me later to say it was nice to meet me and we should hang out again. He follows that text with, “What would you think if I drank blood?” Immediately thought back to my former sigils-and-blood-magic fuckbuddy getting possessed and asked if it was blood magic. Guy said yes, I told him I know that shadow thing in our house was related to him, and that he needed to not contact me ever again.
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Age 22ish. I have a nightmare where I and my baby are out at the edge of the forest during the full moon with monsters approaching us. An unnaturally tall and lithe woman with curly red hair, a bow, and wearing a tunic of patchwork skins walks into my dreams from behind me. She shoots arrows at the monsters, driving them into the forest and she disappears into it as well without ever turning around and showing her face. I figure it’s Diana and take it as a sign to get back into witchcraft again, but I just don’t connect. I didn’t feel the presence of any deities, spirits, magic, or had anymore dreams where she appears. Went back to living secularly again.
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Age 24ish. My anger towards Christianity had me gleeful to learn of the Nag Hammadi library and that they also believed YHWH was an ignorant god. Read it for shits and giggles only to feel a spiritual connection to something in my life for the first time after that mushroom trip. Something about the god above god, that there are copies of the pleroma/gods (the imitation, the remembrance, and something I can’t remember), dualist qualities of the pleroma, that Satan was actually a good guy aeon who snuck into the garden to bring truth and liberation, and the dualist poem Thunder, Perfect Mind. Read Carl Jung’s Red Book with Basilides describing the dualistic god Abraxas, the great and terrible.
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DREAM SEQUENCE Age 25ish- I have a dream where I’m in a dilapidated and dark mansion where three witches live. I beg them to tell me my patron deity. They turn away from me without saying a word. Frustrated and angry, I go to the room I’m staying in. I throw my suitcase onto the bed and start shoving my belongings into it. Suddenly, I’ve been pulled out of that dream. I’m in a place full of yellow, red, and orange fire completely encompassing the area, yet there’s no pain or feeling of heat. Suddenly I see who I think is a demon. He’s a handsome man. Looks in his 30s or 40s. Short, black, and spikey hair. Clean shaven. Brown eyes. White wings and a white robe. I realized the way he positioned himself as he walked down to me was making fun of Jesus walking on the water and a famous Mormon painting called ‘The Second Coming of the Lord Jesus Christ With the Hosts of Heaven’ by Harry Anderson. He smiled and I was overcome by euphoria. He said, “I claim you. You are mine.” He was still smiling with his arms outstretched when I was suddenly back in the last dream in front of the suitcase on the bed.
When I woke up, that euphoria wore off and became anger when I realized I finally had a deity reach out to me after 10 years only for it to be Lucifer, Satan, or some other demon. Any witch, psychic, or occult groups I’ve reached out to deduce who for sure he was either didn’t reply or acted like it’s a bad omen before refusing to discuss it any further. I tried praying for him to tell me who he is and meditating, but I never got results.
Which leads me to two weeks ago. Age 27. I read tarot for a friend for the first time in over a year of not using tarot. Got emotionally overwhelmed with tears for no reason afterwards and went to meditate in the dark to center myself. Holy shit. I felt intense pressure on my forehead, parts of my face were going numb, I developed a sudden migraine, the air became thicker looking, I could see transparent shapes for a few seconds, and my ears and eyes became way more sensitive than normal. I understand this was the third eye opening and I’ve got to admit I had no idea before that birds’ auras are circular shaped.
Anyway, I figure now is probably the most ideal time to figure out who pulled me out of my dream before putting me back into it. That’s the only time I’ve experienced leaving a dream setting.
Sorry for the long ramble. Any insight would be greatly appreciated into the angel of fire and even the blue-eyed one that decided possessing someone had to happen right in the middle of fucking.
