To be blunt, he scares me. But I want to ask him for help and guidance in my life. I can tell that Bune is helping me at least make it through my financial hardships. But I’d like Lucifer’s help as well. Tonight is a blood moon so maybe that would be a good time to ask him? I dont want to be a bother to him, however. As I’m sure he is always very busy. But is there any knowledge that could be passed down to me from you all?
What can he help me with, by the way?
Also, to explain further. I am asking because I think I might be on the verge of causing myself harm tonight. I’m not going to. At least I dont think so. But it scares me. So I’d like to learn from him and grow so that I can overcome my current multitudes of negative situations and be free from the stress I feel every moment that I’m awake.
Oh no it’s not that. I know they are heavily mistaken. It’s just a weird fear.
Like I get a “big brother” kind of feeling when I think of him. And a sibling kind of feeling when I think of all the Angel’s. It’s more like a fear that you get from the intimidation of an older brother who is better than you at everything kind of thing. It’s weird to explain.
Like. To say. And I hate saying this. I never say it to anyone or out loud. I feel the reason spirits and things are attached to me is because I have the soul of one of the angels. I dont know… just a feeling I get. But yeah that’s why I am afraid.
Or it’s kind of like a feeling that I’m worried to be found. I’m not really sure. (Weird I know. All of it is. That’s why i usually dont bring it up)
As for what you said, about feeling like your godform or even you being an angel, it’s not a bad thing at all! You should actually look into it and find out more about it. Never be afraid of yourself and of the light inside of you!
Ooh I see, well sort of, I’ve never had an older sibling, but yes I see. Perhaps try to acknowledge the “fear” as more of a respectful intimidation, or understanding he is very powerful. I’d at least make that clear to him.
Well the only other thing I got was the 13th Archangel KayaMiel. Wasnt sure if he was made up or real though. Supposedly he’s a prototype to the creation of Lucifer or something and has a sword with the omega symbol on it. But I didnt want to assume if he was real or not. Also he would be the archangel of balance according to what it said. Which I found interesting because I always draw yin yang’s and Angel’s that are half white hair and half black hair with a raven wing on one side and a dove wing on the other. It’s why my username is Kaya. Because my real name is Katie.
But like I said I didnt want to assume and I couldnt find any proof that hes an actual archangel. But yeah.
I just find it weird because I’ve had a lot of knowledge of magick, Angel’s, and demons since I was 4. I even meditated as a 4 year old. I’d set down my baby blanket and sit cross legged and do so.
(Sorry if I seem jittery. I don’t enjoy talking about it. It makes me feel crazy.)
You can search about that angel on Google. I already found info on him. I suggest you to summon him and to have a big chat with him. Of course, whenever you feel ready to do that. You can then learn anything you want to know, from who you really are, to what kinds of memories you have from previous lives, etc. It’s useful.
But don’t be afraid, nor feel that everything doesn’t make sense. Logic can’t apply here because logic is like angles. You need to move through curves and not angles. This is how a child of light should think. Don’t worry, everything finds it’s place within us. And your truth will come to you in a natural way. And you have every right to feel powerful and wanting to go all out. Just remember not to overdo it XD.
The problem in talking to him though is he took that sword and killed himself to protect Sandalphon… because some of the other Angel’s (cant remember who) wanted him to kill her but he refused and killed himself instead…
But that’s the other part thats odd to me. Because I’ve been suicidal my whole life like I know I’m supposed to be dead (again, at 4, I was thinking of how to do so.) And the other thing is I was literally the only girl born in my hospital that entire day.
But… I dunno… maybe my energies keep getting blocked so much because I keep hiding my feelings too hard.
I’ll keep researching. and I’ll use the info you shared earlier to get in contact with Lucifer tonight as well.
Oh. Also my full real name is Katie Marquardt. Which is awesome because my first name means Pure. And my last name means Guardian. (Marquardt comes from Mark and Ward. And I guess it gets translated to meaning that.)