~ ♡ ☆ Hayli's Journal of Demons & Friendship ☆ ♡ ~

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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I’m going to be recording my spiritual journey both here and in my digital notebook on my ipad.

This will be a log and analysis of any rituals I perform, spell work, meditation sessions, dreamwork, and anything else I do that relates to demonolatry. My main goal is to simply learn about the left hand path, foster good relationships with demons/the ancients, and work to improve myself. I do not seek fame, power, or human love.

Starting this journal will keep me a little more accountable as far as working on something most days and forcing myself to analyze my experiences. It will also provide a record of personal improvement in my demonolatry journey and life in general.

I am open to anyone chiming in with observations, questions, their own experiences with the entities I seek, recommendations, or polite criticism!

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looking forward to it. Do you plan on summoning all the Goetia?

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I have no goals for that, although it would be very interesting for research purposes to try! I will definitely be keeping a nice digital record-book of them in my Book of Shadows

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so who do you plan on summonig?

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To start off today, I drew Lucifer’s sigil on the inside of my wrist as a reminder of his presence and my devotion to him.

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I also spent some time while at work to listen to videos about summoning demons and working with them.

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Currently, I am interested in working with Lucifer, Asmodeus, Lilith, King Belial, King Paimon, and Prince Stolas. My reasoning for these entities specifically is because I have either A: had a fascination and interest in them for a long time now, or B: have heard the experiences others have had with these demons and wish to commune with them myself.

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hya, its strenghtendwarrior, this is my other account,

well good luck then, Lilith is very sweet, at least she is with me lol

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11-8-21

I started contemplating making a pact with Lucifer, so I watched a few videos on how people go about that, but ultimately decided that if I was going to make a pact with any demons, I wanted to evoke them until I felt their presence more clearly and spend time with them to build a friendly foundation first.

Once home, I burned a stick of frankincense incense as an offering to Lucifer and spent a little time praying (?) while holding my bloodstone pendulum that I’ve been using to communicate with him. I confided in him that I didn’t feel “good enough” to be summoning him, which caused me to get emotional (even now as I reflect on that!), so I took a break and did my usual Monday-night Twitch stream.

I do not remember any dreams from last night, although this might be affected by the fact I had Kratom before going to sleep, which I was feeling the effects of. I feel if I want to be doing dream work, I should be refraining from any substances that alter your mind too much.

Right now, I am struggling with internal doubts that I’m truly communing with Lucifer at all. I’m just trying to almost “fake it till I make it,” but I’m doing the research and trying out many different things to try and get that connection to feel “real.”

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11-9-21

This morning, I read aloud this Litany of Lucifer, although nothing much happened and I actually don’t think I did it properly. The post doesn’t mention anything about Lucifer’s sigil, but in the comments, it is discussed that the sigil should be “opened” and then have blood placed on it. I think I failed to “open” the sigil.

Anyway, what I did was I had the sigil on a piece of paper and I did place blood on it (I am very squeamish, so I didn’t break any skin, however I have the distinct advantage of being a woman during her monthly woe >:D ). Then I lit some incense and laid the paper on my bed before I knelt beside it while facing the East (I felt kneeling would show I was humbling myself). I read the Litany off my phone in a whisper, as I live with my mother and didn’t wish to disturb her).

I think the crucial step I missed was opening the sigil, which if what I have previously read is correct, would involve me chanting Lucifer’s enn over and over while gazing at the sigil until it appears to “disappear” from the paper. But I will do more research and take notes to be sure! I intend to try again tonight with all the proper steps, although I might have to resort to pricking my finger tonight, which I am NOT looking forward to :disappointed_relieved:

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If you want to, it’s okay but it’s really not necessary. I’m new to all of this also, and I asked him to be my patron. I have been meditating to him for weeks, almost every day but I felt his presence for the first time 2 weeks ago. He took me away in a lucid state although I couldn’t speak out but I did in my mind and I asked him ‘are you Lucifer’ ? And I heard a very beautiful yes from him.

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11-9-21 - EVENING
After work, I went straight home and retried this Litany of Lucifer, this time drawing out a new sigil and gathering up a small amethyst crystal, clear quartz point, and obsidian point. I again lit incense and put on some meditation music before kneeling beside the bed again while staring at the sigil and repeating Lucifer’s enn to myself over and over. The sigil very quickly started to fade on the page and became “wiggly,” although I suffer from dry eyes, so it never completely disappeared because I had to blink often. At some point, the paper itself seemed to begin breathing, which was kind of cool. I could see it seem to rise and fall gently, bowing in the middle and the edges lifting lightly.

After I felt I had opened the seal enough, I tried to poke my fingertip with a needle to produce blood, but I just could not do it (I figured it wasn’t completely sanitary, anyway), so what I did instead was I let a drop of my spit fall directly onto the center of the sigil on the paper. Then I recited the same Litany of Lucifer and after I was done, I spent a few minutes just quietly staring at the sigil again. I was open to any sort of experience or sign from Lucifer, but I didn’t feel anything, or at least did not recognize that anything happened, so I eventually ended the ritual.

I did place the sigil underneath my pillow that night, hoping that might influence the contents of my dreams, but again, I could not remember any dreams I had. But again, I had Kratom before bed, which might have suppressed my dreams. It’s going to be hard to break that habit.

NOTE: One thing I FORGOT happened on the evening of 11-8-21 was after a while of the incense being lit, I looked back at it and noticed the smoke looked almost completely straight, which for some reason stuck out to me. I thought in my head “Lucifer, if you’re here, can you make the smoke really curl in on itself?” Almost immediately, the smoke did begin to coil very tightly. Then, I thought in my head, “Lucifer, make the smoke smooth again.” The smoke then smoothed out and was a straight line. I asked him one more time to curl it up and when it did, I said out loud, “Wow, that is really cool!”

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11-10-21

I’ve been trying many times to start and KEEP WORKING ON a Book of Shadows for myself that would have all my research notes as well as magick diaries within. I have long given up on making a physical book because I’m just too indecisive when it comes to layouts, how many pages I’ll need, I hate my handwriting, etc. So I have tried a few times to make a digital one, but my problem with THAT is I want to use GoodNotes (iPad app) so I can combine both type and handwriting in a single app…but it’s hard to find page templates that are ready made that I want to use. So I resolved today that I will definitely have to be making my own templates for personal use after I make a rough outline of the sections that will be contained within the book so I have a better idea of what kind of pages I need. That way I can hyperlink the PDF pages and the links will work when I import them. It’ll all technological mumbo-jumbo, but I promise it works really cool!

I sang a little bit of a song for Lucifer on my commute home today and then spent maybe 20 minutes just saying his enn over and over in my head while I drove. My only goal with this was trying to solidify my connection with Lucifer and keep him on my mind.

When I got home, I started making my outline for page content in my Book of Shadows/research book. I want to start the design process ASAP.

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Oh, that is so beautiful :heart:
I hope your experience with him is rich, powerful, and fulfilling!

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Lmao, I totally feel you on this

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11-11-21

Mental health has taken a HUGE hit these past couple of days. I’ve been feeling so exhausted for the past week and it really culminated yesterday and today, then something came up with my abusive ex that really upset me and kind of fucked me over, so I will have to deal with that sometime.

Really didn’t do much today except for be so tired at work that I left at noon to just go home and sleep. I did end up doing a guided mediation by Satan & Sons on Lucifer’s Dark Tower and I actually did end up visualizing Lucifer and he spoke to me. Lucifer appeared as a handsome man with dark hair and a pair of dark wings. He had no shirt or shoes on, but he wore a pair of black slacks (?). He greeted me with “my child” and just gave me a big hug, wrapping his wings around me. I started crying and told him I feel so lost. Lucifer told me that I need to believe in my own power; that I have everything inside of me that I need to get through this. He told me he loved me, to which I told him I loved him, too.
He kept telling me that he knows I’m hurting and that he loves me.

I am not sure if this was just my own imagination or if I really did meet him. I asked him through my pendulum later and he confirmed that it was him, but…I’m still not sure.

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11-17-21

Work has thrown me for a loop, as well as some bullshit happening with my abusive ex, so my demonolatry journey has been largely on hold for about the past week. I have done a lot of crying, screaming, yelling, and even some injuring myself in my negative states. The stress just kept piling up and piling up and then when my mother was also feeling really negative, I snapped.

We did make up, however, but the stress with work has continued through to today. Part of me wonders if I’m being challenged by Lucifer or some other demon…but these emotions are just so heavy and horrible. I don’t want to be blaming my problems on demons if they have nothing to do with it; it’s not fair.

I did come home after work today and do the same Litany of Lucifer ritual I had done before, although this time I forgot to put any of my DNA on the sigil after opening it through meditation and chanting Lucifer’s enn in my head.

This time, after finishing my reading of the Litany, I just bowed my head and listened carefully. At some point, I swear I heard very very faint whispers, but they were sparse and unintelligible. I also at one point felt like there was a presence on my right side. I forgot my pendulum at work, so I cannot use it to ask Lucifer if that was him.

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11-21-21

I started off today by trying to open my third eye with some meditation. The past few days, I’ve been reading a lot of posts and listening to a lot of videos about King Paimon and since I’m currently wanting to create a webcomic, I’ve been attracted to the idea of evoking him and asking him for his help in not only motivating me to be working on my art more, but also to work faster and “find” my vision for scenes more easily.

However, I was also reading a lot of posts where people were having trouble getting any results from evoking him, and it seems the consensus was that these people just haven’t developed their psychic senses far enough, since King Paimon is known for almost immediately showing up when he’s called. I know for a fact that my psychic senses are not very strong, so I began today doing research on TGS and trying to get myself into that trance state. I believe I was successful: I felt pressure on the area of my third eye and there were some very vivid (but sparse) images that flashed through the morphing shapes I saw behind my eyelids. They would also disappear very quickly because it was almost like once I recognized what I was seeing, I instinctually got excited I was broken out of that state a little. Kind of the feeling of when you’re almost asleep and you jolt awake, which is a sensation I experience often when trying to fall sleep.

I’m also not really able to tell if anything I saw was from spirits or from my own imagination. I don’t know if I should be pausing every time I see something to write it down because I fear that would take me out of the trance, but I also have a bad short term memory and I only remember a few things I saw. I just know a lot of the images had to do with video games, which feels like it came from my imagination, as that’s what a lot of my dreams involve.

Should I go ahead and, at the same time as trying to develop my psychic senses, try and reach out to King Paimon for his help? I also don’t want to be putting Lucifer on the back burner, but I’m just not sure if he wants to work with me at all, or if it’s my dull senses that aren’t allowing me to get messages and signs from him. It’s a lot of information and skills I’m trying to learn!

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I was actually going to ask about this in general. I also take kratom and have noticed I sleep so deeply I can’t remember my dreams at all :sob: have you had better luck by not taking it before bed? Sorry, I know this comment isn’t really related to your journal but I’m just curious.

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Honestly, I haven’t really stopped taking it…I just take less of it in general. So I feel like I’m not remembering my dreams as much still. It’s hard to stop taking it because it really improves my mood.

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I definitely understand. I started taking it to help with other addictions that I wanted to overcome. It helped with energy, mood, and overall pain of my body. It was great for about a week and now that I want to start looking into dream work and just dream recollection I’m like :neutral_face: please stop lol. What I started doing was cutting my intake in half and I’m hoping in another two weeks or so I’ll be done with it. It’s a hard thing to kick once ya get used to it.

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11-24-21 | 11:42 AM

Servitors, Thoughtforms, and Tulpae, OH MY!

I have stumbled upon the concept of servitors/thoughtforms and am now incredibly fascinated with the concept. I have heard of tulpae a few years ago and dabbled in creating one, but I gave up very easily, so it never came to fruition. But as a creative writer and artist, I often do come up with characters in my mind that I latch onto, so I figured it made sense to just turn one of these characters into an actual being created out of thought/effort/intent that would serve to help me. I mainly want a servitor to act as a way to bring me down from panic attacks or lift my spirits during depressive episodes, and since it is made out of my mind, it would fully understand me and my emotions. I also feel as though creating a servitor/thoughtform/tulpa will help me to develop my psychic skills so contact with other spirits is easier.

I did sit down with my pendulum and tarot cards and asked each if creating a servitor would be beneficial to my mental health/magickal journey and I got a pretty strong “yes” answer from both. My problem is that I see conflicting information about servitors (specifically, since that’s what I see discussed most often here). I see some people say you should never give your servitor a name or become attached to it because it is inhumane and then makes it harder to destroy it if need be. But then I see other people naming their servitors and developing very deep relationships with them. I feel drawn more to the second method of caring for your servitor. I want to create another being in my mind that I can interact with on a deeper level, not just make a tool for me to dispose of when it’s served its purpose. This is part of why I love magick: you really are free to make your own rules with a lot of things and as long as you’re specific and your intent is clear, you will still get results.

So, I have spent the past couple of days crafting up a sort of “character sheet” for my first servitor and put a lot of loving thought and care into crafting him, giving specific tasks I will want him to perform (mostly revolving around my mental health and dissolving negative energies in/around me) as well as giving him magickal correspondences by way of colors, herbs, crystals, incenses, and animals. I’m quite excited to continue doing this, as I find his concept is pretty clear in my mind already. I mainly just need to nail down his appearance fully with some meditation sessions and then create his sigil to activate him.

If anyone has any tips for me (or even criticisms of my practice!), I’d love to hear them or your personal experiences with servitors/thoughtforms/tulpae!

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TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of depression, suicide, self harm, and general bad vibes.

Still Truckin’ Along

So I got a mentor of sorts who is helping teach me the basics in my path and the kind of workings I want to do. He informed me that my “servitor” might be better suited as a familiar, so I’m switching that entity’s purpose over to that while I slowly build him up. I really really need the extra help right now emotionally and spiritually. More days are spent in an extremely low mood than not and while I don’t necessarily feel suicidal, I do experience thoughts of wanting to injure myself and just not wanting to exist anymore, which hurts to even write. These are feelings I’ve struggled with for a long time, but they’ve recently gotten so much worse, almost as bad as they were when I was actively in my alcoholism.

12/2/21

I went to the local “magick” shop and procured quite a few different crystals I didn’t already have that will serve as correspondences for my familiar, as well as just being useful for myself in trying to improve my mood. The main ones I got were rhodonite, angelite, and selenite: all really good crystals to soothe and promote emotional healing (physical healing, too, but that’s not my biggest issue right now). I also got a cute little box to keep all my familiar’s things inside that can serve as a little shrine for him to dwell in if he wishes. I’m also creating him with the intent that he can live in my body, as well (specifically my heart and mind) and that his location can change if need be. I have a tendency to lose objects like no other, so I would hate to accidentally lose his box and cause him harm!

12/4/21

I requested help from Opfaal today for a friend that really has been struggling with low self-esteem and depressive thoughts. I requested that my friend be encouraged to get therapy, as I feel it will really help him. Later on, I also requested help for myself, as I’ve just been so low for what feels like a long time now. My nightmares have picked back up and I can’t even get restful sleep when I sleep for like 12 hours a day. I’m just upset all the time and I’m sick of feeling this way because then I have no motivation to do anything that brings me joy, OR I feel guilt when doing those things.
I also did more familiar work, doing an exercise where I really visualize the space I’ll be building him in (my room) and working on being able to identify the whole space with my eyes closed. This not only gets me into a deep trance (so deep, I almost fall asleep!) but it also builds up the energy in the room to make my efforts more powerful.

12/5/21 | 1:45 PM

I experienced a very intense nightmare last night where I literally screamed at the top of my lungs in my sleep over and over and over, waking my mother up and frightening her. This means my sleep, again, was not very fruitful, plus I woke up already feeling negative. I have plans today to go to a movie with a friend (horror, because I just like horror stuff) and I hope I’m able to follow through with that. I dread work tomorrow and still haven’t updated my resume or sent it out to places, but I’m going to force myself to do that today before I start getting ready.

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