Hello everyone. My alias on here is Marigina, a portmanteau of “marina” and “regina”, together making “sea queen” in Latin. I’m 20, turning 21 on the 4th of March (my alias on here is a reference to my zodiac sign, Pisces heheh). My curiosity was piqued when I found out about the existence of this place through related YouTube videos on one of my routine visits down the “YouTube rabbit hole”. I lurked for weeks to get a feel for the place before deciding to join. I tend to write a lot, so this may be a doozy… I like to be a detailed storyteller for those who care to read, so please don’t interpret this long-winded “introduction” as shallow narcissism!
I was born and raised Catholic, but eventually developed an interest in the occult around the time I was in middle school. Oddly enough, I kept a high faith in the higher power I called “God” all while dabbling in all sorts of various types of chakra meditations and researching the power of sigil magick… It contradicted my religion (because of the “no witchcraft/sorcery” rule), but I feel really drawn to those kinds of things and I never felt a sense of shame or guilt from the dogma that usually comes with devout Christianity.
After developing my interest in the occult, I’ve been frequently seeing repeating numerical sequences and synchronicity wherever I go. My strongest ones are numbers like 11, 111, and 1111 along with numbers that add up to 11 and 9. Last year, I really began to get into Tarot divination because the cards seemed to speak to me regarding the various things happening in my life. Less than a month ago, I developed an interest in researching Chaos Magick.
When I pray and put all of my belief and intent into it, it still works well and is still working because of that intent and a belief in a higher power. Even though I’m a “rule breaker” of my God’s laws, he still answers. Or maybe someone else is answering the phone at this point… who knows. Either way, I know someone is listening.
Despite my original beliefs, I do not fear the Christian “adversary” or spirits and demons. I have read more about demons and demonic topics than I have about the angels, mainly because they have been painted as flat villains of “pure evil” and my skeptical self wanted to find out if this was true; I soon discovered that every demon is not the same, and my doubts were confirmed.
I don’t frequently dream about specific beings, as such dreams are actually rare. Since my fascination with the “other side” began, I had two dreams with the same person: Lucifer. It wasn’t until after I’ve become interested in learning more about him that these dreams came to me. He has portrayed himself as a very tall Caucasian man with neatly combed short black hair and piercing blue eyes. His presence is unmistakable, as the feeling in the room/area changes drastically. When he’s near, I sense something I’ve never felt before outside of the dream realm that is hard to put into words.
No matter what form he had taken, he was still recognizable. I was never afraid of him in those dreams; I showed lots of respect and rightfully treated him like someone above me, especially since both of those dreams were lucid and I had full control over my thoughts and actions. I think he knew I wasn’t like those Bible-thumping Christians who would probably attempt to throw crucifixes and holy water at anything remotely “evil” in their dreams. I don’t really think Lucifer is some horrible evil being who despises Christians (but then again a “true Christian” usually isn’t a person who desires to speak with him rather than work against him).
Despite the religious bias I was raised with, I gave Lucifer a chance in my mind and he seemed to have acknowledged this. The art I’ve been drawing of how I’ve seen Lucifer in my dreams may or may not be one of the various things that is slowly strengthening this connection. In the latest dream, his parting words were “We will talk again later”. Apparently, these encounters aren’t going to stop anytime soon (which I’m grateful for because I have some questions I kept in mind to ask next time when I go lucid).
Everything happens for a reason to me; something deep within has gravitated me here for a good reason, or else all of my words and pondering would be rendered empty and useless. If you managed to read my little “novel” in its entirety (), I appreciate the time you put into reading this. I wrote so much so people could sort of get a feel for the kind of person I am when they see this as my first post.