You know what? I’m done with you. You got angry when I didn’t do the thing you told me to do, you didn’t even actually tell me to do anything oh, and now you’re ridiculing me.
I’m going to move on from that and try to enjoy my life a little bit.
in the meantime, I got to wait for judgment day. I don’t actually know if it’s coming, but I’m going to trust Gabrielle.
I mean, the only reason I see it as a little wild is the fact that I genuinely love Sam, and she claimed that me missing him wouldn’t even be a problem. In less than a week. That I’ll be happy about the outcome in the short and long term. She knew it’d bother me, so she flat out told me that me knowing would make me worry more about believing it. She also made me promise not to look for the result for this very reason.
Judgement day is upon us. I can feel it. Also, the cards literally said so. Judgment was pulled in a present position, but I don’t think it means events happening now, more like it’s the present thing on my mind and it’s going to happen soon.
in the future, I pulled a lot of things. A lot of things related to clarity, healing, and I flat out pulled the nine of cups. I’m getting what Gabrielle was trying to hide. I’m going to believe them. Until The bitter end, I’ll hold on to belief until against all nihilism, until there’s nothing else to believe in or the belief has been realized.
Tomorrow’s spread of the day is interesting. part of the day is Page of Cups, and if you don’t know, that basically just means Sam in this case. Not a big surprise, most of my days include him or thoughts of him. Queen of swords is the thing I should attend to. I suppose it just means being upfront about what I feel, trying to see through the issue.feelings that will arise, the sun. Not exactly judgment Day. But I know it will be a good day.
I’m dumb to think I’ll get much of a response at this point, but I guess I gotta post.
I don’t know what I feel about this deck. But I guessit’s telling me to not let my illusions blind me.
card of the day is the moon and Ace of Pentacles. I accidentally drew the two at once oh, and I usually count them both if I do that.
the Moon is pretty obvious, but maybe it says I’ll have all the resources at hand to make a success of what I please? Not sure.
Things to attend to, Page of Cups. Sam.but I have no idea how I’m supposed to attend to him? I drew an ace of wands and a ten of cups. Maybe I’ll be starting something new? I don’t know. Weirdly enough, feelings that will arise are two of cups.
I want to ask why do you pull cards everyday for same problem? 
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Card of the day. It’s a spread that shows how the day will go.
I actually feel a lot of hurt unearthing. Gabrielle said it’ll all get better soon in a way I won’t believe. They said me looking would only make me hurt more, and they were right. But they also said it would change nothing of the result. My ignorance cut me, and I learned from that, but now I just gotta wait.
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Trying to win the person back I’m assuming?
Ahhhh gotcha.
Nah he doesnt use cards for shaping reality he is looking for whats coming.
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Ahh ok
I’m in a lot of pain.
Today’s supposed to be a good day. In a few minutes, I will find if it had anything to do with Sam. He’s going to walk into this room, set down his bag, take out what he needs and sit down. I’m here. If he looks away, or looks me in the eyes. If he doesn’t say a word or if he lets out weeks of torment. If I get left alone with my own pain or if I finally get my first step towards judgement day.
This is all decided very soon. Surely you see why I’m so anxious. I can’t believe he’ll say much, so he very well might.
I’m pathetic. If I really was being tricked it would be so easy to do it. I need to grit my teeth and breathe.
I’m so ready for it all to end. Let’s go!
Heart is racing
He didn’t. I feel
.
I
Okay. I don’t know.
What do I say.